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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:06

Apparently I could have sent a message to say I'm in X store, do X and Y need anything.

OP posts:
GroovyClementine · 15/05/2021 16:09

He is being bloody ridiculous.

Tell him to go out and buy his kids cloths if they need them.

Why have neither he nor his ex brought them PJ's already if they are so thread bare. Why would that be your job. They have two parents already.

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 16:10

Your DH is being very weird.

Babies need new things all the time because they grow so quickly. Will you have to get them t-shirts everytime you buy a new baby grow?!

I'm assuming you didn't make a big villainous show about giving the baby new pyjamas while laughing at the step kids holey PJ's.

takingmytimeonmyride · 15/05/2021 16:11

He's being ridiculous. I have 5 kids. Sometimes one of them needs clothes and the others don't. Sometimes I see something I know one of them would like so I buy it, but don't then buy all of them something. (I'm not talking expensive stuff here, just a t-shirt or book)

I've also got step kids, they are adults now. But I would have done the same with them when they were little.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:11

He was saying he will buy them himself but if I was in the shop I could have at least asked because I knew they needed some (it's obvious apparently).

OP posts:
Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:12

I'm assuming you didn't make a big villainous show about giving the baby new pyjamas while laughing at the step kids holey PJ's

😂😂😂 Oh yes of course.

According to him it's not that I need to get things every time I get things for the baby but I knew they needed new pjs. He keeps insisting I knew.

OP posts:
Mydarlingmyhamburger · 15/05/2021 16:13

@Orangebug

YANBU. I have three DC and sometimes I'll pick up an item of clothing for one of them, that doesn't mean I have to buy for all three. Why should step DC be any different?

If you'd bought a treat for DC that would be different, it would be mean not to include them, but for a functional item like pyjamas it's fine.

Same. My dc get things as and when they need them. If I spent money on all of them every time one of them needed something I’d be bankrupt.
rainyskylight · 15/05/2021 16:14

He’s being absurd. Makes me annoyed just reading this.

Mamette · 15/05/2021 16:14

I think he is being absolutely U.

Babies need more things and more frequent new things because they grow so quickly.

I would be inclined to tell him that if he thinks SC need things that he should let you know ahead of time and provide a list. Otherwise you will have this hanging over you every time you need to buy something for your baby.

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 16:16

@TedRed

I'm assuming you didn't make a big villainous show about giving the baby new pyjamas while laughing at the step kids holey PJ's

😂😂😂 Oh yes of course.

According to him it's not that I need to get things every time I get things for the baby but I knew they needed new pjs. He keeps insisting I knew.

🤣🤣 he'd better watch our for your poison apples next!
Notaroadrunner · 15/05/2021 16:16

Oh tell him to piss right off. I regularly buy stuff for my kids separately, as they grow out of stuff and need things. I don't stand in a shop wondering if the eldest should also get a new tshirt simply because I'm buying one for the youngest. It's not about leaving the step kids out. Its about what you knew was needed for the baby. Would he have had a whinge if you arrived back with baby vests? Would he have expected that you buy vests for the others kids too?

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:17

How would you know? Even if he made a comment months ago why would you remember and not assume he was on the case?

rainyskylight · 15/05/2021 16:19

You could take him at his word OP to make your point here. Every time you have to buy something for the baby send a message to your OH to ask if the step children need anything.
“Just picking up some more nappies from the supermarket. Do DSC need any new pants?” Etc etc

FrankieDettol · 15/05/2021 16:20

YANBU but as a PP has said, don't out yourself as a stepmum on here, the floodgates of bile will open up..

SarahBellam · 15/05/2021 16:20

They have a mother and father to buy them pyjamas. Why on earth should it be your job?

UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 16:20

If he knew they needed pyjamas, and it was so obvious they needed pyjamas that he assumed you had noticed without him saying anything then why the hell hadn’t he bought them the desperately needed pyjamas?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 15/05/2021 16:20

I think your only mistake was getting the new clothes out in front of the stepchildren. Could you not have waited for them to go home?

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 16:21

@ThatIsMyPotato

How would you know? Even if he made a comment months ago why would you remember and not assume he was on the case?
This is a very good point.

If my DH said DSD needed a new coat or whatever I would assume that meant he was going to get her one.

Dobbyisahouseelf · 15/05/2021 16:22

Jesus your DH needs to get a grip. You bought PJ'S hardly a treat. Now if you had bought a toy, book or sweets for your child whilst your step children were at your house and nothing for them then YWBVU.

Honestly I don't know how blended families deal with this perceived fairness on a daily basis. Surely clothes are bought on a need basis for each child.

UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 16:23

but this is MN and on here step mothers are evil spawn

YANBU but as a PP has said, don't out yourself as a stepmum on here, the floodgates of bile will open up

What time does the aforementioned happen?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/05/2021 16:23

He's being ridiculous. Is the usual arrangement that he pays child maintenance to their mother and she buys their clothes, or do they have a discussion between them when some new item of clothing is needed? If it's the former then there's no reason for you to have bought anything for the SC, and if it's the latter and your DH had had a discussion with his ex about them needing new pyjamas then he should have specifically asked you to pick up some up for them, if you didn't mind.

Then again if the SC keep a couple of sets of pyjamas at your house for when they're there then it WAS a bit mean of you not to think of them too, if you'd noticed they needed new ones.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:27

SC have clothes here including pyjamas, if they need new ones here H buys them, if they need new ones at mum's she buys them as far as I know anyway.

I'm still not sure what the big deal is about getting them out in front of them tbh... They are 1 year olds pyjamas 😂 the only reason I actually even got them out whilst they were there was because DC did a huge poo and needed a change of clothes so thought hey I'll put them in those new pjs! I didn't think I would need to keep it a secret.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 15/05/2021 16:29

I don’t think most 8/10 year olds get envious over a set of baby pyjamas. Grin

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:29

@rainyskylight

You could take him at his word OP to make your point here. Every time you have to buy something for the baby send a message to your OH to ask if the step children need anything. “Just picking up some more nappies from the supermarket. Do DSC need any new pants?” Etc etc
Hahaha!
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 15/05/2021 16:30

@Mamette

I think he is being absolutely U.

Babies need more things and more frequent new things because they grow so quickly.

I would be inclined to tell him that if he thinks SC need things that he should let you know ahead of time and provide a list. Otherwise you will have this hanging over you every time you need to buy something for your baby.

WTF? Or, he and the children's mother, the actual parents of the children, could take responsibility for making sure their children are adequately clothed? No way would I be suggesting a list of obligations is given to me.