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AIBU?

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Original poster

Girls' school girls dating other girls

166 replies

DoingItForTheKid · 15/05/2021 16:45

My Y7 DD at a girls' school has at least 4 year group mates who are dating another girl.

My DD has asked if I would mind if she was bisexual. Of course I don't mind but I can't help think that this is just a fad to fit in.

What is the correct thing to say?

OP posts:
EllaPaella · 15/05/2021 18:52

*male or female

blueangel19 · 15/05/2021 19:03

Lesbian or straight quite young to date.

JellyNo15 · 15/05/2021 19:08

At that she I wouldn't want my child dating, regardless of sexual orientation.

katy1213 · 15/05/2021 19:19

I know I'm old-fashioned but I'd just say you don't have to join in every fad that comes along. Anyway, dating at that age is ridiculous - with anyone.

luxxlisbon · 15/05/2021 19:24

No one says that dating the opposite sex is just a “fad” or to fit in.

itsgettingwierd · 15/05/2021 19:24

Agree - just who love her for who she is.

I remember when we had lots of girls dating girls in our year and other girls started announcing they were bi.

They bi announcement was so they fit in with the dating girls bit but so no one batted an eyelid when they started acting bits because actually - they were straight!

Only 1 of the girls ended up remaining in homosexual relationships.

So yeah it may be a fad or whatever but you don't mention that or make a deal out of it.

RhubarbCustardy · 15/05/2021 19:25

Maybe its just like a girl crush? Either way, be glad she feels able to talk to you about these things. She just needs to know that you're accepting of her whatever she chooses. Can't see it being a full on relationship at that age. I'd be more concerned if it was a boy.

CatsArePeople · 15/05/2021 19:29

why is there such a push to sexualize children's friendships?

violetmonster · 15/05/2021 19:36

When I came out to my mother (as an adult) she suggested that my bisexuality was a "fad". We're very close but I'll never fully forgive her for that among others stereotypes she threw at me. Regardless of your daughters eventually sexually she will remember how you react to this now

violetmonster · 15/05/2021 19:37

And as a reminder to other posters: bisexual women ending up in marriages or long term relationships with men does not mean they are no longer bisexual

slashlover · 15/05/2021 19:48

I knew I was ase in primary 7, people were dating even back then (30 years ago).

m0therofdragons · 15/05/2021 19:53

Dh and I were discussing this the other day in the sense that all but one friend from school who were gay in their teens are now married to the opposite sex.

Dd1 and dd3 have both said they don’t like boys and think they’re gay. I’ve said I wish them a life with a loving partner who’s always in their corner and makes them happy. I’ve also said that teen years is when you find out who you are and there’s no rush, just be you. Until you have sexual feelings you can’t know whether you’re a lesbian, bisexual or straight.

AFS1 · 15/05/2021 19:54

My daughter is Yr 7 in a mixed school. She says most of her friends identify as bi. At least 3 of her friendship group now identify as boys. She calls them whatever names and pronouns they ask to be identified by (although occasionally accidentally refers to the wrong gender having known a couple of them for 6 years as girls). She’s generally pretty bemused by the whole thing. She’s entirely disinterested in “dating” anyone. I don’t know if it’s all genuine or a fad that they’ll grow out of. As long as she’s happy with who she is and who she likes, I don’t really care. I just don’t want her pressured into identifying in any way she doesn’t want to.

NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC · 15/05/2021 20:05

My daughter had this. I'm bisexual myself but I did have a feeling it was a phase.

She came out as bi, then a lesbian, now she's boy mad. Like someone said upthread, statistically it will be a phase to most of them but I'm sure you remember being a teenager? Best not to say that!!

Itgetsthehoseagain · 15/05/2021 20:06

"You can be whoever you are - it doesn't matter to me one little bit. Shall we have pizza tonight?"

Terrazzo · 15/05/2021 20:09

I would just do a ‘no I don’t mind what your sexuality is, but you can’t choose your sexuality’ but I don’t have kids that age so maybe that’s not appropriate 😄

Helenluvsrob · 15/05/2021 20:12

That’s nice dear.

Seriously it hardly registers on my radar these days so I’m not sure that my reaction wouldn’t be just underwhelming for my kids 😂

TeenTitan007 · 15/05/2021 20:12

@DoingItForTheKid - mine asked a similar question in year8. I did think it was a 'trend' rather than actual feelings. I had a frank chat with her and told her I'd be happy with whatever choices she makes - but year8 is too soon to be getting fixated on any idea when they are still clueless about so many things. She's listened..

thecatsthecats · 15/05/2021 20:12

Thing is... What difference does it make if it IS a fad?

Lots of 11/12yos had tweeny faux romances that consist of little more than texting and having an awkward dance or two at the disco,plus occasional hand holding.

If your daughter has a girlfriend, then later decides she's bi/gay/straight... What difference does it make that she once thought differently? There isn't and shouldn't be a consequence, fad or not.

teenagetantrums · 15/05/2021 20:14

My daughter is now in her twenties. She dated a few girls in her early teens. All her friends were doing it. I just said that's nice and let her carry on. But with no sleepovers.
They majority of her friends seem to be hetrosexual now as is she as far as l know
It's a passing phase in most of them. There was a lot of talk of pansexual as l remember. Now it all seems to be transexual. I expect in 10 years it will be something else.

backtonormalonedaysoon · 15/05/2021 20:17

I don't know why the rush to dismiss this as a fad/phase though. Nobody says to a young teen who is interested in the opposite gender "that's nice it's probably just a phase though" do they?
I wish I had felt free to identify as bi at school

Monicuddle · 15/05/2021 20:19

If my 10 year old said they wanted to date a boy or a girl I’d tell them to go and do their bloody homework and come back when they’re 16.

HintofVintagePink · 15/05/2021 20:24

@Monicuddle

If my 10 year old said they wanted to date a boy or a girl I’d tell them to go and do their bloody homework and come back when they’re 16.
Star
Merchymor · 15/05/2021 20:29

I've always told my child I don't care who they get involved with when they are ready for all that, as long as there is mutual respect.

Echobelly · 15/05/2021 20:41

DD in Y8 has a girlfriend who is in Y7 (at another school) - DD is very proud to be gay and of course we're just supporting that whether or not she is actually gay at the end of the day (genuinely don't care either way). It is definitely an 'in' thing and I think some kids are 'into gay things' rather than actually gay, but it really doesn't matter and if it leads to a more supportive workd for LGBTQ+ people I'm all for it.

They formed their relationship during lockdown, so obviously not been any physical interaction yet but DD says they really want to kiss and hug, which is fine but now touching is going to be allowed I will also have a word with DD about boundaries. GF is younger (and has V over-protective parents!) and while I don't actually imagine DD wants to do more than kissing and cuddling ATM I want to have a word with her about going beyond that being a big emotional deal and she has a responsibility towards GF, and that they are probably best sticking to kisses and cuddles until they're a bit older.