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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've done nothing wrong here?

262 replies

TedRed · 15/05/2021 15:46

Went out before to the shops and noticed a sale on a few child items so bought DC some new pyjamas.

DH thinks I should have thought and got step children some too whilst there as they also need new pyjamas.

Now I admit I didn't even think about it, just thought oh they are nice for X and in the sale and bunged them in the basket.

AIBU to think I've done absolutely nothing wrong and if he is that concerned about his children's pyjamas he can go back and get them?

I don't have a problem doing things for my step children but I don't expect to be called selfish for just buying something for my own child.

And before anyone asks, yes step children are here today when I brought home said pyjamas but there is quite a big age gap and I highly doubt they cared.

OP posts:
MarcelineMissouri · 15/05/2021 16:30

Yanbu. Your dh is being ridiculous. Particularly with the age gap involved. Plus it’s pyjamas!! It’s not like you came home with a basketful of toys solely for the use of your child!!

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:31

@Dobbyisahouseelf

Jesus your DH needs to get a grip. You bought PJ'S hardly a treat. Now if you had bought a toy, book or sweets for your child whilst your step children were at your house and nothing for them then YWBVU.

Honestly I don't know how blended families deal with this perceived fairness on a daily basis. Surely clothes are bought on a need basis for each child.

Even then, I don't think the older kids will get jealous of a baby toy.
TrashPanda · 15/05/2021 16:33

I don't have step children but today I popped into town to buy myself some jeans, whilst there I got the 11yo some football socks, the 6yo some joggers that were in the sale and the 3yo absolutely nothing. Clothes I very rarely buy for all 3 at the same time, I buy stuff as I see it.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:34

See I have done that before though with the toys.

I bought DC some baby books and bath toys the other day on Amazon which happened to get delivered when DSC were here. I didn't think anything of it, it's not like it's anything they'd be interested in anyway.

If they were closer in age I could understand.

OP posts:
CadburyCake · 15/05/2021 16:34

He’d regret that if he was married to me. Every time I set foot in a shop he’d be getting messages just to check he or children didn’t need anything. Maybe multiple times in different aisles, just to make sure.

CadburyCake · 15/05/2021 16:36

(I assume of course that he takes equal responsibility for checking you/your baby don’t need anything every time he shops or buys something?)

mainsfed · 15/05/2021 16:37

Maybe he thinks now that you have a baby you will feel like being Mother Earth to all the children.

This would be make me watch out for creeping expectations of you being default parent for all DC and DSC.

Nietzschethehiker · 15/05/2021 16:37

He's being ridiculous and beyond disrespectful (Bloody selfish???)

I don't even necessarily buy my (both my biological) DC the exact same thing. If I see a piece of clothing in Ds 2 size on sale I pick it up. If they have one in DS1 I will pick it up if he needs it but if they don't its hardly the end of the world. Vice versa obviously as well. Ds1 grew out of his trousers recently (all of them at the same time ..thank you growth spurts Hmm , I did not go our and buy 5 pairs of trousers for DS2 to make it equal because he doesn't ed any! and is 5 and has as much interest in clothes as he does in world exonomics

Both my DC are taught its not about tit for tat and they all get equal overall.

He can bugger right off.

itsgettingwierd · 15/05/2021 16:39

The step kids are at your house. The house of their father you chose to marry.

They need new pyjamas (and you would know that if they stay over)

But you didn't think of them - just your own DC when you got some?

I actually think that was a little selfish and very unfair to present something to your child in front of them.

I'm usually firmly in the side of SM on MN and Connor believe the attitudes some have but on this one I'm with your DH.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/05/2021 16:41

Suggest to him he used the internet and buys his own children some pyjamas as he is much more likely than you to know what they need as their main caregiver.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:42

Hardly presented them to my child... They are 1! 😂 They'd be happy to be naked all the time if I let them. Certainly not excited over being 'presented' with new pyjamas.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 15/05/2021 16:43

Baby sizes go up in monthly stages, if you purchased clothes for the other kids as often as you needed to for baby they would have way too much. It's not comparable.

Original poster
TedRed · 15/05/2021 16:44

And yes, I did think of my DC and not DSC in that particular scenario, as my child's parent responsible for buying them pyjamas and other necessities when they need new ones. As PPs said, if DH thought DSC were so desperately in need of new PJs (they really aren't walking around in hole ridden, two sizes too small pyjamas) then why hasn't he got them already?

OP posts:
justanotherneighinparadise · 15/05/2021 16:45

@itsgettingwierd

The step kids are at your house. The house of their father you chose to marry.

They need new pyjamas (and you would know that if they stay over)

But you didn't think of them - just your own DC when you got some?

I actually think that was a little selfish and very unfair to present something to your child in front of them.

I'm usually firmly in the side of SM on MN and Connor believe the attitudes some have but on this one I'm with your DH.

Nonsense. These children have their own mum and dad who are responsible for their care and they should be organising anything that needs to be purchased.

It’s one thing for the father to tell his wife that the stepchildren need pyjamas and for the wife to then ignore this and purchase pyjamas for her own biological child. It’s another thing altogether to assume that every purchase she makes should be made for all the children. Instead of one jumper- three jumpers. Instead of one pair of trousers - three pairs of trousers. One sun hat - three sun hats. Where would that end?

Elegantactivator · 15/05/2021 16:45

This thread should have stopped after @ViciousJackdaw post. The only corrected answer to any step parent AIBU Grin

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 15/05/2021 16:51

I hope he's giving their actual mother the same grief over their lack of pyjamas as he's giving you?

Iwonder08 · 15/05/2021 16:51

Utterly ridiculous. You are not their parent, you have no responsibility whatsoever to look after their clothes. Also you were not buying a treat, you bought an essential item of clothes for a baby who couldn't care less. Your husband has issues

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 15/05/2021 16:52

Notwithstanding the fact he could buy them himself obvs.

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:54

They need new pyjamas (and you would know that if they stay over) I have no idea of the current state of my SDC's PJs. I have other things to do than pay attention to their clothes as their clothes are not my responsibility. Unless they are full of gaping holes or falling down I really wouldn't notice, I leave that to their parents. I must be an evil stepmother using my brain capacity for other things.

WingingItSince1973 · 15/05/2021 16:55

YADNBU what a drama out of nothing (DH not you). I have often bought clothes and toys for my DGS aged 5 in the presence of my 14 year old DD and never felt the need to buy her things too as she has things at different times as and when needed. It's just pjs!

Branleuse · 15/05/2021 16:55

tell him that youre not buying his children clothes, but if hes quick, the shop might still be open

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:56

@TedRed

Hardly presented them to my child... They are 1! 😂 They'd be happy to be naked all the time if I let them. Certainly not excited over being 'presented' with new pyjamas.
You mean you didn't perform an elaborate handing over ritual complete with jazzy sound track and party poppers? Wink

I'm not sure my SDC even notice what my child is wearing.

ThankYouHunkyJesus · 15/05/2021 16:57

I buy my dc things when they need them, i buy dsc things when he needs them. If i don't know dsc needs something one of us will usually grab it next time or order it online. I'm not buying anyone pyjamas on the offchance they might possibly need some, just because I'm buying some for someone who does need them!

BelleBlueBell · 15/05/2021 17:01

@Soubriquet

Actually I think you’re a little bit in the wrong

If your SC are visiting that day, then it would have been nice to pick up something too for them.

Surely you don't buy clothes for all your children when one child needs something new? That's madness

Why would I buy all my children pyjamas if one needs a new pair? No one does that do they?

I must check with my teenage children if they feel their childhood was marred by me buying clothes when needed not simply because a sibling needed something new.

Pomtastic · 15/05/2021 17:01

At 8 & 10, I wouldn't be buying anything without checking whether the children themselves like the item!

They're starting to get to know their own taste at that age - no point getting them something they wouldn't like or wear 🤷‍♀️

Your DH is being weird.