To be fed up of dd13 downstairs everynight

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

I absolutely love my dd13 obviously and I appreciate she wants to hang out with us (her dad!!) but it’s getting past a joke. It’s been going on for over a year now and We haven’t had one evening to ourselves in that time. I’m sick of not being able to watch soemthing that isn’t suitable. I’m sick of listening to her eating crisps while watching something lol and I’m sick of having to sit on my own on the other side of the room while she lays on the other sofa with DH.

We were halfway through a film but she clearly was bored, messing with her glasses etc so I turned it off and came to bed. I’m so fed up with it every single night!!

Dh won’t send her up stairs, he’s always too scared to say anything incase she falls out with him!!

[castemary]

@Serpenta

Tell if you don’t get that time you will end up divorced, is that what she wants?

Christ on a bike. Some people on this thread clearly from the Joan Crawford school of mothering.

I agree. I can not imagine putting on a child that whether their parents get divorced or not is dependent on their behaviour.

[StrawberryLipstickStateOfMind]

@ilikemethewayiam

Why can’t you tell her that you love her dearly but that you and her Dad need to have adult alone time in the evening for the sake of your marriage. Tell her you need time to share stuff, discuss your day, all the things that bond two people. Tell if you don’t get that time you will end up divorced, is that what she wants? She old enough to understand this. You need to have boundaries. You are being too soft. You are in charge not her.

It's a good thing you like yourself @ilikemethewayiam , can't imagine who else would if you advocate telling a child they'd be responsible for their parents divorce.

And FFS read the thread, the number of people on here who have found that difficult is ridiculous. The girl doesn't even have her own space to go to.

[PommieCheeks75]

@ilikemethewayiam

Why can’t you tell her that you love her dearly but that you and her Dad need to have adult alone time in the evening for the sake of your marriage. Tell her you need time to share stuff, discuss your day, all the things that bond two people. Tell if you don’t get that time you will end up divorced, is that what she wants? She old enough to understand this. You need to have boundaries. You are being too soft. You are in charge not her.

For real? She has no where to go!

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Christ who would lay that on a child ... parents divorce

[Mum2b43]

My DS is 13 and I would love it if he wanted to sit with us. His bedtime is 9:30 and I sometimes have to bribe him to sit with us to watch a movie or some telly. He is always in his room chatting to mates, playing games. I feel so sad that he has already reached the point where hanging out with mum isn’t cool.

I do think maybe she is just bored or lonely. Does she have a phone, tablet or computer? Doesn’t she have friends? I would be worried about her more than irritated with her. At her age she should be starting to show more independence and have friends. Have the conversation... ask her if she has friends, interests or maybe wants to start a hobby. Lockdown has changed our kids, she has got used to being locked in a house with you both. Maybe encouraging going to mates house, or maybe she can invite a friend over for dinner on a Saturday?

[Bbq1]

@Mum2b43

My DS is 13 and I would love it if he wanted to sit with us. His bedtime is 9:30 and I sometimes have to bribe him to sit with us to watch a movie or some telly. He is always in his room chatting to mates, playing games. I feel so sad that he has already reached the point where hanging out with mum isn’t cool.

I do think maybe she is just bored or lonely. Does she have a phone, tablet or computer? Doesn’t she have friends? I would be worried about her more than irritated with her. At her age she should be starting to show more independence and have friends. Have the conversation... ask her if she has friends, interests or maybe wants to start a hobby. Lockdown has changed our kids, she has got used to being locked in a house with you both. Maybe encouraging going to mates house, or maybe she can invite a friend over for dinner on a Saturday?

Good ideas but op doesn't even like her own daughter or want her at home so she's hardly going to welcome a second child.

[YellowFish12]

@Mum2b43

My DS is 13 and I would love it if he wanted to sit with us. His bedtime is 9:30 and I sometimes have to bribe him to sit with us to watch a movie or some telly. He is always in his room chatting to mates, playing games. I feel so sad that he has already reached the point where hanging out with mum isn’t cool.

I do think maybe she is just bored or lonely. Does she have a phone, tablet or computer? Doesn’t she have friends? I would be worried about her more than irritated with her. At her age she should be starting to show more independence and have friends. Have the conversation... ask her if she has friends, interests or maybe wants to start a hobby. Lockdown has changed our kids, she has got used to being locked in a house with you both. Maybe encouraging going to mates house, or maybe she can invite a friend over for dinner on a Saturday?

Invite a friend over... to sit in the sitting room? Since they can’t hang out in the daughters bedroom? Thereby doubling the annoyance of the mother who hates having her daughter in the sitting room?



I do wish parents would consider space, cost and emotional input requirements as part of family planning

[castemary]

There is no way a friend can come over to hang out in her friend's parents bedroom.

[KurtWilde]

@ilikemethewayiam

Why can’t you tell her that you love her dearly but that you and her Dad need to have adult alone time in the evening for the sake of your marriage. Tell her you need time to share stuff, discuss your day, all the things that bond two people. Tell if you don’t get that time you will end up divorced, is that what she wants? She old enough to understand this. You need to have boundaries. You are being too soft. You are in charge not her.

Christ on a cracker is this post for real??

[castemary]

And I have seen on here many times people complaining about a child that comes over to their house, but their child is never invited to their house. So even if this girl has friends, their parents may be annoyed at a lack of reciprocal invites and so wont have her over to their house in the evening.

[Caelan2018]

We have 3 boys: 16 ,2 and 6 months they are all upstairs by 9.45 qecgo to bed about 11.30 we all need space

[UserAtRandom]

@Caelan2018

We have 3 boys: 16 ,2 and 6 months they are all upstairs by 9.45 qecgo to bed about 11.30 we all need space

I assume your 16 year old does have their own space then? And is not constrained to keep out of their own bedroom by much younger sibling, as in OP's case.

[MrsKoala]

We have 3 boys: 16 ,2 and 6 months they are all upstairs by 9.45 qecgo to bed about 11.30 we all need space

Is the downstairs your space then? I’m assuming you’ve all got space in your bedrooms so why do communal areas become off limits for some family members? If you want space surely you can go to your room like you expect them to.

[stayathomer]

Invite a friend over... to sit in the sitting room? Since they can’t hang out in the daughters bedroom? Thereby doubling the annoyance of the mother who hates having her daughter in the sitting room?
I just snorted.

[castemary]

@MrsKoala I agree. If parents want their own space, go to their bedroom.

[stayathomer]

Why can’t you tell her that you love her dearly but that you and her Dad need to have adult alone time in the evening for the sake of your marriage. Tell her you need time to share stuff, discuss your day, all the things that bond two people. Tell if you don’t get that time you will end up divorced, is that what she wants? She old enough to understand this. You need to have boundaries. You are being too soft. You are in charge not her.


Christ on a cracker is this post for real??
Did it again!(snort!)

[HerMammy]

I think a lot of ppl have taken this post the wrong way.
We regularly see posts about parents of under 5s desperate for a break; wanting GPs to babysit, DH to have kids alone, yet somehow OP saying every night for a year with no break from her DD is some horror of a mother.
Much as we love our kids we do not have to or need to spend every waking moment together, yes this girl doesn’t have her own room but I can understand OPs need for a break, no child is great company all of the time and they do need to be able to spend time alone.
Only on MN have I came across this enforced ‘family time’, no spontaneity; you must spend time together on Saturdays 12-4 etc, heaven forbid dad has a hobby or goes to a football match 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Egghead81]

@HerMammy

I think a lot of ppl have taken this post the wrong way.
We regularly see posts about parents of under 5s desperate for a break; wanting GPs to babysit, DH to have kids alone, yet somehow OP saying every night for a year with no break from her DD is some horror of a mother.
Much as we love our kids we do not have to or need to spend every waking moment together, yes this girl doesn’t have her own room but I can understand OPs need for a break, no child is great company all of the time and they do need to be able to spend time alone.
Only on MN have I came across this enforced ‘family time’, no spontaneity; you must spend time together on Saturdays 12-4 etc, heaven forbid dad has a hobby or goes to a football match 🤷🏼‍♀️

Face value they’ve been unfair

But do an advanced search on the OP and you’ll understand

[MrsKoala]

I think under 5s are different to 13 year olds. Having my 8yo around is not the same work as my 4 year old and I need way less of a break. Also they are at school away from you all day. I had 3 under 5 and yes I needed a break then.

[alexdgr8]

@marktayloruk

You should be grateful that she actually wants to be with you I don't believe in making go to bed anyway school night or not. Why can't you watch a 15.film together-especially.as she'd have to be quiet in her room?

because she's 13. not 15.
glad to see some signs of sensible parenting among all the let them do what they like, roam about the house trailing food, as if in a student flatshare.

[alexdgr8]

having schoolday bedtimes, and at a reasonable hour, say 9pm to go up, is not mean.
it is helping her develop good practices for the world of work.
habits of planning, being prepared, getting enough sleep.
this is not banishment. it is kindly, involved parenting.

but i think this OP situation is not really about that.
seems there are more fundamental issues, re relationships.

[Workingfromhomeishell]

It all depends what time she is going to bed

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

It seems to me that this 13 year old is being blamed for a lot that is wrong with the family dynamic that isn't really her fault, without even having a space of her own to retreat to.

[alexdgr8]

agree with that.
there are much deeper issues than on first view.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

And the disturbing thing is that the 13 year old seems to be being scapegoated for these issues.