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AIBU?

To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

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AIBU

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Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 22:20

@Honeylemontea

Honeylemontea

Is this a joke? You send your kids to bed with sweets? confused

I know shocking excuse for a mother I am!! I mean 8-9 haribo per night! It is absolutely disgusting

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PinkTonic · 15/05/2021 22:20

@Lorw

Why don’t you get a tv for in your bedroom and cuddle up with DH in there and your DD can sit downstairs and watch what she wants?

Only on MN would it be considered reasonable for the adults to have to retire to their room for peace and quiet so a 13 year old child can have first dibs on the TV and the run of the house.

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Peachee · 15/05/2021 22:23

I guess the reason she’s downstairs with you is because there’s nowhere else for her to go.. she seems well adjusted and relaxed by the way you describe her but she clearly needs her own space.. For hers and your own sake..
I don’t think chilling out in your parents room as a teenager is an appealing idea..
Sorry you’re in this situation..

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blackheartsgirl · 15/05/2021 22:24

Oh come on this is mn!

Christ I love my kids, spend all day with my 13 and 11 year old and by 9pm the TV and the sofa is ours!

They can either sit on the floor or the other sofa with headphones and put up with it or go to thier rooms which to he honest they do mostly, they both love thier own space.

I've a 21 and an 18 year old. Ones at uni and ones moved out and they had those boundaries and rules too.

I need my time and space too. I'm human. I respect thier need for space and time and they respect mine.

Op I know you said your girls share..any possibility of splitting thier room into two and your 13 year old can have her own space then.

Or you do what others have said..get a TV fir your room and snuggle in there.

Compromise too. Maybe in the week TV is yours by 9 and then weekends new rule TV is yours by 9 but dd can stay in the room with headphones on..with you on the sofa next to dh

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jimmyjammy001 · 15/05/2021 22:25

You agreed to date someone with children, these are the sacrifices that you the child free person has to make in order for the relationship to work out, they come as a package deal, you will have to put up with it even if it annoys you, the step children come first I'm afraid.

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KurtWilde · 15/05/2021 22:25

@Tangledtresses

Literally mine has just gone to bed he's 16 and has being doing my head in since 8pm 😬😬 lots of hmmm really wow interesting
For the love of GOD JUST GO AWAY

Glad I'm not your kid.

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EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2021 22:25

Do they have a TV in their bedroom.
Why can't she spend time with her Dsis there was 2 bunk beds in our rooms we managed to read or use headphones with 3 Dsis's.

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OnlyInYourDreams · 15/05/2021 22:27

Horrible thread.

This is just as much her home as it is yours no?

She has just as much right to be downstairs as you do. At 13 i wouldn’t expect her to go to bed anything before about 10:00, and tbh I feel sorry for her.

She has to share her room with a younger sibling and her mother doesn’t want her around either. Poor kid.

If you want to spend time with just your DH then go out. It’s not fair to relegate the child to another room in the house that isn’t even her own, and then when you decide it’s bed time for you you’ll expect her to leave that room as well.

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MrsClatterbuck · 15/05/2021 22:27

Why can't you send her to bed. You are her parent.

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Clymene · 15/05/2021 22:27

She doesn't have her own room, where is she supposed to go? And why can't you watch what you want to watch together? If she doesn't like it, she can watch something on her phone with headphones on or something.

We usually watch a film together on weekend evenings.

@15 year old being sent to bed with a water bottle and a packet of haribo

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blackheartsgirl · 15/05/2021 22:28

Only on MN would it be considered reasonable for the adults to have to retire to their room for peace and quiet so a 13 year old child can have first dibs on the TV and the run of the house.

Yes but the ops dd has no room of her own so a little compromise is needed to keep everyone happy.

We do this ourselves sometimes even though ours have thier own rooms . Its rarely before 8.30 though and both of us like it we are both pretty knackered anyway

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lynsey91 · 15/05/2021 22:28

Just one of the many reasons I am glad we don't have children. I would hate to have a child sitting with us every evening.

We want and like time just to be together snuggled up together on the sofa

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grapewine · 15/05/2021 22:28

@jimmyjammy001

You agreed to date someone with children, these are the sacrifices that you the child free person has to make in order for the relationship to work out, they come as a package deal, you will have to put up with it even if it annoys you, the step children come first I'm afraid.

Where does it say the 13-year old is a step-daughter? OP say's 'my daughter'.

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HappyGoPlucky · 15/05/2021 22:29

Children of up to 16 years need 8-10 hours of sleep, even if they feel they are wide awake. Send her to bed and enjoy your evening.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/sleep-tips-for-teenagers/

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Couchbettato · 15/05/2021 22:29

I'm getting serious Deja vu because I'm sure there was this story almost identical a few weeks ago except it was a step daughter.

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Embracelife · 15/05/2021 22:29

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

She goes bed around 10/10.15. So literally the same time.

I do enjoy it but sometimes I just need a break.

She shares her room with her younger sister so can’t go and relax in her room sadly, but she has our room that she sometimes goes and relaxes in.

She doesn't have her own space does she?
But you don't have to stay in lounge with her.

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SplunkPostGres · 15/05/2021 22:30

I don’t know whether this is the Introvert v extrovert divide but I really can’t understand people who enjoy their children being around all evening. Do you not see your kids much? It’s enough for me to get the hour or so before school and then the couple of hours after school pick up and before bed. On the weekend, it’s all day from about 7 am to bed time: more than enough time. I can’t imagine wanting more time but then that’s perhaps because I’m a single parent and DS is an only child. Unless I’m at work or he’s at school, I’m always with him. I really look forward to bed time.

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BiBabbles · 15/05/2021 22:31

We had a bit of this with DS1 as we got used to him being older and staying up later. I wasn't sick of him, I loved having the time to talk with him, but we fell into a rut of just doing what he wanted because he could pick faster and I was too tired to come up with anything else - not his fault at all, but it got draining. It was worse with COVID as our weekly gaming night with friends went (when our oldest would go to bed early with a book and things once a week and we'd get that adult time with others) so the rut got even worse.

Earlier this year we finally got it reorganized, helped in part with DD1 getting old enough to stay up later too so she had to be added to the mix. We currently have a weekly evening routine after our younger 2 go to bed - it's Saturday so DS1 got to pick and everyone else chooses around his pick. We try to have something we all play together at least once a week, and 'Teen Pick Tuesday' where they have pick something together -- and their father and I most weeks either go out for a walk or upstairs (netflix on a laptop has been handy). Some days DD1 goes up early with a book and such.

It is harder when there isn't an additional space and there are younger siblings to consider - both of mine share with a younger sibling - but there are work arounds, more if you have more space obviously.

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EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2021 22:31

@jimmyjammy001 It is OP's DD.

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blackheartsgirl · 15/05/2021 22:33

25jimmyjammy001

You agreed to date someone with children, these are the sacrifices that you the child free person has to make in order for the relationship to work out, they come as a package deal, you will have to put up with it even if it annoys you, the step children come first I'm afraid.

I take it you are joking 😆

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TheSoapyFrog · 15/05/2021 22:33

I cherish the evenings when my kids go to bed and I get a few hours of peace, but i know it won't last forever.
I'm not sure where your expect her to go though. She can't chill in her room with music or the tv on or put a light on and read because she can't disrupt her younger sister's sleep. And sitting in your parent's room just isn't the same. So she would just have to lay there in the dark for a few hours until she falls asleep. Is it possible to divide their room or do you have a dining room that could transform into a bedroom? You might find if she has her own space to go to, she won't want to sit with you every night.

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KittyKatChonky · 15/05/2021 22:33

You switched the film off and stormed away because your —step— daughter looked bored?
Her eating crisps enrages you?

Does she regularly fall out with your dh? Why are you both so scared of her?

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Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 22:33

Hahaha you can't send your 13 yr old DD to bed OP but you can go out and leave her home .... Wtf?????

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Lollypop4 · 15/05/2021 22:33

Set a bedtime, my DS 13, is up at 9.

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YellowPurple · 15/05/2021 22:35

This is mean !
You had children....
What did you think would happen

You have the younger one to join you soon, once the older one wants more space the younger one will be with you every night

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