Leaving 4 year old alone

[LittleLego]

Please help settle an argument.

DH has left DD (4 years old) alone momentarily twice in the last week.
The first time he ran to the corner shop at the end of the road, it's 60 yards away and he said he was three minutes at most. He locked DD in the house watching TV, it wasn't an essential purchase it if matters at all, I was back from work a couple of hours later and could have called en route.

Second time DD was in the bath and DH popped downstairs to check on dinner that was cooking, we live in a solid house where sound doesn't travel well, we can't hear her crying at night for example without the baby monitor on. He said he was only 10 seconds. I've left her to go to the adjoining room to grab a towel etc but talk to her throughout, he can't see how this is any different.

I'm really quite angry that he feels this is ok, he's begrudgingly said it won't happen again but only after arguing the toss that she's sensible and nothing happened. I'm concerned about his lack of judgement, I've talked about how it only takes a second to slip and bang her head blah blah but he's not seeing it the same way. Both of these incidents I only found out about after DD told me. I have a tendency towards anxiety and catastrophising things so want some outside opinions, AIBU or is he?

The shop thing is just mental and totally unsafe in any circumstance!

The bath thing is unsafe because of your house. I’ve left my DSD (6) in a bath while I folded washing etc in my bedroom, so has DH, but we talk to her or sing with her whole time as with both doors open we can easily converse and hear her respond. I wouldn’t go downstairs though. Or even leave the room in a house where sound doesn’t travel.

He is BVU.

YANBU. I wouldn't even leave my almost 8 year old home alone while I went to the shop. I do leave him in the bath but I stay upstairs and shout in to check he's OK every 5 minutes or so. Would never at age 4.

Tell your DH you can drown in an inch of water and it only takes a nanosecond for a fire to start. I know the chances of either of these happening are very slim but.... there’s a chance they could.

My heart skipped a beat just reading this!!
I was over-careful with ds... it used to annoy him, but he’s still around to tell me it annoyed him!!
It literally takes a second for something to go wrong, esp in the bath situation - I’m really shocked at that.
As pp said, about their 12 yr old slipping over, I also have slipped in the bath and had a face full of water... baths, showers, water... all so dangerous, so quickly. No the mention the panic that little ones get when they sense you’re not there.
Nothing - no shopping, no cooking - is so important that your DH should put them before your daughters safety!
I would be so angry with him.

Show him this thread.

It's probably fine, nothing would happen the vast majority of the time but probably best not to do either of those things. I wouldn't be ready to kick him out for it, would just like to see him coming on the same page as me.

Thanks darcylewis, for the informative, baths and home alone are not the same danger as sat in a car.
How about electric windows when a three year old sat in drivers seat pressed buttons thereby getting 2 year olds neck caught in the ascending window. Said child died.. or letting handbrake off. Just a button to press these days. Or failing that, child getting out of car to look for parent. See any danger there... no thought not .ffs

Meant to add, yes to putting washing away, being in bedroom etc - if - you are chatting and they are answering or singing etc.

Bathroom is next to living room in our house.Ds 7 is allowed to bath alone as long as he talks to me the whole time.
We take him with us to the shops etc and will do until he is much older.

I don’t see an issue with the bath. I leave my 4 yr old to bath alone. He calls me when he’s done.

I would be fuming at leaving him home alone though. That’s super irresponsible... as long as he gets a serious telling off and doesn’t do it again I’d let it slide.

What age do you leave children alone in the bath from? I’m sure my mum used to iron in the next room when I was in the bath around age 5, popping in and out a lot.

My son is 6 and has ASD, so I don’t know if I’ll ever leave him and have no frame of reference. I do pop into other upstairs rooms to get something though.

That's terrible on both accounts.

A four year could drown in 6 inches of water.

A child of this age should not be left alone in a house under any circumstances.

It's not okay and I am a very relaxed parent! If the house caught fire she would be locked in with a fire, she could choke... The list goes on... And what if something had happened to him.

I would be annoyed too

He is an idiot. Leaving her for the shop was bad enough but the bath? I'd have to seriously consider divorce if that was my situation and no, he wouldn't be getting access to leave her alone in the bath in his house.

Wow just wow. Not ok

Also, so many people popping to get a towel while the child is in the bath. Get the damn thing before you run the taps.

If he won’t pay attention to the risks to her safety, then maybe another approach might hit home.
I’d tell him that if her nursery/school find out that he left her home alone to go to the shops that Children’s Services could be involved.

Remembered when my then 5 yr old was fooling round and bolted me out of the kitchen😱
He thought it was hilarious to start with, until my DDad started to panic and shout.
Ds didn’t think it was hilarious then and got so upset crying that I had to send DDad away so I could down my son into sense. Took about 10 minutes to calm him enough to just slide the bolt across.
He’s almost 36 now... but it scared me so much, I remember vividly what he was wearing that afternoon. He’d wet himself with panic.
They get so frightened so quickly at a young age.

I'm an adult and on Friday I stood up from the bath to reach a fresh bottle of shampoo from the shelf at the side of the bath. I'd cleaned it a few hours earlier and for some reason it was still a bit slippy and so my foot went from under me in doing so and I landed with my shoulder hitting the (luckily not tap) end of the bath and my mouth and nose went under water for a few seconds before I quickly lifted my head back up.

It's easily done and much more likely for a child to do it playing or reaching for something just outbid reach and they might not have the ability to get themselves out of it quickly or might panic and open their mouths under the water and choke or worse. It's just not worth the risk for your other half to do it!

There is no chance it was TEN seconds to go downstairs, check on dinner then go back up. Use your brain.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Yanbu.

I'd be saying to him:-

1. Being sensible (her) wont stop her drowning.
2. She may be perfectly safe at home for 1 minute. However he could have had a problem (eg run over/issue in the shop etc) which could have resulted in her being left alone for hours.

Ok so either of the things that I've listed have low odds of happening but the outcome of either is so terrible that it's not worth the risk.

I'd be gutted that he didnt get it. Agreeing to ot not happening again is one thing, but being able to accept and understand why is necessary.

The above.

It only takes a moment to have a serious accident. It might not be likely, but why take any unnecessary risk with your precious child?

In the bath is beyond negligent and a real and genuine risk.

I'm actually shocked at that.

(Going to the shops is also appalling)

I wont repeat the many "why" you already have.

Just adding another voice who agrees with you!

@DoodleLovin - are you serious? It's take a child twenty seconds to drown. Leaving a child in the bath alone is a real risk.

That's not being paranoid and precious. Water is a huge danger to young children.

YANBU. He needs to have a word with himself. Utterly irresponsible and dangerous!!!