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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 20:48

OP didn't know they needed new PJS

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2021 20:48

But they did need new pjs so it seems wrong to only buy your child some.

But but but she didn’t know that. So that’s irrelevant.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 20:54

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

But they did need new pjs so it seems wrong to only buy your child some.

If they were paid by you alone from your salary, he can’t really say anything. If from his or joint he is right in pointing out all his children deserved to be treated the same.

She didn't know they did!!
Lndnmummy · 15/05/2021 20:57

I think it’s the fact you didn’t consider them that upset your dh. I understand that, it would bother me too. If you’d texted him then you’d have shown him you were thinking of them and as you say yourself “you didn’t even think about them”. To me, that’s unreasonable

Lndnmummy · 15/05/2021 21:01

I suspect this is part of a wider issue, does your dh perhaps think that you need to make more effort to be inclusive of his children? Perhaps he thinks that with a new baby he’d like you both to make an extra effort with the step dc to make sure they don’t feel left out. I wouldn’t argue over the ins and outs of the pyjamas but i would get to the bottom of what made your dh react in this way and I’d be supportive about it and hear him out. I wouldn’t be petty and do the pointscouring. You are a blendid family you’ll have situations like this so I’d take the high road and hear him out.

Hallyup6 · 15/05/2021 21:03

I've got 5 kids. I don't buy for all of them every time one of them needs something. Equally, I don't buy for all of them if I see something I think one of them would like. You're not in the wrong, as long as you would pick something up for your stepchildren and not your own child at times. It's not like pyjamas are a treat for them!

BusyLizzie61 · 15/05/2021 21:10

@AnneLovesGilbert

But they did need new pjs so it seems wrong to only buy your child some.

But but but she didn’t know that. So that’s irrelevant.

That's very relevant actually. That she knows so little about the sc that she doesn't know they need new pyjamas!
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 21:17

@BusyLizzie61

Her DH knew though, about his own children, and hadn't bothered to buy any... it's absolutely his responsibility ultimately.

Or have you considered maybe they don't particularly need new ones and DH was wrong to have a go at OP?

LeroyJenkinssss · 15/05/2021 21:18

* That she knows so little about the sc that she doesn't know they need new pyjamas!*

That’s a heck of a leap! My DH and I have very different opinions as to when new clothes are needed - he’s of the opinion so long as there aren’t holes they are fine and I’m normal and don’t wait till they are actually threadbare before buying new ones.

Also Did they even notice the baby in new pajamas? Surely no one gives a monkey at a multipack of onesies being opened? The baby is going to need clothes every few months - surely the OP isn’t expected to buy for the sc at the same rate??

HeckyPeck · 15/05/2021 21:21

That's very relevant actually. That she knows so little about the sc that she doesn't know they need new pyjamas!

Omg! You're completely right. I bet she is planning on hiring a huntsman to cut out their hearts too!

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 21:22

That's very relevant actually. That she knows so little about the sc that she doesn't know they need new pyjamas

I have no idea if my SC need Pyjamas but I do know one is having a hard time with bullies and the other is worried about their dog being ill. Priorities.

TinselTinsel · 15/05/2021 21:23

YANBU tell him to kiss your winnits and ask why he hadn't picked up pjs fot sc if he had noticed they needed them already .

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 21:25

@ThatIsMyPotato

That's very relevant actually. That she knows so little about the sc that she doesn't know they need new pyjamas

I have no idea if my SC need Pyjamas but I do know one is having a hard time with bullies and the other is worried about their dog being ill. Priorities.

Absolutely this.

Love isn't PJs, as most decent people realise!

RandomMess · 15/05/2021 21:27

Perhaps if your DH had actually mentioned he needed to do some shopping for the DSC as they need new pjs a d xyz then you would have messaged him or just bought some but he didn't and you weren't aware they needed new stuff.

He's being a tit and it's probably because he can't be arsed to have to go clothes shopping for them.

GabsAlot · 15/05/2021 21:33

Ffs busylizzie what a reach

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 15/05/2021 21:46

@BusyLizzie61 - you are so, so unreasonable I feel like you need your own thread.
Why is it OP's responsibility to clothe children who already have a mother and a father?
If she had bought a pack of dummies or bottles for her baby do you believe that she also bought her stepchildren a new beaker or cutlery set? Seriously, you honestly believe that buying stuff is how you show love? I really pity you if you feel that way.
OP was at the supermarket so one assumes she was also buying food for everyone. Maybe she made sure to put a bottle of her step child's favourite squash in the trolley? Or bought the crisps or fruit that the other step child particularly likes? A tub of their favourite ice cream to enjoy after their favourite meal? Which she possibly does each and every week. You are making so many ridiculous claims that it's actually becoming embarrassing to read.

MrsClatterbuck · 15/05/2021 21:46

Maintenance is for what the children need with their mother. What the children need with their father and should be op, is to be provided by the father and the op Though I obviously get that this level of thought, care and demonstration of love isn't happening and obviously not what she intends to be the situation for the sc*

There is no maintenance as the sdc are 50/50 with their parents. Also it's not the ops responsibility to provide financially for the sdc

BillMasheen · 15/05/2021 21:47

To OP actually said upthread they didn’t look Like they needed new PJs. I’ll bet a tenner the DH is bullshitting to make her feel bad.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 15/05/2021 21:48

*should have bought, not also bought

Moonwatcher1234 · 15/05/2021 22:06

Hmmm...I can see it from both sides but it reminds me of when me and cousins would both be staying with our grandparents and extended family. They were very much the favoured grandchildren and aunts would often pick them up something nicer (ie a toy for them and a colouring book for us). We never said anything or made a fuss but evidently it is something that I remember and the feeling of (not being over dramatic as I was only a child) hurt. Just to avoid that (and children will not necessarily show that they are hurt or noticed different treatment) maybe next time just pick them up something as well.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 22:09

@Moonwatcher1234

Hmmm...I can see it from both sides but it reminds me of when me and cousins would both be staying with our grandparents and extended family. They were very much the favoured grandchildren and aunts would often pick them up something nicer (ie a toy for them and a colouring book for us). We never said anything or made a fuss but evidently it is something that I remember and the feeling of (not being over dramatic as I was only a child) hurt. Just to avoid that (and children will not necessarily show that they are hurt or noticed different treatment) maybe next time just pick them up something as well.
It's PJs for a baby! I doubt they batted an eyelid, I can't imagine them giving a shit about what is essentially a baby grow, bought during a routine supermarket shop.
Love51 · 15/05/2021 22:38

@TedRed can you update this thread next time your stepchildren are at yours and let us know if their dad has bought them pyjamas yet? Also if he just bought them or if he let the children choose? And if he got them from your supermarket sale.

More pertinently, have you previously been responsible for their jama needs?
I'm on team minimalism, no new clothes that aren't on the mental list in my head. Unfortunately PJ's for your stepchildren are now on that list!

RachelRaven · 15/05/2021 22:45

Ffs why are there 8 pages on this!

No op was not wrong.

If her dh knew his children needed pyjamas he should have fuckin well bought some.

RachelRaven · 15/05/2021 22:46

TedRed can you update this thread next time your stepchildren are at yours and let us know if their dad has bought them pyjamas yet? Also if he just bought them or if he let the children choose? And if he got them from your supermarket sale

Yes this would be very interesting.

HollowTalk · 15/05/2021 22:51

So, his ex buys them for her children. You buy them for your child. He doesn't buy them for anyone. Yet you're to blame?