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To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

726 replies

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 15/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1718 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
ToniHargis · 17/05/2021 18:10

This, to me, is just another stage of parenting. In the beginning, they can't do a thing for themselves, then they can brush their own teeth, dress themselves etc. You get the drift.
Teenagers roam the house. It's their home.
If you've given her the use of your bedroom till her bedtime, there's a reason she's choosing to be in the same room as her parents. The teenage years can be fraught, and my advice is always to keep the lines of communication open. Yes, if she's bored and spoiling the film for you, then suggest she goes and reads or watches TV elsewhere. She can't do that. But if you're just not OK with her presence (not in an unloving kind of way), I'm afraid this is the next stage.

Notnownotneverever · 17/05/2021 18:14

I don’t quite understand how you are making sure a problem. You get a TV guide. Make a plan with her. On x,y, z night she gets to stay downstairs and watch x, y, z programme with you. On the other nights you send her to bed at a set time whilst you have time with your DH downstairs. And you explain that your relationship with her dad is important as is she and make time for both.

castemary · 17/05/2021 18:14

@mam0918 you send a 13 year old to bed at 8.30pm?

Mumofferalkids · 17/05/2021 18:14

My 13 year old is the opposite and pretty much refuses to leave her room, I wish she would come down more! That said both kids have to go to their rooms by 9-9.30 in the week and 10-10.30 at the weekend, so I always get at least an hour or two to chill without them - does she not have a bed time!

Notnownotneverever · 17/05/2021 18:15

I agree with the PP as well. This is the next stage of parenting and it does suck a bit. But don’t let it become an issue. You have boundaries with little children so set a couple now she is older. Just acknowledge that she wants to be with you and make some days of the week about her.

castemary · 17/05/2021 18:16

@Notnownotneverever she is 13. She shares a room with a younger sibling who is sleeping. So you would send a 13-year-old to bed at 8 pm so the parents can be alone?
Truthfully if that had happened to me as a 13-year old I would have fucked off out of the house and stayed out as late as I wanted. Because the message is clearly fuck off.

castemary · 17/05/2021 18:17

@Mumofferalkids your children have their own room. This girl has a younger sibling asleep. So if sent to her room would not be able to make any noise or presumably even have the light on.

Waiting423 · 17/05/2021 18:18

This is strange to me - it’s her home - and if she wants to sit downstairs in the evening with her parents - what’s wrong with that ? … it’s part of parenting

grapewine · 17/05/2021 18:18

Truthfully if that had happened to me as a 13-year old I would have fucked off out of the house and stayed out as late as I wanted. Because the message is clearly fuck off.

Pretty much.

whoopsabloominbuttercup · 17/05/2021 18:30

Before you know it she will have left home and you will be wishing she was back to share her evenings with you. Life is very short enjoy her while you can.

Cloglover · 17/05/2021 18:34

You sound envious of her relationship with her dad? Can't you all snuggle up together?

paralysedbyinertia · 17/05/2021 18:36


Send her to bed, its on you to tell her.

I thought it was bad enough with mine coming down every 30-45 minutes to pee or ask a question he 'forgot' during the day but I absoloutly would not put up with them just intruding on our time.

And yes after the kids bedtime it is 'OUR' time to be together (so after 8.30 until about 11 is the only time we get together because of either work or running around after the kids) and relax, unless one of them is sick theres zero reason for them to be sat downstair with us past that time - the little ones should be asleep and the oldest can play on his tablet in his room for an hour or so then sleep.

Wow. I'm so glad that my parents weren't like this.
RoSEbuds6 · 17/05/2021 18:43

god OP, my dd wafts around making a mess and disdainfully sniffing at us, I would be overjoyed if she wanted to spend the evenings with us. (Only joking really, she is just growing up and doing her thing) If your DD didn't share a room she would be in her room on her own on TikTok like the rest of her peers.
Teens have it pretty tough nowadays, please be lovely and cherish her while she's there. Also it's lovely she has a great relationship with her dad, it means that (hopefully) she'll have healthy relationships in the future. I sympathise that you want adult time, but you might have to wait until she can go for sleepovers again.

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 17/05/2021 18:48


You are the grown up so you make All the rules in your home - she sounds badly brought up I'm afraid to say

What? Badly brought up? What?!! Hmm
Pixie2015 · 17/05/2021 18:48

At 13 just watch what you want she can join or go elsewhere! Ban crisps from the room!

Bbq1 · 17/05/2021 18:48


Before you know it she will have left home and you will be wishing she was back to share her evenings with you. Life is very short enjoy her while you can.

I very much doubt Op will ever be wishing her daughter was home to share evenings with her. She seems to really actively dislike the poor girl.
Needanewhat · 17/05/2021 18:50

How is this thread still going when OP hasn't responded in two days?!

You're all just arguing with yourselves.

devilish · 17/05/2021 19:02

I wish my 13 yr old would come sit with me in the evening instead she sits in her room on her phone and barley emerges we eat together and that’s it, I spend the evenings alone in the living room.
Op id make the most of it if I were u

Needanewhat · 17/05/2021 19:02

I definitely wouldn't be letting a 13 year old sit in their bedroom on their phone all evening.

Gilly12345 · 17/05/2021 19:08

Encourage her to go to bed a bit earlier than 10/10.15pm?

Make sure you are sat on the sofa and she sits in the armchair.

Make the most of this time, it won’t be long before she has a tv in her bedroom or she will be out with her mates and you will see less of her.

ChrisWitlessPatrickUnbalanced · 17/05/2021 19:14

You're all just arguing with yourselves

True, true 🤣

cupsofcoffee · 17/05/2021 19:25

You're all just arguing with yourselves.

MN summed up in one sentence Grin

MorganKitten · 17/05/2021 19:41

You are the parent, send her to bed.

wantanotherdog · 17/05/2021 19:49

Your daughter is 13. She is a child. You and your husband are adults and her parents. This is where you have to act like parents and adults. At 13 your daughter needs to be in bed at at a sensible time during the week so she is fit to concentrate at school (I've been a teacher - sleep deprived children do not function well). She is also old enough to be told that you need adult time with your husband. If she wants special daddy time, that can happen during the early part of the evening or weekends. If she is allowed to dictate to you at the age of thirteen, believe me, when she is 16 you are going to have a tough old time of it. You love your daughter, so be reasonable and kind but firm. As I said - you are the adults. Act like it.

FluffyPaws · 17/05/2021 19:51

A lot of people started replying o poor girl.and so wasn’t the girl whose on here asking for our help it’s the lady who sounds like she’s at breaking point. It may have been COVID .it may be loads of different reasons..please Please be kind to this person..see it from a burnt out perspective..If you’ve never been there well congratulations to you..But some off us have .it will pass .but for now she’s asking fr help.

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