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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
altiara · 15/05/2021 23:07

OP wasn’t having a mooch around town, she was at the supermarket! Needing a pair of pyjamas for a baby does not mean buy pyjamas for everyone or you don’t love them.

lydia2021 · 15/05/2021 23:17

In my experience at a sale, there is rarely all sizes. So how could you magic up pjs in their size if there was none there. This is more about, YOU do the legwork, hunt pjs down in all sales. While I sit on my backside, and you come home with said pjs. So I can surprise them with look what daddy managed to get you today. He doesnt fool me

LeftyLou · 15/05/2021 23:35

@TedRed

See I have done that before though with the toys.

I bought DC some baby books and bath toys the other day on Amazon which happened to get delivered when DSC were here. I didn't think anything of it, it's not like it's anything they'd be interested in anyway.

If they were closer in age I could understand.

Think you are being 100% reasonable to do that. I think at 8 and 9 you can understand that others get gifts and not yourself.
Ohpulltheotherone · 15/05/2021 23:49

@RachelRaven

Ffs why are there 8 pages on this!

No op was not wrong.

If her dh knew his children needed pyjamas he should have fuckin well bought some.

This ^

The husband is a prize prick. How much would you bet that he doesn’t pick up the baby a new toy or clothes or snack or cake or 6 chicken McNuggets every time he treats the older one.

THEY ARE NOT HER KIDS. And has zero responsibility for their pajama based needs.

JustJoinedRightNow · 16/05/2021 00:06

@HollowTalk has it right up above. The DH in this scenario is happy to tell his new wife off for not being a mind reader. But is getting off scot free and not having to buy pjs.
I feel for you OP. YANBU

Dogoodfeelgood · 16/05/2021 00:40

@Lndnmummy

I suspect this is part of a wider issue, does your dh perhaps think that you need to make more effort to be inclusive of his children? Perhaps he thinks that with a new baby he’d like you both to make an extra effort with the step dc to make sure they don’t feel left out. I wouldn’t argue over the ins and outs of the pyjamas but i would get to the bottom of what made your dh react in this way and I’d be supportive about it and hear him out. I wouldn’t be petty and do the pointscouring. You are a blendid family you’ll have situations like this so I’d take the high road and hear him out.
Yes and I think it’s also nice to see that a dad seems to be sensitive to the feelings of his children in what could be a stressful time for them (new baby etc). It might just be time to have a wider conversation about how you’ll move forward as a blended family.
HalcyonSea · 16/05/2021 01:30

I'm very critical in general of the whole step-parent dynamic being forced on children, but this is the most bonkers thing I've read on here for a long time. 😂 YANBU for buying your baby clothes. 🤨🙄

If his kids need PJs then he should order some himself, or if he wants you to do so then he needs to ask you to not expect you to read his mind. It all sounds very petty and absurd (on his part) and not something that would remotely bother any of the children.

Also if his kids' PJs are "thread bare" why has he done nothing about it for months? That doesn't happen overnight.

timeisnotaline · 16/05/2021 01:37

So you are pretty much replacing your babies entire wardrobe every few months because that’s how fast they grow at that age and your dh thinks you should also be keeping on top of the sdcs clothing? Until he knows what your baby needs and when knowing what your sdc need and when is absolutely nothing to do with you. He’s being ridiculous, extremely selfish and petty.

Teenagehorrorbag · 16/05/2021 02:00

Pre-teens don't care about clothes - they are necessities not presents. I'm sure your SDCs didn't bat an eyelid.

Yes - had you been psychic and known they needed new PJs you might have taken advantage of the sale (if it was for older kids too) but I'm sure they won't be upset. Now if you'd brought home an ice-cream or chocolate for your DC then maybe......Grin

Sleepplease1111 · 16/05/2021 02:16

There’s no way I’d expect my DP to know what my DS needs clothes wise, he’s not his child.

KanaTevoro · 16/05/2021 02:17

Madness.

BusyLizzie61 · 16/05/2021 07:58

[quote Beseigedbykillersquirrels]@BusyLizzie61 - you are so, so unreasonable I feel like you need your own thread.
Why is it OP's responsibility to clothe children who already have a mother and a father?
If she had bought a pack of dummies or bottles for her baby do you believe that she also bought her stepchildren a new beaker or cutlery set? Seriously, you honestly believe that buying stuff is how you show love? I really pity you if you feel that way.
OP was at the supermarket so one assumes she was also buying food for everyone. Maybe she made sure to put a bottle of her step child's favourite squash in the trolley? Or bought the crisps or fruit that the other step child particularly likes? A tub of their favourite ice cream to enjoy after their favourite meal? Which she possibly does each and every week. You are making so many ridiculous claims that it's actually becoming embarrassing to read.[/quote]
Not once have I said she would have had to buy.
. I said I cannot believe she didn't look in the older sections for them. She could have called oh or have been reimbursed. But she doesn't even know the sc's needs well enough to know they needed new pyjamas. I knew that my own grandmother needed socks Fgs. So how can she be in a supposed family unit and be so dismissive of their needs? And like I said I bet when/if her child has a stepmother, she'd hope they were more positively involved in their life!

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 08:03

So how can she be in a supposed family unit and be so dismissive of their needs? because there is only so much time in a day and so much headspace you can give things. The stepchildren have 2 parents to keep an eye on their clothing needs they really don't need a 3rd.

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 08:04

And how dare you suggest that because I don't know my grandmother's current sock status I am somehow not family.

BusyLizzie61 · 16/05/2021 08:11

@lydia2021

In my experience at a sale, there is rarely all sizes. So how could you magic up pjs in their size if there was none there. This is more about, YOU do the legwork, hunt pjs down in all sales. While I sit on my backside, and you come home with said pjs. So I can surprise them with look what daddy managed to get you today. He doesnt fool me
She'll never know of their sizes were there will she given she cba and didn't even consider looking!

Fwiw, I usually buy all underwear and pyjamas on sales so amazingly these sales must have my child's sizes. Or is that because I actually bother to look?

BusyLizzie61 · 16/05/2021 08:13

@ThatIsMyPotato

So how can she be in a supposed family unit and be so dismissive of their needs? because there is only so much time in a day and so much headspace you can give things. The stepchildren have 2 parents to keep an eye on their clothing needs they really don't need a 3rd.
But she is a 3rd. Except she's chosen their father as a partner but opting out of being the SM. The cynic would suggest because she doesn't need to now she's finally got her own biological child!
Nicepillows · 16/05/2021 08:16

@BusyLizzie61 - grandmother’s socks?? what on earth are you going to say next?? You’ve lost the plot. Do you have any time in your life for anything other than detailed itineraries of every family member’s wardrobes??

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/05/2021 08:17

Except she's chosen their father as a partner but opting out of being the SM

Your increasingly bizarre posts on here suggest pretty serious projection of something difficult in your own life which is probably worth investigating for your own good. Whatever’s upset you is nothing to do with OP, her baby or some supermarket pyjamas. Please try and find some perspective.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/05/2021 08:18

@BusyLizzie61 she is NOT a third parent. My DS has a "stepmum" although none of us use that term and in no way shape or form is she a third parent to DS.

ThatIsMyPotato · 16/05/2021 08:30

Even if OP does define herself as a 3rd parent the children only need 2 to worry about their clothes!

saraclara · 16/05/2021 08:41

She's opting out of being a step mum? You obviously know more about the OP than the rest of us @BusyLizzie61. We only know that she bought pyjamas for her fast growing baby and not her SCs.

Is she your neighbour? Or are you the kids' actual mother? How do you know she's opting out?

Inertia · 16/05/2021 08:42

Have the retail overlords banned your husband from all shops and the internet? If he knew his children needed pyjamas, why didn’t he get up off his own arse and organise buying them himself? And then buy some for the baby while he was about it?

I would absolutely message him to check what the DSC need every time you buy anything for anybody.

Shutupyoutart · 16/05/2021 08:59

Op i can see it from both sides as an isolated thing of course yanbu to buy pjs for your baby however I don't think your husband is an arsehole either, perhaps he's more sensitive to his children's feelings since baby arrived, maybe he's worried they will think you don't care about them as much,maybe they have said something to him? It's hard to comment without knowing the family dynamics, are you close with them? I think you need to talk with dh and find out why he reacted this way to you not buying them pjs. Good luck to you I can imagine being a step parent can be difficult I was brought up by my sd and he treated me as his own and the only time I was made to feel different to my siblings (not by him) hurt like hell and has stayed with me and I was 11 then. Not suggesting they are heartbroken over pjs for one min but be careful that it doesn't become a pattern of them feeling forgotten.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 09:07

@AnneLovesGilbert

Except she's chosen their father as a partner but opting out of being the SM

Your increasingly bizarre posts on here suggest pretty serious projection of something difficult in your own life which is probably worth investigating for your own good. Whatever’s upset you is nothing to do with OP, her baby or some supermarket pyjamas. Please try and find some perspective.

Please let this sink in @BusyLizzie61

Your posts are absolutely bizarre, culminating in grandma's socks!

You're saying mean, spiteful things about someone you don't know in order to paint them as a shitty person when there's zero evidence they are. You said they are 'cold' and show no thought, care or love for those children.

What a vitriolic stream of insults you've posted on here. You aren't the loving and thoughtful person you think you are, based on the way you've behaved on this thread.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 09:09

@BusyLizzie61

Her DH 'knew' his own children 'needed' PJs and hadn't bothered to buy any... it's absolutely his responsibility ultimately.

Or have you considered maybe they don't particularly need new ones and DH was wrong to have a go at OP?