Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls' school girls dating other girls

166 replies

DoingItForTheKid · 15/05/2021 16:45

My Y7 DD at a girls' school has at least 4 year group mates who are dating another girl.

My DD has asked if I would mind if she was bisexual. Of course I don't mind but I can't help think that this is just a fad to fit in.

What is the correct thing to say?

OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 15/05/2021 16:47

Doesn’t matter if it’s a fad. She can date whoever she wants, within legal age limit.

Iooselipssinkships · 15/05/2021 16:47

That you're proud of her whatever her sexuality.

MintyCedric · 15/05/2021 16:49

I work at the all girls school my DD attends.

It's pretty standard...lots of girls date girls or a mixture of girls and boys during the course of high school.

So long as it's all safe and age appropriate I wouldn't give it too much thought or be worrying about meaning and labels at this stage.

tiredanddangerous · 15/05/2021 16:49

Well of course you tell her you don't mind if she's bisexual.

somersault · 15/05/2021 16:49

I don't mind who you date, as long as they are a good person and kind to you.

Thinkaboutthings · 15/05/2021 16:49

What does ‘dating’ mean? I think year 7 (age 11-12) is very young for relationships so it depends what it entails.

Beamur · 15/05/2021 16:50

I think you would be unwise to say it's a fad. You shouldn't assume heteronormativity. Your DD may be bi or she might be a lesbian. She might not be sure but don't trivialise her feelings.
4 girls in a school year isn't that many.
I think your response to her is fine. You love her whatever. She's entitled to a privacy, so it's a good thing she feels confident to say this to you.

LakieLady · 15/05/2021 16:51

@DoingItForTheKid

My Y7 DD at a girls' school has at least 4 year group mates who are dating another girl.

My DD has asked if I would mind if she was bisexual. Of course I don't mind but I can't help think that this is just a fad to fit in.

What is the correct thing to say?

How about "Whatever makes you happy, DD"?
MishMashMummy · 15/05/2021 16:51

NOT that you think it’s a fad.

Tell her it’s fine. Tell her you don’t care what the gender of any partner she chooses is. That her sexuality is valid, that you love her, that it doesn’t change anything.

Thinkaboutthings · 15/05/2021 16:51

Partners at age 11!

Ohyesiam · 15/05/2021 16:53

It might well be a fad, but you don’t need to say it, she might end up feeling trivialised or misunderstood

Babymamamama · 15/05/2021 16:54

It’s a stage. I went to an all girls school many years ago and for the majority this stuff petered out generally by the time we were in upper fifth form (aka year 11).

maxineputyourredshoeson · 15/05/2021 16:54

It may be a fad, it may be who she is. My DD who is 11 has recently told us she is gay. We literally gave her a hug and said we love her for being her end of. Later I did sit and have a long chat with her, I told her I was proud of her and reiterated that we love her because of who she is and nothing will ever change that. We haven’t discussed it since.

DH and I have said to each other we will be will be and just take it as it comes. And TBH I think that’s all you can do.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/05/2021 16:54

What is the correct thing to say?

The same as if she was dating boys but without the how not to get pregnant bit.

Silvergreen · 15/05/2021 16:56

It probably is a bit of a fad and I say that as a lesbian 😂

Adventureswith · 15/05/2021 16:57

It’s not a ‘fad’ so don’t say it is. Tell her you’re fine if she’s gay or bi or straight and let her crack on with it.

dayswithaY · 15/05/2021 16:58

Don't worry about it, she's just working out who she is.

ghostyslovesheets · 15/05/2021 16:58

Just say 'why would I mind' and move on - she may be Bi or Lesbian she may not be - but either way it's hardly a big deal

Adventureswith · 15/05/2021 16:59

TBH I’m a bit jealous. I’m gay and went to a girls school and no girl would have admitted to be into girls. Being a lesbian was for losers and weirdos.
I love that kids can just have the chance to be who they are for the most part.

OwlBeThere · 15/05/2021 17:02

Why is it only when a child likes/fancies a person of the same sex that people talk about fads and being too young to know?
Your internalised homophobia is showing and you might want to reflect on why that is.
I knew I liked boys way before I was 11. My daughter knew she liked girls by age 7. She’s 18 now and still likes girls.

The only reply to that question is ‘of course I don’t mind’.

OrangeSharked · 15/05/2021 17:05

It might be a fad but does it matter? Is it going to affect her in anyway if she dated a girl at 11 but turns out to be straight?

You tell her of course you wouldn't mind. You love her no matter what and her sexuality is irrelevent

onthinice · 15/05/2021 17:06

I've had this from my DD when she was in yr7. The majority of her group of friends has said they are lesbians. I said I love her whatever and had a chat about "feelings" ie there's attraction and then there's really liking someone in a friendly way. I told her until she has that kind of attraction to someone there's no need to label herself as one thing or the other.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/05/2021 17:08

It's obviously a stage/fad

But you don't say it

You just say crack on darling, whatever you want sweet cheeks/we love you whatevs

90% will unfortunately be straight by 15 HmmGrin

OwlBeThere · 15/05/2021 17:10

@LaurieFairyCake why is it ‘obviously’ a fad?
Maybe she’s just gay.

Original poster
DoingItForTheKid · 15/05/2021 17:10

@OwlBeThere noted.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread