Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/05/2021 17:57

You can’t be expected to buy new stuff for 8 and 1 yos whenever you buy new stuff for a baby. That’s ludicrous.

Also, I wouldn’t expect my children’s step mum to buy them stuff - I’d expect exh to do it himself! Although obviously she could if she wanted to.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 15/05/2021 17:58

I do think you're a bit in the wrong. The SC were at your house that day, and it is a bit mean not to think of them too, as if theyre nothing to do with you, as if theyre not DC of your your family.

quizqueen · 15/05/2021 18:02

The state of SC's pjs are the responsibility of their dad and mum. Maybe your DH should spend more time in the supermarket/shops and then he may notice there are sales on .

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2021 18:02

He’s being very stupid and unreasonable.

Is this out of character behaviour?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 15/05/2021 18:02

Just saw your comment about "he would give me the money back". Are your finances separate OP?

Tangledtresses · 15/05/2021 18:02

Omg these answers are ridiculous, they have a mum who can buy them clothes!
My son is a step child I wouldn't dream of expecting the step mum to buy my son clothes!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/05/2021 18:03

@LalalalalalaLand123

I do think you're a bit in the wrong. The SC were at your house that day, and it is a bit mean not to think of them too, as if theyre nothing to do with you, as if theyre not DC of your your family.
How many 8 and 10 year olds do you know who’d be hurt or jealous of a one year old getting new pyjamas?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 18:03

@Tangledtresses

Omg these answers are ridiculous, they have a mum who can buy them clothes! My son is a step child I wouldn't dream of expecting the step mum to buy my son clothes!
Almost everyone has said OP has done nothing wrong! Common sense has prevailed I think - hurrah!
Llamadramasheepface · 15/05/2021 18:06

I have 3 DC OP and sometimes I will just buy for one in the sale despite them all being my responsibility. Sales are hitty missy anyway and rarely would I be able to find all 3 sizes in order to buy them anything. Its just how it is.

Shelby2010 · 15/05/2021 18:07

YANBU
It’s not like DH asked you to pick up some PJ’s if you saw anything suitable.

I have 2 DDs and clothes/shoes are bought based on what they need.

The only exception to this is if I buy a ‘nice’ top for DD1 then I will look out for something suitable for DD2 as 90% of her clothes are hand-me-downs so she gets bought less anyway.

BakewellGin1 · 15/05/2021 18:09

YADNBU

I have two children. One age 12 and one age 2... Sometimes I see something for oldest and think he would like it... Sometimes other way round...

Quite often I don't go home with something for them both.

Obviously that makes me wrong too Confused

Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2021 18:10

If he was aware the children needed pyjamas why didn't he just get them? He obviously forgot or couldn't be bothered then when he saw you had purchased some for the baby he suddenly remembered, felt a bit guilty perhaps for not getting them for his other children and saw a nice opportunity to blame you and so make himself feel better.

m0therofdragons · 15/05/2021 18:11

I have 3 dc and regularly pick up stuff for one and not there others.

Lucked · 15/05/2021 18:12

I don’t always buy equally for my own children just depends on the offer and what’s required.

aSofaNearYou · 15/05/2021 18:15

Of course you're not being unreasonable at all, he needs to buck up his attitude.

ittakes2 · 15/05/2021 18:15

I have twins and still don't attempt to make things 'even' I get what they as individuals want or need. My son can spend a lot of money on FIFA points, his sister asks for about £4 a year for her games. But my son rarely wants any clothes and but my daughter is always asking for new clothes.
The only thing I would say is considering your stepchild scenario I might not have brought out the PJs while they were there.

PlanDeRaccordement · 15/05/2021 18:20

YANBU
They were Pjs for a baby, an essential item.
I’d only agree with your partner if you’d bought a treat/toy for an older child and nothing for the step children when they are over.

mam0918 · 15/05/2021 18:23

the title 'Step parent' means nothing to me as its a spectrum

My 'step' dad raised me all my life and is my full time dad, he thinks of me exactly as he does my siblings who are his so would have thought of us both at the same time.

My step 'mams' on the other hand (theres been 5 in my 30 years alive) are just my deadbeat bio dads long term girlfriends, they have mostly been perfectly nice people (1 was horrible, the rest where fine and made far more effort than my actual dad ever did) but I honestly expect nothing from them and if they bought their own kids something the thought wouldnt even cross my mind that I didnt get anything.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2021 18:27

Not unreasonable. Does he buy your baby something every time he buys for older ones? If 8 yo needed new X but 10 yo didn't would he buy them both the same even though it's a waste?

Peachesarepeach · 15/05/2021 18:27

I'm assuming this is naice pjs for a naice shop and not the multipack jobbies from a supermarket?

Sounds like he's still adjusting to having a child who he lives with all the time and his visiting older pair and feeling guilty.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 18:31

@Peachesarepeach

I'm assuming this is naice pjs for a naice shop and not the multipack jobbies from a supermarket?

Sounds like he's still adjusting to having a child who he lives with all the time and his visiting older pair and feeling guilty.

No, they were just from the supermarket. I was having a look in the clothes section and there was a sales rack with pyjamas on
OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 15/05/2021 18:31

Sometimes I’ll buy something for one of my dds and sometimes the other. No biggie!

I think your DH is being pathetic!

Daenerys77 · 15/05/2021 18:34

No, your stepchildren's clothing is their parents' responsibility.

waitingforthenextseason · 15/05/2021 18:45

You have done NOTHING wrong, OP.

I have 3 children of my own, and if i find something for 1 of them that they need, I don't feel obligated to buy something for all 3 at that time. FFS.

If your DP wants his kids to have new pyjamas, he should go out and buy some.

RB68 · 15/05/2021 18:46

Correct respoonse is "Oh do they need PJs....well be sure to let their Mum know there is a good sale on in xyz or you can pop in tomorrow and get some"

Swipe left for the next trending thread