Leaving 4 year old alone

[LittleLego]

Please help settle an argument.

DH has left DD (4 years old) alone momentarily twice in the last week.
The first time he ran to the corner shop at the end of the road, it's 60 yards away and he said he was three minutes at most. He locked DD in the house watching TV, it wasn't an essential purchase it if matters at all, I was back from work a couple of hours later and could have called en route.

Second time DD was in the bath and DH popped downstairs to check on dinner that was cooking, we live in a solid house where sound doesn't travel well, we can't hear her crying at night for example without the baby monitor on. He said he was only 10 seconds. I've left her to go to the adjoining room to grab a towel etc but talk to her throughout, he can't see how this is any different.

I'm really quite angry that he feels this is ok, he's begrudgingly said it won't happen again but only after arguing the toss that she's sensible and nothing happened. I'm concerned about his lack of judgement, I've talked about how it only takes a second to slip and bang her head blah blah but he's not seeing it the same way. Both of these incidents I only found out about after DD told me. I have a tendency towards anxiety and catastrophising things so want some outside opinions, AIBU or is he?

YANBU, OP, that was very irresponsible of him. Four years old is too young for a child to be left ‘home alone’. There’s no way he could be sure that it would only be a few minutes when he went to the shop.

As for the bath, as has been said, a four year old can drown very quickly, and it really isn’t a risk that should be taken to leave a 4 year old alone.

I'm very laid back about things. But DS is NINE and I wouldn't leave him to pop to shops. And occasionally he walks with a friend to school ie no adult with them. That's how laid back I am.

[quote HaveringWavering]**@Campervanna yeh he bathes alone? Is bathing not a verb?

Yes it is, but the present tense is “bathe”. “I bathe, you bathe, he bathed”

You wrote that you leave him to “bath” which means “wash himself in a bathtub full of water” @DoodleLovin[/quote]
Just to be a bit pedantic, this isn't quite true in British English.

"Bathe" in the way you are describing is technically American English, although perfectly acceptable.

In British English, "to bathe" means to swim in the sea. "To bath" means to take a bath.

Are you serious??? Leaving a 4 year old alone????

@nancywhitehead she asked if it was a verb in English. She did not specify “British English”.she clearly wasn’t talking about him going for a swim. And in any event, “bathe” in British English also means to wash something with water eg “you need to bathe that swollen eye”.

What age do you leave them alone in the bath?

At about 23 in Mumsnet land.

Does noone ever leave their kids in the house or out in the garden if they are in the oppersite place?

What do you do if your children wake up before you and you are still asleep? They could potentially still burn the house down and they would technically be on their own for more than 5 mins because you aren't awake.

Admittedly leaving a child alone in the bath for 10 seconds or going to the shops isn't good practice, but some of the responses are getting OTT. Children aren't going to all suddenly burn down the house or drown if you don't look at them for 5 seconds.

Well I think he needs to be in the next Olympics if he can get from the bathroom, down the stairs, into the kitchen and check on the food in 10 seconds.

That's obviously complete rubbish and no way should a 4 year old be left in the bath on their own or left in the house alone.

I would be absolutely fuming in your place

I don't stand and watch over my 4yo in the bath the whole time she's in there and realise I'm probably in a minority. She talks and sings constantly, to us, to her bath toys and to herself so I ca hear her all the time. Our house is not huge though and someone is usually within a few metres of her so it's never an upstairs/ downstairs scenario. Your dh could get held up for any number of reasons at the shop, for longer than anticipated, and locking her in will not stop her falling down the stairs, or painting glue all over the walls.

@HaveringWavering ok, apologies. He baths/bathes/showers alone. Like I said, each to their own but I am comfortable with him enjoying a sit down shower whilst playing alone.

Bloody hell op, that is seriously bad.

Particularly the bath incident, she could have drowned.

I am not even sure where I would start with this, it is so serious. Show in the thread as a starting point, and take it from there. I would be absolutely beyond livid and would feel he is too incompetent to look after her.

Shop isn't ok at all, I wonder why he decided to leave her instead of taking her with him. Bath, I think no big deal, if he just checked the dinner and went right back.

Even sensible children (and I’m not sure 4 years old and sensible go together) can do daft things. I was the most sensible child there was, but when my dad used to leave us in the car, if my sister started to annoy me, I would bypass the child locks and let her out of the car. (It makes me shudder to think about it now, but at the time I thought I was clever being able to get round the child locks.)

I also remember the time our fridge freezer caught fire with no warning, and we had to stand in the garden in the middle of the night. We also had a car catch fire while we were in it; fortunately our parents were there.

So I’m quite keen on not leaving young children alone.

However, in response to the ‘get a towel in advance’ comments, I spent some time pottering within earshot when DD was in the bath at an older age, to get both of us used to her being on her own in the bath for short period. Now she’s 8 she wants privacy, so I sit in the next room, listening and occasionally asking questions.

At what age would you all say it IS safe to leave a child in a bath for a the time it takes to run down the stairs, look in the oven, and run back up?

I leave 5 and 7 year old in the bath, either together or separately! Not for ages, but definitely 5 mins odd, while going round tidying up. Of course they could drown, but they are sitting quietly in the water, in a known place, they know not to be silly and leap about causing risk of slipping or falling (and I'd hear them if they did). I thought this was a completely reasonable movement towards independence?

It is but I think it depends on the children in question. My sister is horrified that I do this as children should "never EVER be left in the bath alone" however what she really means is she could never ever leave HER children in the bath alone I love the rouges but they're practically feral! She can barely go to the toilet without them causing havoc so the bath would be a massive risk.

My almost 5 year old is one of the most sensible children I know, once told that something is dangerous she simply won't do it. Of course there's always a risk that that could change one day but the risk is minute so I'd happily leave her in the bath while i potter around. However not if she's in with her sister.

They're in the bath right now, I'm sitting outside the bathroom door watching them but they can't see me. I'm watching because my 3.5yo is NOT a sensible child and definitely can't be trusted the same as her sister and I imagine that will remain the case when she's 4/5. The eldest is currently telling her to stop splashing as "mummy said we're not allowed". I didn't actually, but she's more sensible than me!

Yanbu
If also be a bit worried his mindset could turn to 'phew, got away with it that time without anything happening!' Which could then turn into him developing a false sense of security and leaving her for a little longer each time.

I would never leave a 4 year old in a house alone to pop to the shops, that’s insane IMO.

I left my 4 year old in the bath to quickly pop downstairs, but very quickly, she could almost swim at 4 and made loud noise so I could pretty much hear her. She also knew not to turn the hot tap on and burn herself by that age. Pottering around whilst in the bath is okay if your child is capable.

Get him to read the thread!
It's unnecessary and dangerous
As pp had said, he could have been hit by a bus then she'd be alone for god knows how long. Bath - far too dangerous - I was shocked how many children die in random incidents, this isn't random it's just neglectful - by the time she's 7-8 perhaps but not 4

That's a good point too, both mine can actually swim... I know it's more about hitting your head though. I might check on them more as a result of this thread.

Mind you the 7 year old is singing "Where the nooorrthh wind meeeeets theeee seeeeeeeeea" very high and with dramatic vibrato right now in the bath so maybe I'll go up when the noise stops.

It's bloody awful. Not really relevant, but I hate this kind of shit being qualified by "but he's an amazing parent really".
He isn't, you know. Your bar is too low.

This is shocking.

Nope

MN posters can go to the other extreme and wouldn't leave a 15-17 year old alone on another thread

but 4 is too young. You shouldn't leave the bathroom if you can't hear them - talking or singing or whatever.

@FreekStar

At what age would you all say it IS safe to leave a child in a bath for a the time it takes to run down the stairs, look in the oven, and run back up?

depends on the house, the child...

In British English, "to bathe" means to swim in the sea. "To bath" means to take a bath.

Nope.

You should never leave a small child alone in a bath. It doesn't take long for a child to slip and drown. Totally unacceptable.

How neglectful. Bet you die inside knowing he has to (hopefully) look after her for the next howether many years.