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To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

INeedNewShoes · 15/05/2021 22:36

I think the living room has to be a communal space. Given that DD can’t even spend the evening in her own bedroom then it would be fairer to ensure she is welcome to be in the living room and a couple of evenings a week you and DD watch a film in your room.

littlepattilou · 15/05/2021 22:36

@Thedarksideofthemoon30 Biscuit

INeedNewShoes · 15/05/2021 22:37

Typo - you and DH watch a film in your room!

CutieBear · 15/05/2021 22:38

Your DDs need separate rooms. No wonder she’s downstairs with you and DH - she has nowhere else to relax!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/05/2021 22:38

Something in the way that this is written makes it seem like she’s not your child?

Regardless, it’s understandable her being downstairs if she doesn’t have her own space. I wouldn’t want to be in my dads/parents room too much, and her younger sister is in her room.... is there anywhere else in the house she can make her evening place?

Although I was often downstairs with my foster parents. Mostly my foster dad, to be honest. We’d watch stuff on TV until 11ish and then one of us would go to bed... usually him. I have some weirdly fond memories of watching footballers wives with him!

littlepattilou · 15/05/2021 22:38

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Branleuse · 15/05/2021 22:39

Its normal to want your kids to go to bed sometimes, but if the kid doesnt have a room of their own and isnt allowed to wake her sister then its kind of tough shit isnt it. Your kid. Its her that compromised when her sister came along amd gave up private space. Cant you put put a telly in your room so you can watch it in bed when you want privacy

LucilleBluth · 15/05/2021 22:40

Nope. Adult time, off upstairs to read or watch TV at 9pm during the week. No way would I have that every night, weekends yes of course.

Tell her that you want to watch something inappropriate.

Meatbadger · 15/05/2021 22:42

@LucilleBluth the poor bugger doesn’t have anywhere else to go. If she had her own bedroom fair enough perhaps.

Fuckingcrustybread · 15/05/2021 22:43


You agreed to date someone with children, these are the sacrifices that you the child free person has to make in order for the relationship to work out, they come as a package deal, you will have to put up with it even if it annoys you, the step children come first I'm afraid.

I think that you should be tucked up in bed yourself. You appear to have lost the ability to read an opening post properly. No stepchildren were harmed in the making of this thread
Jennyfromtheculdesac · 15/05/2021 22:43

OP I’m confused. You don’t want DD downstairs with you but she can’t hang out in her own room. At the moment she can’t go and hangout at a friends house, unless illegally.

What exactly do you want her to do? Roam the streets for a few hours so you can watch a film?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/05/2021 22:43

But where’s she meant to go if she’s not welcome in the living room? She doesn’t have a room of her own and her sister’s already in bed. So - she’s supposed to sit in the hall or on the landing...? Confused

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 15/05/2021 22:43

You turned the film off because she was fiddling with her glasses? Why? Maybe if she's bored she'll take herself off to her room.

I'm so glad my parents always made me feel welcome and enjoyed family time even though they probably found me tiresome at times!

Is she your step daughter?

NFLwidow · 15/05/2021 22:44

Christ! Fuck knows why the OP is getting such a roasting! My child is 13 and an only child so I totally get it. Me and husband work full time and sometimes you just want an hour as a couple to have an adult conversation, wind down and to catch up!
Being together as a family constantly is weird! Everyone needs space! It’s normal!! Especially after lockdown. I want a week on my own and I love my kid and husband. I just want a break from them. They should too. No one has the right to suggest your a wank parent for wanting an hour to yourself from a teen.

Lotusmonster · 15/05/2021 22:44

Errr because this is her home too right?

FizzyPink · 15/05/2021 22:44

I wish people would read through a thread before replying. OP’s poor daughter can’t go upstairs and read or watch TV in her room, she doesn’t have her own room.
You sound actually quite nasty and jealous of your husband and daughter’s relationship. Storming out the room and switching the TV off that they’re watching Hmm

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/05/2021 22:44

Poor girl and DH. OP is resenting daughter and wants to pack her off but is too cowardly to do her own dirty work so wants the DH to do it to their DD. Just awful. What did she think the teen years would be like? DCs don’t stay little and have 8pm bedtimes forever.

Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 22:45

I’d probably use a telly in your own room and leave DH and DD to it

OppsUpsSide · 15/05/2021 22:45

YANBU, I love my DC dearly and have always prioritised them but I need an hour or 2 to myself every evening without having to put them first to make them possible. It’s not wrong it is modelling healthy boundaries and also helps them to understand you are a person not beyond ‘mum’ with your own needs and feelings that also matter.

Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 22:45

Maybe she could listen to audible books through headphones

OppsUpsSide · 15/05/2021 22:46

Bloody autocorrect!

Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 22:46

You’re only asking for an hour and 15 minutes to yourself each night. Very reasonable

PeanuttyButter · 15/05/2021 22:46

Poor dd, she will know your feelings about her and it won't do you any favours when she's older OP., This is coming from someone who's mother loves her but doesn't like her. She has nowhere to go, can't go to her room for comfort so is seeking comfort where she knows she can get it (your dh). Ever wondered why she doesn't cosy up to you?

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 22:46

Depressing thread. You talk about her as if she's some housemate that you like well enough but find bothersome if they hang around too much.

shiningstar2 · 15/05/2021 22:47

This is a difficult time. You spend the first 2 or 3 years getting them into a bedtime routine. Then you enjoy a few years where your evenings are 'reclaimed'. Yours and dh's time. Bed at 7.30 then chilling with dh and a class of wine. Great. ...While it lasts.

But you can't keep then little children for ever. You have entered a new stage where they gradually become young adults. I think your dd would be quite hurt if she realized you don't want her around in the evenings. From your point of view, it is understandable that you want your evening time back but from her point of view, she is getting older and doesn't want or need an early bedtime like her younger sister.

This stage has both advantages and disadvantages. They are far more independent than they were when they were little ...great ...but they are around later at night ...not so great. Could you compromise. Later nights at weekend ...earlier nights on school nights?

If it's any consolation you will get your free time together back when they go onto the next stage, when they never want any family time at all and you will be like others on these boards with older teenagers complaining that they never want to be around you at all. Flowers

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