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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
Whitchurch · 15/05/2021 18:49

You've done nothing wrong OP - NOTHING. Here's the thing, you're allowed to buy something for one biological child and not the others, so of course you're allowed to buy for a biological child and not step children. As if they even care about not getting a pair of pj's.
However this is Mumsnet where step mothers are all wicked and should be treading on eggshells all their bloody lives.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 18:53

However this is Mumsnet where step mothers are all wicked and should be treading on eggshells all their bloody lives.

Almost everyone (refreshingly) has said in their posts that OP has done nothing wrong and her partner is being a dick.

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 19:00

@rainyskylight

Tbh OP I think he probably felt like you’d shown him up in front of his DC. So he’s blaming you for not reading his mind or reminding him about it. He’s conflating baby pyjamas with 8 & 10 yr old presents because of his own uncomfortable feelings.
I think you might have hit the nail on the head.
katy1213 · 15/05/2021 19:04

He knows where the shop is.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 15/05/2021 19:11

Fuck that. He can get them himself.

KFleming · 15/05/2021 19:15

He’s being completely ridiculous. If one of his children needs something new does he automatically buy the others the same thing every single time. Regardless of if they need it?
Plus, your 1 year old presumably needs new clothes much more often as they’ll grow out of everything quicker. So it’s ridiculous to keep it all even all the time.

MagicSummer · 15/05/2021 19:17

Do people really ever wear pyjamas?

Peachee · 15/05/2021 19:23

If he thinks they need pjs that’s for him to organise.. if he wanted you to get them for his children.. he could have given you the money and you could have picked them some up. I don’t get what he’s on about at all .. finding something in the sale or something you thought would have suited your own child is a completely different matter..

aSofaNearYou · 15/05/2021 19:28

@MagicSummer

Do people really ever wear pyjamas?
Huh?
Lulu1919 · 15/05/2021 19:35

Omg it's a pair of pjs
It's not like she bought her child a bag full of new toys etc
I have two children ...if one needed a new pair of shoes for example the other didn't get some unless needed !!!!
You've done nothing wrong

BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 19:44

@TedRed

And yes, I did think of my DC and not DSC in that particular scenario, as my child's parent responsible for buying them pyjamas and other necessities when they need new ones. As PPs said, if DH thought DSC were so desperately in need of new PJs (they really aren't walking around in hole ridden, two sizes too small pyjamas) then why hasn't he got them already?
I get that you expect their oh to buy for them, but I do find it odd tbh. You're a step parent and didn't think, ooh I'll just have look in the older children section as well. I only have one child, but will often have a quick peek in the other sections, especially if a sale is on, for my nieces and nephews. Yes he's unreasonable. But I think that your whole setup is what's really unreasonable. They're really only an extension of your oh, something to be tolerated as a consequence of dating him... Not a part of the family in the sense that you actually have any thoughts about them beyond absolute necessary... That's quite cold imo.
Bahhhhhumbug · 15/05/2021 19:45

Oh god how l hate all this steptwattery. Yanbu, your DH is being ridiculous if he thinks you can't ever buy your own child something spontaneously without buying his kids same.

BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 19:45

Their father not their oh to get them!

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 19:48

@BusyLizzie61 so as other PPs have said, any time I need to get something for my baby I need to go and look for something for DSC too otherwise I obviously only tolerate them because I want to date my husband?

I'd be buying things all the time with how quick DC grows.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 19:49

@BusyLizzie61

But I think that your whole setup is what's really unreasonable. They're really only an extension of your oh, something to be tolerated as a consequence of dating him... Not a part of the family in the sense that you actually have any thoughts about them beyond absolute necessary... That's quite cold imo.

It is absolutely insane that you've extrapolated that from OP's posts?! It doesn't sound that way at all. At all.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 19:49

Thanks for all the replies. Feel a lot less 'selfish' Grin

OP posts:
ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 19:50

You're a step parent and didn't think, ooh I'll just have look in the older children section as well

No because she was getting her child some PJs. I wouldn't waste time looking in the older children's bit if I didn't know they needed anything. We don't have money to burn buying things that aren't needed.

BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 19:52

[quote TedRed]@BusyLizzie61 so as other PPs have said, any time I need to get something for my baby I need to go and look for something for DSC too otherwise I obviously only tolerate them because I want to date my husband?

I'd be buying things all the time with how quick DC grows.[/quote]
Didn't say buy each time. I said have looked. And then if something was appropriate buy or call oh. The same way you would if you had 2 biological children!

GCAcademic · 15/05/2021 19:52

@MagicSummer

Do people really ever wear pyjamas?
No, of course not. The shops sell them knowing that no one ever wears them. They've been burning unpurchased pyjamas by the skip load for decades now.
Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 19:53

The same way you would if you had 2 biological children!

Well clearly a lot of people don't do this for their biological children either as the replies show.

OP posts:
BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 19:54

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@BusyLizzie61

But I think that your whole setup is what's really unreasonable. They're really only an extension of your oh, something to be tolerated as a consequence of dating him... Not a part of the family in the sense that you actually have any thoughts about them beyond absolute necessary... That's quite cold imo.

It is absolutely insane that you've extrapolated that from OP's posts?! It doesn't sound that way at all. At all. [/quote]
Yes. It most certainly doesn't sound anywhere close to being a blended family does it!

It doesn't cost anything to think of them...

randomsabreuse · 15/05/2021 19:55

The most expensive stuff my DC have is shoes... I obviously only replace them when necessary which might be simultaneously (both DC need "indoor" trainers for a new class) or when they are outgrown or worn out.

I'm also not intending to get the younger child (boy) a "party" outfit at Christmas but DC1 (girl) will get a pretty dress...

aSofaNearYou · 15/05/2021 19:57

BusyLizzie on top form again 🏅

Gilly12345 · 15/05/2021 19:58

He is a dick, yes you have step children and you see them but clothing them is not your responsibility, it is his and his ex’s responsibility.

Life is going to be very expensive for you if you have to buy for them whenever you buy for your own, does he pay regular maintenance and if so isn’t clothing included?

rainyskylight · 15/05/2021 20:00

@aSofaNearYou oh is @BusyLizzie61 a wind up???