To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

[Gwenhwyfar]

"having schoolday bedtimes, and at a reasonable hour, say 9pm to go up, is not mean.
it is helping her develop good practices for the world of work."

No, you don't have a bedtime when you're an adult at work. For that you need to develop your own self-discipline, whether that is done at 13 or 17.

[bert3400]

Honestly if I said to my DS12 "me and dad are going to have a cuddle and watch a soppy film " he would be out like a shot . No kid wants to see thier parents having cuddle

[castemary]

@bert3400 I just remember feeling jealous when my parents did that as they did not cuddle me on the sofa.

[m0therofdragons]

Am I the only adult with a bedtime? I mean, it’s late but I go to bed roughly the same time every night. I think it’s fairly normal for everyone to have a bedtime but at 13 it may need some guidance - we’re not talking about taking a 13 year old up and brushing her teeth!

[castemary]

@m0therofdragons No I do not have a bedtime. The time I go to bed varies depending on how tired I am. I do not think it is normal for adults to have a bedtime.

[KurtWilde]

I don't have a bedtime either, I just go up when I'm ready which could be anytime between 9pm and the wee small hours depending on how tired I am and when I need to get up

[Caelan2018]

No I meant our 16 year old watches his own TV in his room after 9pm or if we are watching a film he will stay up but usually he is on ps4 or Netflix and the two small ones are in bed by 9.30 every night I am not sure what you mean to be honest

[Maggiesfarm]

I never knew we were supposed to shoo our children out of the sitting room so we could have it to ourselves. I assumed we would all be together a lot of the time. I remember sitting with my parents watching TV all evening. We did have another sitting room so they could go in there with friends but they were in and out of both rooms throughout the evening, and bedroom and kitchen.

They seemed to like being with us and we liked having them. It doesn't last forever.

[UserAtRandom]

[quote castemary]@m0therofdragons No I do not have a bedtime. The time I go to bed varies depending on how tired I am. I do not think it is normal for adults to have a bedtime.[/quote]
Same. My teens also go to bed when they are tired.
My parents used to make me go to the bed at the same (early) time every night until I got to about 16. It meant I lay in bed awake for potentially hours. In this instance, they did not know best.
OP is not interested in whether her DD is getting enough sleep anyway. She just wants her out of the way.

[m0therofdragons]

@castemary yet I know my close friends have weekday bedtimes - df1&2 are in bed at 9.30-10pm latest df3&4 are night owls and bed is between 11.30-12 midnight (so on WhatsApp we message late but know df1&2 will catch up in the morning. There’s fairly strong evidence that most personality types benefit from routine.

[castemary]

@m0therofdragons maybe people who like routine are more likely to have family and friends who are the same?
We don't eat at the same time every day either.
I hate strict routine. So being told to eat when I am not yet hungry or sleep when I am not yet tired. But I know some people who eat their evening meal at exactly the same time every night.
Do what works for you, but do not assume everyone else does the same.

[Caelan2018]

They all have their own bedrooms we have a five bedroom three bathrooms detached house he can come down anytime he likes he is actually sitting here with me now watching tv and eating cereal 😂😂

[paralysedbyinertia]

I don't have a bedtime and neither does DH. We both go to sleep when it suits us, sometimes early, sometimes late. DD is now nearly 16 and self regulates too. That is normal for my extended family. I don't think I have ever had a conversation with friends about what time they go to bed.

[WeWantAMackerelNotASprat]

@castemary apparently it's better for our sleep if we have a regular bedtime and get up time!

I think I naturally have a bedtime. Mine has got later, used to be 10 but now our children are teens and go to bed later it's nearer 11.

(I do allow myself to stay up late occasionally 🤣)

[KurtWilde]

I can't see the point in having a bedtime, if I wasn't tired at that time I'd just lay there for hours. Some nights I'm shattered by 9 and in bed, some nights I'm still up at 2am because I'm not sleepy yet.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"@castemary apparently it's better for our sleep if we have a regular bedtime and get up time!"

Yes, but no way will I go to bed on the weekend the same time as I do during the week.

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

Can you set up another room for her to watch what she likes? Dining room with sofa in corner? Halfway house? She's got nowhere to go by the sounds of it? You def need some adult time or space. When my kids were younger i announced mummy time so they knew i would be watching whatever i wanted usually ben on tipping point! Lol xx

[felulageller]

There are huge red flags for child sexual abuse here. The relationship between the new step dad and the DD is disturbing. It's like the groomer's to do list.

DD doesn't sound safe and there's no one there to protect her.

[CoelacanthSharpener]

@felulageller

There are huge red flags for child sexual abuse here. The relationship between the new step dad and the DD is disturbing. It's like the groomer's to do list.

DD doesn't sound safe and there's no one there to protect her.

Are you sure you're on the right thread???

[RightYesButNo]

@felulageller

There are huge red flags for child sexual abuse here. The relationship between the new step dad and the DD is disturbing. It's like the groomer's to do list.

DD doesn't sound safe and there's no one there to protect her.

Er, what @felulageller ? It’s not a new stepdad, though there seems to have been a ton of confusion on this thread. From the OP’s own thread in December:
“My dd was 5 when I met my now husband. 8 years later and they are best friends. They go shopping, for coffee etc. She calls him dad and absolutely loves him.”

I think MNHQ would prefer we not link to previous threads but since you’re making a very serious accusation, here is the one that states in the OP her daughter has grown up with the stepdad as her father from age 5:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4101488-To-be-jealous-of-how-close-dh-and-dd-are

Also. I don’t think any comments are going to make any difference now. If you comment after this, know this is practically a zombie thread now. OP only made two comments (out of over 700), both on the first page, and hasn’t been back for six days.

[MrsBunHat]

I don’t know about huge red flag but the same thing crossed my mind. It doesn’t matter how long he’s been her stepdad, it makes a difference to how likely abuse is (although as we know some dads do it too). It sounds uncomfortable to me speaking from experience as someone who was groomed at that age.

[JimBobNoJob]

I don’t think the OP is coming back!

[KurtWilde]

Not surprised really, this thread went from posters offering strategies on how to get some adult time in the evening to the step dad grooming the DD!

OP clearly has some issues, many of them seem to centre around her teenage DD and her younger DC too. Over the course of her other threads it's made for some quite sad reading, but only OP knows whether she's willing to get help with this negativity. This thread won't have helped at all.

[Mama2Julie]

Shes part of the family, but mean to resent your child's presence. Maybe once or twice a week request that she goes to your room to watch a movie or you and dad go lie on your bed together and unwind?
Why di you get annoyed that she's snuggled up to her dad?

[intheenddoesitreallymatter]

If she’s old enough not to have a bedtime she’s old enough to watch grown up things