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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
Janebel · 16/05/2021 16:29

I have 2 children of my own. I might buy one without the other, it depends on their need for what I'm buying. Obviously if in the bigger picture things were not even then yes that could course problem.

Are you sure the pjs are the real problem here?

billy1966 · 16/05/2021 16:34

@GreyPaw

This is the sort of thing DH would do to me and it would drive me mad. I have two DC, he had 4. When it was up to me, they each got what they needed, when they needed it. I instigated identical pocket money for them all, and the same budget for christmas and birthday presents etc. I'd often get things for the Step DCs and nothing for my own depending on need. It seemed ridiculous to do otherwise.

But with DH, it was total one-upmanship. I got my daughter cheap winter shoes for school, his two daughters had to have new, more expensive winter shoes (they stayed with us overnight every three weeks and their shoes were fine). When my dyslexic son was told he should have a computer for homework, I gave him an old laptop of my that was sitting in a drawer; DH got brand new laptops for both his sons. My daughter had rotten windows in her room that DH refused to have replaced unless it meant his son's windows were replaced first, and as we couldn't afford to have two done, neither were fixed. He refused to go on special day-trips or holidays unless his children were going too (again, they were only with us every third weekend) and it often meant us not going anywhere because the logistics and cost of eight people going away somewhere often ruled it out.

On the other hand, when he got a big pay rise at work, he bought each of his children an iPod each but nothing for my two. He'd ignore any attempt at parity when it came to birthdays and christmas, and gave his children WAY over what had been agreed. It all caused so much bad feeling, which was a shame.

How could you have allowed that?

Your poor children.

Second class citizens in their own home.

What an asshole.

How could you allow that?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/05/2021 16:36

@GreyPaw

Blimey, how long did you keep your children in a home with that dynamic?

midnightstar66 · 16/05/2021 19:25

@GreyPaw are you still with this man?

midnightstar66 · 16/05/2021 19:28

I have 2 dc of my own and if I saw something in the sale I'd absolutely buy for just one of them. I don't tend to pick up anything for dd1 now as I can never be sure what she will like. I often come home with things only for dd2 and order for dd1 when she asks

thegreylady · 17/05/2021 22:53

I am a step mum of 3 and a mum of two. I could not have bought for one lot and not the others. Even my mum tried to make them all the same. We blended the families when they were teens though and we all lived together.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2021 02:16

@thegreylady

I am a step mum of 3 and a mum of two. I could not have bought for one lot and not the others. Even my mum tried to make them all the same. We blended the families when they were teens though and we all lived together.
And presumably they were ALL teens, not one a baby and the others considerably older?

It's pretty clear that the OP went shopping, saw a "sale rail" (which I have seen several times in Tesco, for e.g., with a limited range of clothing on it, down in the general store as opposed to in the clothing area) which had a pyjama set appropriate for her baby on it, so she bought it.
She wasn't purposely clothes shopping, she wasn't looking for clothes for all the kids, and she wasn't aware that the older kids needed pyjamas.

thegreylady · 18/05/2021 11:05

In that case ThumbWitchesAbroad I would definitely have just bought for the baby. I got the impression that OP’s step children were around the same age as her biological child.

1sweatybetty · 18/05/2021 12:23

Op says "He's saying I should have messaged him and asked when I saw the sale. I don't even know if there was a sale of older kids stuff, I was in the baby section".

OP, for the next 2 weeks, every time you see a sale on anything be sure to call your partner and ask if his children need new things.

"Darling, there's a sprocket sale. Do X and Y need new sprockets? No? Ok - there also a vacuum sale, do the need new vacuums? What about red fuzzy hats, there are some on offer in Boots, do they need red fuzzy hats?".

He'll work it out eventually Grin

LittleOwl153 · 18/05/2021 14:15

I wonder if the OP's DH is actually a "Disney dad" who sees all purchases as gifts/presents 🎁 something to be excited over, as opposed to the practical mundane clothing items necessary for everyday life. Therefore he sees the baby's PJ'S as a GIFT for that child and the other kids didn't get a gift so missed out.

I say this as my DH often thinks like this. My youngest needed something a but pricey. Not ultra necessary/practical but hobby related never the less. I said to DH well if you know what he needs just get it. He then starts wyning about getting equivalent for the oldest. Something they would have no interest in at all as they don't share the hobby. I then pointed out that eldest had had 2 new items of sports clothing for a sport she does, and 2 books for another hobby in the last month- he somehow seemed surprised...

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/05/2021 14:19

@thegreylady

In that case ThumbWitchesAbroad I would definitely have just bought for the baby. I got the impression that OP’s step children were around the same age as her biological child.
They're 8 and 10 so I can almost guarantee wouldn't have given a shit if the baby got some new pyjamas! Maybe if she'd bought the baby an iPad, but not PJs!
longtompot · 18/05/2021 14:26

@rainyskylight

You could take him at his word OP to make your point here. Every time you have to buy something for the baby send a message to your OH to ask if the step children need anything. “Just picking up some more nappies from the supermarket. Do DSC need any new pants?” Etc etc
This is what sprung into my mind when I read your post.
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