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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong to be upset I missed my son opening his birthday presents? 😭

320 replies

BellaFranksLily · 15/05/2021 12:37

Its my sons 7th Birthday today. I was up late wrapping his presents, decorating and generally making it nice for him. I woke up to find my partner wasn’t next to me in bed, & went downstairs to find he had let my son open all of his presents without me. I’ve never missed any of my kids opening presents on Birthdays or Christmas. I’m not going to ruin today being upset, but was on the verge of tears when I realised. My son asked me where I was, and my partner is acting like it’s not a big deal. Feel gutted 😭

OP posts:
MournfulTromboneNoise · 15/05/2021 13:24

@rwalker

I must be in a minorty for the life of me I can't get excited for birthdays . in our house it really is just another day few card and presents.

To some people it's like the second coming and all the drama that comes with it.

Personally I would of enjoyed the lie in and our kids wouldn't of been bothered in the slightest .

Have you given any thought as to why your children aren't bothered about you being their for their special occasions? Hmm
TheChild · 15/05/2021 13:24

I would be annoyed at this OP, I know it's not the end of the world but the best part of my kids birthdays is watching them open their presents (at 5am!)

espressoontap · 15/05/2021 13:24

What a twat. I'd be really upset, too. And fucking angry/furious.

timeisnotaline · 15/05/2021 13:25

There is no way someone who would do this isn’t also a monumental prick in lots of other ways. It’s just a horrible way to treat the woman you love, the mother of your child, who has also done all the fucking work.

Bonariensis · 15/05/2021 13:26

Sounds like he resented you having a lie in OP

Wineat5isfine · 15/05/2021 13:26

Would also be raging! So sorry you missed out on your son opening his presents. Your husband is an arse and you are very much entitled to feel upset! 💐 for you x

Rmka · 15/05/2021 13:26

OP, I'm pregnant so it's 50% hormones but I'm crying for you. What a mean thing to do.
Enjoy your son's birthday, but once kids are asleep have a good conversation with your partner. This is not OK...

PegasusReturns · 15/05/2021 13:27

That’s really nasty and cruel.

I’d bet money it was deliberate.

StormcloakNord · 15/05/2021 13:28

I know it's been said to death but that is bloody awful OP.

No wonder you're upset, I'd be absolutely gutted and apoplectic at DH if he did that to me.

Like PP said there is no chance he tried hard enough to wake you up. He clearly wanted you to miss DS opening his presents. What a horrible thing to do.

mynameisbrian · 15/05/2021 13:28

We always open presents as a family. I would have lost it if my DH had decided to hand out presents when I wasnt there. I am not surprised your furious, you did all the work, purchasing, wrapping , decorations and your DP lies to you about why he let your DC open his presents with out you. I find it hard to believe he tried to wake you

freakyfridays · 15/05/2021 13:30

@rwalker

I must be in a minorty for the life of me I can't get excited for birthdays . in our house it really is just another day few card and presents.

To some people it's like the second coming and all the drama that comes with it.

Personally I would of enjoyed the lie in and our kids wouldn't of been bothered in the slightest .

How depressing.
2020nymph · 15/05/2021 13:30

What a dick.

We host Christmas, when DS2 was one, while I was in the kitchen getting the next stage of dinner sorted, MIL suggested the boys open the presents from us p. I was gone for about 15mins and they opened everything. DH out to the kitchen to drain the spuds for me and missed some of it. I was raging. DH did not get it.

DurhamDurham · 15/05/2021 13:31

And maybe in a quiet moment ask your DS why he didn't come to get you and at some point (not today) I'd tell him that you're sad you didn't get to see him open the presents

Please don't do that. Why would you want to make a seven year at old feel guilty about the choices of his parents? His dad might have said don't disturb your mum, she's asleep, you can open your present etc

BungleandGeorge · 15/05/2021 13:32

I’m very happy to tell my children they have to wait to open presents. Sometimes they even have to wait until late morning (shock, horror) for grandparents to arrive. This situation is totally unacceptable and very unkind of your partner. I suspect if he’d said to the kids they had to wait until you were there they would have been upstairs doing a much more effective job of waking you up. He just didn’t bother

supermoonrising · 15/05/2021 13:32

I guess, if we are being generous, he is perhaps someone who doesn't put much/any effort into helping raise the child/children, so it didn't occur to him how much time/effort/emotional investment OP puts in. Hence "not a big deal". There is a lesson to be had perhaps, but probably not a very positive one re. The Partner.

girlmama32 · 15/05/2021 13:32

That's absolutely awful and I would be fuming! No wonder you are upset!

CallmeHendricks · 15/05/2021 13:32

I would have been absolutely fucking FURIOUS if my dh had done that!
YADNBU!!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 13:33

@DurhamDurham

And maybe in a quiet moment ask your DS why he didn't come to get you and at some point (not today) I'd tell him that you're sad you didn't get to see him open the presents

Please don't do that. Why would you want to make a seven year at old feel guilty about the choices of his parents? His dad might have said don't disturb your mum, she's asleep, you can open your present etc

Totally agree - awful suggestion from PP to quiz a child about this! Poor thing.
rwalker · 15/05/2021 13:37

@MournfulTromboneNoise
We did tea ,cards and presents it just wasn't OTT .

BlackCatShadow · 15/05/2021 13:37

I don't believe for a second that your partner didn't know exactly what he was doing. That was a really nasty thing of him to do. I also don't believe that he doesn't get why you are upset.

Looubylou · 15/05/2021 13:37

Obviously today is all about your son not you or dad, but it's still thoughtless. I'd be waiting until ds is at school / grans and then making my future expectations very clear. Don't let it spoil the day 💐🥳

Onestep2021 · 15/05/2021 13:37

It wouldn’t even matter if he did all of the purchasing, wrapping etc. Of course he should have woken you or waited..

Abouttimemum · 15/05/2021 13:38

I’d be absolutely devastated. What was he thinking!???

arethereanyleftatall · 15/05/2021 13:38

@BellaFranksLily

He’s never done it before, usually the kids run in our room and we all go down together. He said he heard them, and went down. He said he “tried” to wake me, but I honestly don’t believe him, and if he did he should have tried harder! He has stayed in bed some Christmas’s and I’ve always got him up, so he doesn’t miss anything, so I just don’t get it. Would have thought it’s obvious I would want to be there 🥺
It is obvious op.

So, he's done this to deliberately be deeply unkind to you.

He has then gaslighted you in to making you think you're in the wrong by making a fuss.

Roboticcarrot · 15/05/2021 13:38

Sounds like he was being pathetic and wanted to take all of the glory, is he horrible in other ways?

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