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AIBU?

To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:

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AIBU

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speakout · 15/05/2021 21:39

I agree it is very sad.

Poor kid.

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FoodieToo · 15/05/2021 21:41

Seriously , sent to bed with a bag of jellies?

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Seeline · 15/05/2021 21:41

What time is her bedtime?

I don't think you can stop her being in the same room until it's bedtime. What are you expecting her to do for the evening alone in her bedroom?

You can ask to sit next to you DH, and watch what you want, but I don't think you can banish her!

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Mumski45 · 15/05/2021 21:42

Wow. I have exactly the opposite problem. I can't get DS13 out of his room. I would love for him to spend an evening watching tv with us and at 13 I don't think there are many films I would need him to go out of the room for so I could watch them. Enjoy it whilst you can.

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RoseRedRoseBlue · 15/05/2021 21:42

@Rabbitheadlights you send your kids to bed with that haul every night?

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Moonshine11 · 15/05/2021 21:42

Honestly you need to make the most of it.
Make it fun, it doesn’t have to be boring watching a film every night.

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m0therofdragons · 15/05/2021 21:43

This is so strange. Dd is 13 and sitting next to me right now but a couple of times a week Dh and I send her up to watch tv in her room so we have a night together. She’s very loved but understands the importance of Dh and I having time together. Boundaries are important.

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MegBusset · 15/05/2021 21:43

Ours are 12 and 14 and yes you do lose your evening downtime at this age. Ours go to bed the same time as us at weekends. Just part of having a teenager.

However that doesn't mean you have to give up watching what you want. Get her a tablet and headphones and say to her, DD tonight we are watching a programme that's not suitable for you. You can stay with us and watch your own programme or game with your headphones on. Or you can go hang out upstairs with your sister or go in our room.

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HerMammy · 15/05/2021 21:43

MN is the only place where I come across parents who devote 24/7 to kids, it’s not sad that parents want and should have sometime
to themselves.
Red carpet treatment of kids isn’t doing them any favours except teaching them to be selfish and expect to have their way all of the time.
It’s sad that a grown man is scared of his DD13 and capitulates to her for fear she ‘falls
out with him’ that’s pathetic.

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FoodieToo · 15/05/2021 21:44

It's not devoting 24/7 to your kids, it's enjoying their company . It's the weekend !

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wildeverose · 15/05/2021 21:45

@HerMammy

MN is the only place where I come across parents who devote 24/7 to kids, it’s not sad that parents want and should have sometime
to themselves.
Red carpet treatment of kids isn’t doing them any favours except teaching them to be selfish and expect to have their way all of the time.
It’s sad that a grown man is scared of his DD13 and capitulates to her for fear she ‘falls
out with him’ that’s pathetic.

Not telling a child to go away isn't red carpet treatment. Do get a grip.

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Rabbitheadlights · 15/05/2021 21:45

@FoodieToo yes .. what's wrong with that?

I am up every day at 4, 7days a week so I don't think it's unreasonable to want an hour to myself come 9pm. In reality most evenings I will end up sat chatting to them in their respective rooms about nonsense but yes at 9pm they need to be in their rooms reading or whatever. They also have younger siblings so mooching about the house making a racket doesn't work for us.

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Egghead81 · 15/05/2021 21:45

* Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!*

This is what you should be starting a thread about.

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Neonprint · 15/05/2021 21:46

So you're complaining that she's downstairs but she can't go upstairs to her bedroom? Where do you want her to go?

As pp's have said make the most of this time. But perhaps set a certain evening a week for the two of you? Could you watch a film in bed together?

It is important parents don't revolve their life around their children. But equally I assume you did understand how much room you had at home when you had children and the reality of this?

I assume you're in a 2 bed house? She'd probably like her own space too. But I understand not everyone can just move.

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KFleming · 15/05/2021 21:46

[quote Rabbitheadlights]@FoodieToo yes .. what's wrong with that?

I am up every day at 4, 7days a week so I don't think it's unreasonable to want an hour to myself come 9pm. In reality most evenings I will end up sat chatting to them in their respective rooms about nonsense but yes at 9pm they need to be in their rooms reading or whatever. They also have younger siblings so mooching about the house making a racket doesn't work for us.[/quote]
I don’t think Foodie was querying the sending to bed. More the crisps, biscuit and haribo every night.

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Birminghambloke · 15/05/2021 21:49

If DH was with you on a sofa would you feel happier? Could you all alternate the pairings on each sofa? Can you define a bedtime for her that leaves a bit of time for you and DH? 20.00/20.30 with then reading time until light out at 21.00 is not unreasonable IMO for a 13 year old. I’d think definitely in bed by the watershed to give you freedom to watch what you like. DD is still a child. If DD not there, would DH sit with you or would you retain a sofa each?

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JackANackAnoreeee · 15/05/2021 21:49

So you want her to go sit upstairs alone all evening? Sounds quite mean. Surely at 13 if you're watching a film she can sit through it or decide to go elsewhere, why turn it of

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Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 21:50

Surely you just send her out and put an adult film on at a specific time each night? 9pm or whatever

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gingerbiscuit19 · 15/05/2021 21:50

God your poor child. How upsetting for your mum not to want you hanging around. Just enjoy the small amount of time you have left of her wanting to be around you.

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m0therofdragons · 15/05/2021 21:50

What does falling out with your Dd actually look like? I ask as the mum of a 13 year old and we’ve never “fallen out”.

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nocoolnamesleft · 15/05/2021 21:51

Would you prefer her to be keeping her younger sister awake?

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FoodieToo · 15/05/2021 21:51

I just can't imagine wanting to send my teens upstairs with a bag of treats at the weekend .
Weeks are incredibly busy with 5 kids and two full time working parents . Weekends are to enjoytime with them .
They'll be gone soon enough.
Maybe I am completely crazy!!!!

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headintheproverbial · 15/05/2021 21:52

OP I'm dreading this stage with my children. I absolutely relish the hours 8pm-10pm just to have some adult time! You have my sympathies!

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Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 21:52

Personally I’d give her the issue. Tell her you have no time alone with DH and that you can’t watch the films you like. Then ask her for a solution.

Alternatively get a telly her bedroom and she can watch telly in there and DH can stay with her if he’s too cowardly.

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grapewine · 15/05/2021 21:52

She shares her room with her younger sister so can’t go and relax in her room sadly, but she has our room that she sometimes goes and relaxes in.

This is probably why, tbh. I wouldn't have felt relaxed in my parents' bedroom as a teenager. Do you really rather want her in there?

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