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AIBU?

To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

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AIBU

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m0therofdragons · 15/05/2021 21:53

@gingerbiscuit19 what?! There’s times I don’t want dd1 hanging around it doesn’t mean I don’t love her it just means I want to watch a film not appropriate for her, or time cuddling Dh... or to have sex with dh. What a weird belief that we have to sacrifice every evening in order for my Dd to not receive your sympathy. Surely you can see there’s a balance?

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MrsJBaptiste · 15/05/2021 21:53

It's a difficult transition but hard to get used to your kids being uo late when you've had 12+ years of them going to bed early!

Our two have their own bedrooms but are up and down chatting/getting drinks until we go to bed and that's life with teenagers.

OP your daughter doesn't have her own bedroom to go to so where do you think she'll sit in the evenings? You say she can go in your bedroom but it really isn't the same.

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SavoyCabbage · 15/05/2021 21:53

There plenty of stuff you can all enjoy watching together. The days of watching'Go, Go Diego' are long gone.

She's got else nowhere to go even if she wanted to.

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HerMammy · 15/05/2021 21:54

@wildeverose
It’s ok I don’t need to get a grip.
Their DD is getting special treatment, she’s dominating every evening and her father won’t set any boundaries, it’s not wrong or sad for adults to want a few hours child free.

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itslategotosleep · 15/05/2021 21:54

Well this is awful. Poor thing.

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Seeline · 15/05/2021 21:55

I'm with you foodie. It's incredibly sad sending your child away. Especially when they haven't got their own space. They grow up so quickly, soon she probably won't want to spend time with you at all.

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PurpleBiro21 · 15/05/2021 21:55

Strange dynamic? Can you not sit on the same sofa with DD and DH?

What’s your relationship like with DD? Don’t you enjoy each other’s company?

Surely DD goes bed earlier during the week for school can you spend time with your DH then? Or let your youngest sleep in your room say Friday nights so DD can have privacy in the bedroom and you and DH can watch a film?

Are there relationship issues with you and DH? You sound resentful of DD and possessive of DH?

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fruitbrewhaha · 15/05/2021 21:55

Well there's your problem OP, you need a bigger house so she has her own room.

HTH

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LagunaBubbles · 15/05/2021 21:56

It’s sad that a grown man is scared of his DD13 and capitulates to her for fear she ‘falls
out with him’ that’s pathetic.

Totally agree with this, such a weird dynamic!

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Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 21:56

@KFleming ahhhhh I see, well yes but like I said, they never really eat it all and even if they did it would be fine. They are healthy kids who eat a balanced diet and are both tall and slim.

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/05/2021 21:56

Buy a bigger house so she has her own bedroom.

Or put a TV in your own bedroom and go up about 8 with hubby.

Or dive on the sofa next to your hubby and put your feet up on his lap before she gets there.

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Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 21:58

Alternatively get a telly her bedroom and she can watch telly in there and DH can stay with her if he’s too cowardly.

Why can’t she tell her to go to bed though, why does it have to be DH, then say he’s scared too as she’s obviously scared aswell otherwise she would have done it

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BiscoffAddict · 15/05/2021 21:59

At this age I was never out of my bedroom! Doesn’t she have a TV in her room?

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Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 15/05/2021 21:59

While it's true that children don't "need" their own rooms and sharing with siblings is perfectly fine, it's probably also the case that you are disadvantaged in the "leave us alone" parenting stakes by her not having her own lair to retreat to. What is she meant to do in your room? Is there a TV in there? A PlayStation? Does she have any of her own stuff in there?

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EggysMom · 15/05/2021 22:00

Ask her to fetch something from the kitchen for you, and then quickly swap seats

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RogerJamjet · 15/05/2021 22:00

Their DD is getting special treatment
Is she? She's just watching TV in her home until 10pm and sitting on a sofa.

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Floralnomad · 15/05/2021 22:01

Well the issue is she has quite a late bedtime and nowhere else to go because she doesn’t have a room to hang out in . I don’t think you can expect her to use your bedroom . We let ours sort out out their own bedtimes from 10/11 but while they were at school they were generally in their rooms by 9/9:30 . I must admit that our dc being around in the evenings was never an issue for us .

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Chloemol · 15/05/2021 22:01

So glad you are not my mother, you sound awful

Just be grateful she wants to spend time with you, because soon you will be moaning about the fact she ignores you

Watch what you want, if she doesn’t want to watch it she can always leave, but why should she be forced to spend time in her room when she obviously doesn’t want to

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osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/05/2021 22:02

I have one with autism. He's ever around. C'est la vie.

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RedHelenB · 15/05/2021 22:02

Why turn the film off? Why are you not sitting on the sofa with your dh? You're being a martyr and yabu.

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jamestowno · 15/05/2021 22:02

Maybe DH prefers her company to yours 🥴

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osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/05/2021 22:03

My DD is going to leave home in the next year or two. I love having her around.

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UserAtRandom · 15/05/2021 22:03

If she shares a room with her sister and her sister is in bed, I'm not sure where you expect her to go? She needs some sort of space of her own - if there is nowhere suitable, then you and DH might have to consider spending at least some evenings in your bedroom so she can have the lounge to herself.

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Floralnomad · 15/05/2021 22:04

I doubt that the OPs husband is scared of falling out with his daughter it’s more likely that her being downstairs just doesn’t bother him so why should he be the one telling her to go away .

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Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 22:04

Only on MN is it out if order to send your kids to bed, MN where everyone advocates self care, and not letting anyone take the proverbial, for standing up for yourself and looking out for number 1.

I'm honestly gobsmacked at how many people think it's cruel to send a child to bed ... It's not 6.30pm ffs!!

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