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To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1718 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
1Morewineplease · 15/05/2021 21:31


fruitloop2021 · 15/05/2021 21:32

Why can't you send her upstairs? Confused You're the parent at the end of the day.

cookinahurry · 15/05/2021 21:32

I get this. Boundaries and bedtime required at 13 years of age in my opinion. Our daughter is loved, listened to and her complaint enjoyed immensely but she is our daughter and not our friend.
Not sure how you now start to enforce a bedtime at this stage though; you do need her dad inside though.
Good luck

MissM2912 · 15/05/2021 21:33

I appreciate it is annoying but if she is an only child she is probably lonely. How would you feel if your husband and daughter told you to go away.

cookinahurry · 15/05/2021 21:33

Company not complaint.

Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 21:33

So why can’t you send her to bed?

BluebirdHill · 15/05/2021 21:33

Why do they get the sofa and you not? Say that changes right now. You all should take turns in the crap seat at least.

cupsofcoffee · 15/05/2021 21:34

This feels very odd to me.

user648482729 · 15/05/2021 21:34

Now she’s 13 I’d just be watching what I wanted to and she can decide if she wants to be downstairs then on a weekend make it a family night where you all choose something together.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/05/2021 21:34

What time does she go to bed?

Ughmaybenot · 15/05/2021 21:35

Surely she, at thirteen, goes to bed earlier than you? So it’s not really your whole evening anyway. It seems a bit.. sad that you’re so completely irritated by her presence.

jengrosve · 15/05/2021 21:35

I don't get this at all. I'm an only child and my parents included me in everything, especially by the time I was 13. After all, 5 short years later I'd moved out to go to uni and never moved back home.

Can't you enjoy the time you have with her?

ThatFlamingCandle · 15/05/2021 21:36

Can't you eat all her politely to go upstairs? It doesn't have to be bedtime or an argument.

Literally just "DD would you mind going up by 9 tonight so me and dad can watch a film"

Really not that hard, it took more effort to write this post than must ask fgs

HerMammy · 15/05/2021 21:36

Does she not have interests of her own?
It’s quite unusual for a teenager to sit with her parents every night, most are on screens or out with friends.
Do you and DH never have an early night and watch a movie in your bedroom? why is he scared to speak up?

minipie · 15/05/2021 21:36

Definitely agree you and DH should be on the same sofa.

How about she has a tablet and headphones? That way she can sit with you for company but she’s not listening/watching your TV and she’s not bored.

Ozzie9523 · 15/05/2021 21:36

In a few years you’ll hardly see her and she won’t want to be with you in the evenings very often. Make the most of this time with her!

RoseRedRoseBlue · 15/05/2021 21:36

You are the parent, so exert some authority and.....parent.

Macncheeseballs · 15/05/2021 21:37

My kids go to bed st the time they are meant to

FoodieToo · 15/05/2021 21:37

Wow, I think this is horrible . We have 5 kids, 4 teens . Love them being around , great fun.
Where do you want your daughter to go ??

speakout · 15/05/2021 21:37

As children grow things change- and when they become teenagers they can't be tucked up in bed at 6pm like a toddler giving you adult eveing time.
It's unfair to send her upstairs before her bedtime just because you don;t like her company.
How would you feel?
Things will get worse in the next few years.
A 13year old needs only a little more sleep than an adult- what will you do when she is 15? 17?
You can't send her to bed at 16 years old.
You need to re adjust your evening activities to include your teenager.

Is she your biological daughter OP?

wildeverose · 15/05/2021 21:38

This is so sad.

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:38

She goes bed around 10/10.15. So literally the same time.

I do enjoy it but sometimes I just need a break.

She shares her room with her younger sister so can’t go and relax in her room sadly, but she has our room that she sometimes goes and relaxes in.

OP posts:
Orangebug · 15/05/2021 21:38

What time does she go to bed? My 13yo goes at 9pm so DH and I have an hour or two to ourselves. (We also have a 15yo DS but he's generally in his bedroom by that time.)

Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 21:38

My DD 15 and DS 12 are given a filled drinks bottle (the kind they take to school ) and a packet of crisps, chocolate biscuit and mini bag of haribo at 8:30/9pm. (They usually only eat the crisps) then they have no reason to come downstairs unless they have a problem. We all need downtime even parents!

itsgettingwierd · 15/05/2021 21:39

That doesn't sound fair - dd and DH cuddled on a sofa whilst your pushed out.

She's the child and your his partner.

Start lying down boundaries.

And start saying bedtime is 9pm (reasonable for 13).

My ds is now 16 and we often both go at 9 (we get up at 4 as he's a swimmer) or on nights of no swimming in the morning we go when we are tired. But we alternate choice of tv or watch the shows we both like together.

This evening he's watching something he wants but did ask me at 9 if I'd like to find something on tv we both like. But I'm happy he is watching a programme as I'm on MN!

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