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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 15/05/2021 17:04

@BelleBlueBell Soubriquet changed her mind on further updates from the OP.

Grumblesigh · 15/05/2021 17:05

It's ok to buy whatever you damn well please for your baby. A new crinkle book is not going to make the stepkids jealous!

rainyskylight · 15/05/2021 17:10

Tbh OP I think he probably felt like you’d shown him up in front of his DC. So he’s blaming you for not reading his mind or reminding him about it. He’s conflating baby pyjamas with 8 & 10 yr old presents because of his own uncomfortable feelings.

AzureHawker2 · 15/05/2021 17:10

YANBU, I have 3 dc and I don’t buy them all something every time I see clothes that would be suitable for one of them. For example last week I was in a supermarket and saw pyjamas reduced price which were exactly what my dd2 needed at the moment so I bought them for her. Dd 1 was disappointed not to get new pyjamas but also knows that there have been plenty of times when I have got her something and not dd2.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/05/2021 17:11

I don't believe your DSC needed new pyjamas at all. I think your "D"H is just being jealous of the fact that you only bought your child stuff, and not his other children.

I could be wrong but I really don't think so, or he wouldn't be making such a stupid song and dance about how "you knew" and you "could have messaged to check if DSC needed anything" once you found the sale. Bollocks!

And it's total gaslighting for him to tell you that he knows "you knew" better than you do yourself.

NExt time he buys the DSC anything, it would be extremely petty (and equally immature as he's being) to say "oh, and where is the baby's present? Why haven't you got baby something too? Surely you knew that baby needed XYZ as well, or you could have messaged me?"

See how he'd like it. But you shouldn't do that because that's petty and childish - just like he's being just now.

NeedNewKnees · 15/05/2021 17:13

Your DH is being an oversensitive eejit.

ivykaty44 · 15/05/2021 17:15

when was the last time your dp got clothes for any of the children?

Concestor · 15/05/2021 17:17

"oh DH! What a great idea! They'd love to choose new PJs I'm sure. Why don't you take them to the shop to get some, it will be a lovely trip out for you all."

Yanbu OP, you didn't know they needed any and it was an impulse buy.

partyatthepalace · 15/05/2021 17:23

I think you need to tell Mr Grumpy that you aren’t a mind reader. It just didn’t occur to you. End of.

If he called you selfish he is being a wombat.

midlifecrash · 15/05/2021 17:24

Is he of the mindset that you and/or former partner pay for things for children, not him?

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2021 17:25

He’s the parent, nothing stopping him from buying them pyjamas or is that a wife job? He sounds like a knob

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/05/2021 17:28

@zurala

"oh DH! What a great idea! They'd love to choose new PJs I'm sure. Why don't you take them to the shop to get some, it will be a lovely trip out for you all."

Yanbu OP, you didn't know they needed any and it was an impulse buy.

He doesn’t even need to go to the shops!!! Turn on the computer, ask SC to pick themselves some pyjamas from shop of choice. It’s literally that simple. No one need leave the house 🤦🏻‍♀️
godmum56 · 15/05/2021 17:28

I would also see this as a straw in the wind.....

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 17:28

@midlifecrash

Is he of the mindset that you and/or former partner pay for things for children, not him?
He said he would have given me the money back.
OP posts:
CovidCorvid · 15/05/2021 17:30

@TedRed

He was saying he will buy them himself but if I was in the shop I could have at least asked because I knew they needed some (it's obvious apparently).
See I think he’s talking bollocks. If they actually needed something he would either have gone and sorted it himself or mentioned it to you before you left the house. Are you sure he’s not just looking for an excuse to have a pop at you?
Footloosefancyfree · 15/05/2021 17:37

I'm always buying dd clothes I buy what I see in the sales at the time. I took the oldest two shopping. It all depends on what I see you didn't do anything wrong op.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/05/2021 17:37

He said he would have given me the money back.

So your finances are not joined? Even more interesting.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 15/05/2021 17:42

YANBU. It's not your responsibility to buy clothes for your stepchildren, it's the responsibility of the mum and dad. My DS has a stepmum and I don't expect her to buy clothing for DS, it's his dad's job!

ZenNudist · 15/05/2021 17:45

Eh? I don't buy for both dc at once and they aren't my step children. I buy things they need.

Tipsylizard · 15/05/2021 17:46

You aren't wrong to buy your child pj's but I would have picked some up for your sk' s too especially as they were there. The message it sends is that you don't think of them, which regardless of age, is a bit of a negative. They might have rolled their eyes at new Pjs but the fact you think about them would make them feel included.

Tipsylizard · 15/05/2021 17:47

BTW I have 2 step kids and 2 of my own.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 17:48

If it's so obvious to him that they need new PJs, has he got off his arse and bought any? Or stayed on his arse and bought them online? Or is it woman's work in his mind?

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 15/05/2021 17:49

Mountain & molehill...

I have 2 children - I often pick up something for one and not the other!

Non issue. All he had to say was ‘oh, SC could do with new pyjama’s as well actually if you happen to see any for them next time.’

chopsticksonfire · 15/05/2021 17:49

Sounds like he's just trying to cause an argument for the sake of it. I'd tell him to fuck off

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 17:50

@FrankieDettol

YANBU but as a PP has said, don't out yourself as a stepmum on here, the floodgates of bile will open up..
Eh? I think almost everyone has said OP wasn't being unreasonable and her partner is being a dick!