To think I've done nothing wrong here?

[TedRed]

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

I'd never "equalise" supermarket shopping. Supermarket stuff is pretty decent for babies but often gets less generally appealing as you go up the age ranges. Supermarket (and Aldi) stuff is very much "that looks handy".

I generally have a mental list of things to pick up if I see them from the fact I do 90% of the washing, but wouldn't necessarily pick up on pyjamas being needed if they were getting small, only if they were getting worn out.

I went to Decathlon once we were allowed out of counties with a proper planned list of clothes required for all family members, but never plan supermarket add one!

Not your responsibility, they have two parents.

Your husband wants to make it your job.

After all he met up with a single girl very quickly as he needed a skivvy for his children.

He thinks you are stuvk now that you have a child.

He sounds like a bullying waster.

His children, his pj's to buy.

Focus on your child and leave him to parent his children.

They are pyjamas, a utility item.

If Sdc are visiting and you came back with a bag of sweets for your dc only that would have been wrong. But a utility item picked up in a sale, not unreasonable and would have been the case if the dc were all your bio dc.

Not unreasonable as most older children would rather choose their own pyjamas?

Can you smooth it over by ordering some for them (eg Next or a company with quick delivery) and let them choose from the online shop? If they need new pyjamas it would be unreasonable to refuse to buy them, but as you didn’t know and DH and step kids didn’t tell you, why on earth would you have picked up extra when getting some for your DC?

Also do you know what size they need?

I buy pjs for my stepkids when they need them but have to ask them about size and style. Whereas my DC (younger) I know what size and what she’ll wear!

Yesterday 15:49 Soubriquet

Actually I think you’re a little bit in the wrong

If your SC are visiting that day, then it would have been nice to pick up something too for them.“

Really, didn’t always do this with my own children. One girl one boy. If I saw something in a sale for one, never felt the need to look for something else for the other. No-one cared 🤷‍♀️

He's being silly. PJs are a necessity, not a frivolous treat!

I often buy things for only one of my children it depends on sizing, who needs what etc!

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels

WTF?
Or, he and the children's mother, the actual parents of the children, could take responsibility for making sure their children are adequately clothed? No way would I be suggesting a list of obligations is given to me.

😂 I’m assuming you’re not familiar with the concept of calling someone’s bluff

Again with this weird logic, I've recently picked up on this strange attitude on another thread. She didn't "need" to before having her own child either. I'm sure this will make your head absolutely explode Lizzie but SC are not substitutes for children of your own before or after you have them. I didn't fulfill my burning "need" to buy children's pyjamas with my SC before DD was born, and then shift that desire over to my own child 😂

Sorry, that last was in response to this

But she is a 3rd. Except she's chosen their father as a partner but opting out of being the SM. The cynic would suggest because she doesn't need to now she's finally got her own biological child!

Your DH is behaving as if you brought out the PJ's for the baby with a loud 'Ta Da' exhibiting them on a velvet cushion and taking numerous photos for FB, while at the same time pointing and crowing at your DSC and singing 'YES! You have no Pyjamas, you have no pyjamas today'

You DH is nuts.

This is way deeper than pyjamas

"My own child" and "his children".

Sad. Like you said, you didn't even think about them.

And yes, this is one of those threads that would read very differently if the sexes had been reversed.

@ChristmasFluff

This is way deeper than pyjamas

"My own child" and "his children".

Sad. Like you said, you didn't even think about them.

And yes, this is one of those threads that would read very differently if the sexes had been reversed.

What part of my “my child” and “his children” is accurate?

It’s not sad. Don’t be daft.

And as if a man would be criticised for quickly picking up some cheap pjs for his baby and not checking with his wife if his step kids needed some. That’s utter bollocks and you know it.

@ChristmasFluff

This is way deeper than pyjamas

"My own child" and "his children".

Sad. Like you said, you didn't even think about them.

And yes, this is one of those threads that would read very differently if the sexes had been reversed.

She said: I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

If you take issue with that statement and / or the words used within it, you're either looking for drama or massively projecting!

@UhtredRagnarson

I'll leave you to the find the answers to your question in the preceding ten pages, they aren't hard to spot

l actually think you are slightly in the wrong. But then again I think of everybody in our house. bloody hell there's so much sanctimummy behaviour on this thread! 🤢

He’s being ridiculous. They’re his responsibility, not yours.

@ChristmasFluff

This is way deeper than pyjamas

"My own child" and "his children".

Sad. Like you said, you didn't even think about them.

And yes, this is one of those threads that would read very differently if the sexes had been reversed.

I so agree. And it's so sad that so many cannot see this.

I so agree. And it's so sad that so many cannot see this.

Because it's absolute bloody nonsense.

Mine are 2 and 5. Both "belong" to both of us. I have a vague mental list of what is sort of needed. It's pretty comprehensive for me, mostly complete for the DC (but I might well miss things like PJs or random infrequently worn items.

My current list has wellies for DC2 and a lightweight waterproof (plus waterproof trousers) for DC1. DC1 also needs leggings as she's destroying a pair a week by going through the knees... Have literally no idea if DH needs anything and I'd expect any DC older than 6 or 7 to make me aware of anything getting too small.

It would be different if I was going on a planned trip to do clothes shopping when I'd ask (and check).

Is it that big an issue? I wouldn't get worked up over it. If it's that big a deal to him then surely he can just go the shop and get them pyjamas himself.

@ChristmasFluff

This is way deeper than pyjamas

"My own child" and "his children".

Sad. Like you said, you didn't even think about them.

And yes, this is one of those threads that would read very differently if the sexes had been reversed.

Completely disagree. The bar is often so ridiculously low for men on here, the step dad would probably be applauded for buying his own baby pjs.

The same is happening here with those who are against the OP not even thinking that the father in the scenario should have bought his own children pjs when he noticed they were thread bare.

All these women and men foisting responsibilities onto women.

Complete bullshit.

I don't accept ANYONE telling me what my responsibilities are.

I know what MINE are and just because I have a vagina doesn't mean other people can foist the preconceived ideas on what I should be doing, which conveniently gets them off the hook.

Tell your husband he's a selfish arse and you won't be told what to do and get his own children bloody pyjamas.

His children have two parents that could buy them.

Sounds like your child has just one decent parent.

This is the sort of thing DH would do to me and it would drive me mad. I have two DC, he had 4. When it was up to me, they each got what they needed, when they needed it. I instigated identical pocket money for them all, and the same budget for christmas and birthday presents etc. I'd often get things for the Step DCs and nothing for my own depending on need. It seemed ridiculous to do otherwise.

But with DH, it was total one-upmanship. I got my daughter cheap winter shoes for school, his two daughters had to have new, more expensive winter shoes (they stayed with us overnight every three weeks and their shoes were fine). When my dyslexic son was told he should have a computer for homework, I gave him an old laptop of my that was sitting in a drawer; DH got brand new laptops for both his sons. My daughter had rotten windows in her room that DH refused to have replaced unless it meant his son's windows were replaced first, and as we couldn't afford to have two done, neither were fixed. He refused to go on special day-trips or holidays unless his children were going too (again, they were only with us every third weekend) and it often meant us not going anywhere because the logistics and cost of eight people going away somewhere often ruled it out.

On the other hand, when he got a big pay rise at work, he bought each of his children an iPod each but nothing for my two. He'd ignore any attempt at parity when it came to birthdays and christmas, and gave his children WAY over what had been agreed. It all caused so much bad feeling, which was a shame.

@GreyPaw

This is the sort of thing DH would do to me and it would drive me mad. I have two DC, he had 4. When it was up to me, they each got what they needed, when they needed it. I instigated identical pocket money for them all, and the same budget for christmas and birthday presents etc. I'd often get things for the Step DCs and nothing for my own depending on need. It seemed ridiculous to do otherwise.

But with DH, it was total one-upmanship. I got my daughter cheap winter shoes for school, his two daughters had to have new, more expensive winter shoes (they stayed with us overnight every three weeks and their shoes were fine). When my dyslexic son was told he should have a computer for homework, I gave him an old laptop of my that was sitting in a drawer; DH got brand new laptops for both his sons. My daughter had rotten windows in her room that DH refused to have replaced unless it meant his son's windows were replaced first, and as we couldn't afford to have two done, neither were fixed. He refused to go on special day-trips or holidays unless his children were going too (again, they were only with us every third weekend) and it often meant us not going anywhere because the logistics and cost of eight people going away somewhere often ruled it out.

On the other hand, when he got a big pay rise at work, he bought each of his children an iPod each but nothing for my two. He'd ignore any attempt at parity when it came to birthdays and christmas, and gave his children WAY over what had been agreed. It all caused so much bad feeling, which was a shame.

I'm confused why you don't describe this arsehole as ex husband?