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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 15/05/2021 20:00

I guess if your DH had popped to the shops and come home with pjs for your Sc, and not for your dc, that you would have been reading him the riot act?

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 20:00

It doesn't cost anything to think of them... it would. It would cost the price of more pajamas they might not even like and also the time. Plus, she didn't even know they needed PJS!

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 20:00

They are here 50:50 so no maintenance but both parents just tend to buy clothes as and when and split any other costs when needed.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 15/05/2021 20:01

[quote rainyskylight]**@aSofaNearYou* oh is @BusyLizzie61* a wind up???[/quote]
Well I can't say they aren't genuine but they leave comments like this on every thread they're on, always the same.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 20:02

@Livelovebehappy

I guess if your DH had popped to the shops and come home with pjs for your Sc, and not for your dc, that you would have been reading him the riot act?
Where have you got that assumption from?

If he knew that our DC (his child too) needed new pyjamas and came home with pyjamas just for SC then yes I'd think that was a bit shit.

That's not what happened though and the two situations are different. I didn't know they needed pyjamas and baby DC is also his child.

OP posts:
ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 20:02

@Livelovebehappy

I guess if your DH had popped to the shops and come home with pjs for your Sc, and not for your dc, that you would have been reading him the riot act?
If OP did get annoyed at this then that would be fair enough as he is the father of all the kids and should be fully abreast of the PJ situation for all of them.

Personally I wouldn't be annoyed as long as everyone got the required PJs in the end.

Hortuslover · 15/05/2021 20:04

I have 4 children..if one needs something then one gets it. If I decide to get a character t shirt etc just for the sake of it then I get them all one. Pjs are a necessity, therefore if one needs a set then only 1 gets something.

I used to feel obliged to get them all something when one needed it but I’ve since explained that they’ll get their turn when it’s needed and they deal with it just fine, and they are smaller age gaps between yours and your dsc.
YANBU.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 20:04

It wouldn't be the riot act though... I'd just say 'you could have picked some up for X (who is also your child), you know they needed pyjamas' and then sorted it myself or asked him to order some.

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 20:07

"MagicSummer

  <strong>Do people really ever wear pyjamas?"</strong>

No, of course not. The shops sell them knowing that no one ever wears them. They've been burning unpurchased pyjamas by the skip load for decades now.

🤣🤣🤣

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 20:08

@BusyLizzie61

You're not coming across well at all, I'm not sure you realise how sanctimonious you sound. OP has done nothing to warrant you saying she is 'cold' and doesn't have a blended family... your take on this is bizarre.

BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 20:08

@Gilly12345

He is a dick, yes you have step children and you see them but clothing them is not your responsibility, it is his and his ex’s responsibility.

Life is going to be very expensive for you if you have to buy for them whenever you buy for your own, does he pay regular maintenance and if so isn’t clothing included?

Maintenance is for what the children need with their mother. What the children need with their father and should be op, is to be provided by the father and the op. Though I obviously get that this level of thought, care and demonstration of love isn't happening and obviously not what she intends to be the situation for the sc. . What's sad, is that I bet that if her child becomes the product of a failed relationship that she'd like to think that the child is actually integrated into the blended family and thought of. Not simply because they're actually visiting. In the same way many of us think of loved ones and buy things spontaneously because they may enjoy or like it. Bit I suppose the key word there is love....
InFiveMins · 15/05/2021 20:12

YABU. Imagine being one of those stepchildren seeing you come home with things for the baby and not them. They likely feel pushed out as it is. It's not that hard to remember them when you're doing your shopping, is it?

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 20:14

So someone not buying pjs for someone they don't know needs pjs means then don't love that person.

Okey dokey....

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 20:18

@InFiveMins

YABU. Imagine being one of those stepchildren seeing you come home with things for the baby and not them. They likely feel pushed out as it is. It's not that hard to remember them when you're doing your shopping, is it?
🤣

Imagine an 8 and 10 year old actually feeling pushed out because a baby needed pjs 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I was joking earlier about your vilanous display of the pjs and taunting of the step kids OP but I think some people are actually imagining that's what you did!

aSofaNearYou · 15/05/2021 20:22

@InFiveMins

YABU. Imagine being one of those stepchildren seeing you come home with things for the baby and not them. They likely feel pushed out as it is. It's not that hard to remember them when you're doing your shopping, is it?
Honestly, what are you smoking? Pyjamas for a baby are not gifts, it's just a practical thing you buy them when needed. Would the step children also be heartbroken if she came home with a new pack of nappies for the baby?
Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 20:25

Pushed out because a 1 year old got some new pyjamas really? Crikey what a minefield if that's all it takes!

OP posts:
ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 20:25

My OH bought my SC some leggings this weekend. Should I insist he buys our child leggings and waste our money on stuff people don't need?

BlueVelvetStars · 15/05/2021 20:26

Does the Step Kids Mum buy your Child pyjamas when she buys them new ones?

tiredanddangerous · 15/05/2021 20:27

I don't think you did anything wrong at all op. I frequently don't even buy stuff for both my own dc at the same time (especially now one of them has pretty much stopped growing and the other is shooting up like a weed.) Babies need new stuff every few months...if you bought stuff for his dc at the same rate they'd have a stupid amount of clothes.

iolaus · 15/05/2021 20:27

I brought my 10 year old new pyjamas today - I didn't buy them for his older siblings - the only time they all get new pyjamas on the same day intentionally is christmas eve

GabsAlot · 15/05/2021 20:30

why has he not got any yet then if they do despratly need new pjs

supersonicginandtonic · 15/05/2021 20:32

I actually think you are slightly in the wrong. But then again I think of everybody in our house. If I'm in town I might as well get them all as it saves DP a trip into town too. I have step dd, children of my own, children together and my nephew. Then again DP would pick up stuff for my kids if they needed it too.
I also text my ex partner and say "I'm in town do you need anything for the kids at your house?", he sends me a list and then transfers me the money.
Don't see the issue really.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 20:35

@BusyLizzie61

Though I obviously get that this level of thought, care and demonstration of love isn't happening and obviously not what she intends to be the situation for the sc.

Ffs. For someone pontificating about love and thoughtfulness you sure do enjoy saying nasty (and unfounded) stuff to strangers. What a horrible way to be, I'm sorry that you try to feel better about yourself by accusing other mums of not providing thoughtfulness, care or love.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/05/2021 20:42

But they did need new pjs so it seems wrong to only buy your child some.

If they were paid by you alone from your salary, he can’t really say anything. If from his or joint he is right in pointing out all his children deserved to be treated the same.

NamechangeApril21 · 15/05/2021 20:48

@TheLastLotus

You’re 100% not in the wrong. YANBU. Also if I had a younger child and bought pyjamas for them I wouldn’t need to buy my older child stuff as well. Them being stepchildren is a red herring ...
This.

I've 3 kids and often buy them things individually at different times. My 6 month old currently gets bought clothes more often than their older siblings because he outgrown them faster. My eldest started hockey so got a hockey stick and the other 2 got nothing. My middle has just had a growth spurt in their feet (again ffs) so got new trainers without the others. You don't have to buy all of your kids all of the time, and it's good for them to learn that too.

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