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AIBU?

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Original poster

Girls' school girls dating other girls

166 replies

DoingItForTheKid · 15/05/2021 16:45

My Y7 DD at a girls' school has at least 4 year group mates who are dating another girl.

My DD has asked if I would mind if she was bisexual. Of course I don't mind but I can't help think that this is just a fad to fit in.

What is the correct thing to say?

OP posts:
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/05/2021 23:36

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

My DD’s are both like this and they’re only 8 and 9 so personally think it’s far too young to even contemplate a relationship or a crush. Maybe I’m old fashioned, I don’t know but it just seems too young. They both seem to think it’s cool to like girls, I do think it’s a ‘fad’ as you say rather than an actual preference. Just say ‘that’s nice dear’ and let her find her own way as she grows up.
Bloody hell. I have an almost 5 year old and am worried about what the future holds now. I was playing with dolls until age 10 and only became a bit interested in boys at 13. How things have changed......
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/05/2021 23:39

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

My DD’s are both like this and they’re only 8 and 9 so personally think it’s far too young to even contemplate a relationship or a crush. Maybe I’m old fashioned, I don’t know but it just seems too young. They both seem to think it’s cool to like girls, I do think it’s a ‘fad’ as you say rather than an actual preference. Just say ‘that’s nice dear’ and let her find her own way as she grows up.
And yes, I absolutely wouldn't indulge this at such an age, some may disagree but I would consider an in depth conversation about this with an 8 year old to be utterly ridiculous. I would just smile, nod and not make it a topic of conversation, but maybe I am old fashioned too.
selfieelf · 15/05/2021 23:43

What's the worst that can happen? If it's not a fad then she'll continue dating girls forever. If it is a fad then at some stage she'll start dating boys instead.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/05/2021 23:45

Tbh at 11 I would not let my child "date" anyone, male or female. It's too young for non platonic relationships imho.

OwlBeThere · 15/05/2021 23:48

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland at that age the dating just means hanging out together. Maybe holding hands/a kiss.
Not sure how you would stop it tbh. They could be ‘dating’ and you’d never know. That’s how I did it when I wasn’t allowed a Boyfriend. I just didn’t tell them. Better to know what’s going on with your kid, it means they can come to you without fear.

OwlBeThere · 15/05/2021 23:51

@Talkwhilstyouwalk I’m 40 and my friends and I had ‘boyfriends’ and ‘dated’ etc at 11. Its not like it’s a new thing, it’s just some kids are interested younger than others. My son is 16 and not remotely into girls. My oldest had a girlfriend in y7 through to y10. Everyone is individual.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/05/2021 23:53

Come to think of it, if I only became interested in boys at 13 which I would say is fairly standard. Therefore I was asexual until then.....do young teenagers these days know so much that they might consider themselves as asexual before there hormones have properly kicked in.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/05/2021 23:53

I would probably have a chat to them about what dating actually means and that they arent old enough for it.

But then I'm pretty old fashioned. I don't think you always have to indulge children who think they are older than they are.

Of course you cant stop them holding hands etc but I would call that friendship, and would encourage them not to focus on non platonic relationships at such a young age.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/05/2021 23:56

And honestly? At my very ordinary state school only a handful of girls & boys professed an interest in this stuff before about age 14, and they were the kids who were described as "tarty".

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/05/2021 23:58

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I would probably have a chat to them about what dating actually means and that they arent old enough for it.

But then I'm pretty old fashioned. I don't think you always have to indulge children who think they are older than they are.

Of course you cant stop them holding hands etc but I would call that friendship, and would encourage them not to focus on non platonic relationships at such a young age.

Absolutely agree with you! Wouldn't indulge it at this age....
EmergencyHydrangea · 15/05/2021 23:58

Who cares if its a 'fad'? That doesn't mean it's not real or that it doesn't matter. I don't understand peoples attitude towards this.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 16/05/2021 00:00

@EmergencyHydrangea

Who cares if its a 'fad'? That doesn't mean it's not real or that it doesn't matter. I don't understand peoples attitude towards this.
Well, it's an opportunity to discuss sexuality but at 10-11 I'd be keeping it VERY simple. It does matter but no great emphasis needs to be placed on it at this age....
tonimitchell · 16/05/2021 00:01

@LaurieFairyCake

It's obviously a stage/fad

But you don't say it

You just say crack on darling, whatever you want sweet cheeks/we love you whatevs

90% will unfortunately be straight by 15 HmmGrin

I actually agree with this.

Despite having a same sex marriage in my family and having a mother who had an affair with a women. Plus lesbian friend friends.

It’s very trendy at the moment .

Smile and nod. It’s actually none of your business what sexuality your kid is - just keep smiling and nodding.

LoveFromDeauville · 16/05/2021 00:42

Seriously, why the need to sexualise children? Heterosexuality is the norm for the vast majority of people.

PinkArt · 16/05/2021 01:37

But labelling kids heterosexual isn't sexualising them then @LoveFromDeauville?! Just if they label themselves as bi/gay/lesbian etc?
At that age it isn't a sexual thing for any of them, hopefully, but it can be a basic level romantic desire or a crush. At 8 I knew I wanted to marry Jason Donovan when I grew up. It wasn't remotely sexual I just thought he was very dreamy. Same as a crush I had on a boy at school. I don't remember anyone suggesting I was too young to know my sexuality or to fancy someone or I was going through a phase. Isn't it a great thing if society has moved on, to a point where the same would be the case if it was the equivalent of Kylie Minogue that 8 year old me might want to marry now.

subbysammiexoxo · 16/05/2021 01:46

As a pansexual 22 year old , yes you are right it could be a fad , physical and emotional feelings mixed with there only being 'female attention available' means she might just be going for the best of a bad bunch. Let her ride out whatever she's feeling currently and she will find her identity soon enough.

OwlBeThere · 16/05/2021 01:48

@LoveFromDeauville

Seriously, why the need to sexualise children? Heterosexuality is the norm for the vast majority of people.
No one is sexualising children. It’s perfectly normal for a child of 11 to experience feelings of attraction to another person. Also to claim Hetero is the norm and isn’t sexualising is absolute nonsense.
flashylamp · 16/05/2021 06:43

@LoveFromDeauville

Seriously, why the need to sexualise children? Heterosexuality is the norm for the vast majority of people.

Nobody is doing this.

diddlediddle · 16/05/2021 07:02

Bottom line is you need to say something that makes her feel that she can always come to you with something important in the future. Your response isn't about this issue in a way. If she feel safe and understood she will come to you. If she feels belittled, or dismissed then she won't.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/05/2021 09:19

They are learning a lot about the new age and all the labels it must be confusing trying to fit in especially for non NT DC my DD is on the spectrum she is a bit of a misfit searching for her place.
She has placard cards like below on her bedroom wall.

LGBTQQIP2SAA stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, pansexual, two-spirit (2S), androgynous and asexual.

tonimitchell · 16/05/2021 09:20

Two spirit ?? Ffs!

😂😂

JackANackAnoreeee · 16/05/2021 09:31

@Talkwhilstyouwalk I don't think that's typical. I have a 9 and 7 year old. The kids know about heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, transgender people etc. They just treat it as a fact of life and carry on with their games about unicorns and monster trucks.

JackANackAnoreeee · 16/05/2021 09:35

@LoveFromDeauville

Seriously, why the need to sexualise children? Heterosexuality is the norm for the vast majority of people.

What a stupid comment. 11 year olds already experience attraction to one gender or another. Do you think we should hide heterosexuality from kids too or is it just homosexuality that you have a problem with? The majority of children don't have dyselxia/ASD/allergies etc should we not bother with any of those issues either?

MsAwesomeDragon · 16/05/2021 09:36

In year 7 dating is pretty much hanging out together, holding hands and possibly the odd very sweet kiss (at least, that's what it is with kids at my school, I imagine it's the same everywhere). So if the person she's doing that with is nice and kind, then it doesn't matter what sex they are, does it?

Branleuse · 16/05/2021 09:50

noones sexualising children or encouraging children to be in sexual relationships.
Parenting children who go to school and want to start having mini relationships with each other isnt the same as encouraging it or sexualising it. This stuff is bombarded at everyone from the media, so children become interested in it. Some younger than others. It doesnt mean theyre actually having sex, and theres no point pretending that children havent always wanted to play at being more grown up than they actually are since forever.