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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I wrong to be upset I missed my son opening his birthday presents? 😭

320 replies

BellaFranksLily · 15/05/2021 12:37

Its my sons 7th Birthday today. I was up late wrapping his presents, decorating and generally making it nice for him. I woke up to find my partner wasn’t next to me in bed, & went downstairs to find he had let my son open all of his presents without me. I’ve never missed any of my kids opening presents on Birthdays or Christmas. I’m not going to ruin today being upset, but was on the verge of tears when I realised. My son asked me where I was, and my partner is acting like it’s not a big deal. Feel gutted 😭

OP posts:
tolerable · 15/05/2021 14:16

thats shitty.go buy a selection of little gifts you know he'll love.n do it over

StormcloakNord · 15/05/2021 14:17

I asked my DH his opinion:

"You'd have to be a self-serving psychopath to do something like that"

Tongue-in-cheek obviously, but he agrees it's a bloody awful thing to do and wouldn't dream of doing it!

TedImgoingmad · 15/05/2021 14:20

Hmm. It's a passive aggressive thing to do. He may be punishing you for something. It might not be something you realise you have done. It might be something in his head (e.g. he is fed up about something, and has decided that something is your fault).

theleafandnotthetree · 15/05/2021 14:20

@knittingaddict. I know it's not the same, but I suppose what being forced into that situation makes you realise that the weight which these events/moments assume is only what we choose to give them. Lots of people miss out on things and life goes on, 364 other days of the year. Of course the OP's husband was ridiculously thoughtless and bone headed but talk of never forgiving him etc seems to be a tad over the top

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:24

That is really really nasty. Even worse that he’s dressed it up as doing something nice by letting you lie in.

I would be so upset at this.

Summersun2020 · 15/05/2021 14:27

I honestly think it was more than thoughtless. There’s no way on earth that after seeing the previous 6 birthday, and watching the OP put thought and effort into the gifts, that it wouldn’t have occurred to him that she’d want to watch him open gifts. Don’t believe that for a second. This was malicious

JackieTheFart · 15/05/2021 14:27

@theleafandnotthetree OP didn’t ‘miss out’ though did she?

Her husband deliberately excluded her from something he knew she would want to be involved in. If she missed it because she was caught in traffic, away for work, just unwell upstairs - then it wouldn’t sting so much.

But her husband, the man who’s supposed to love her above all else, deliberately excluded her even when his son asked where she was. It’s cruel.

ZoeMaye · 15/05/2021 14:27

That's a divorcable offence if ever I saw one!

ElderMillennial · 15/05/2021 14:28

That's selfish and thoughtless of your DP

Whether he put in equal effort or not, it should have occurred to him to wait for you or wake you up

Mol1628 · 15/05/2021 14:31

Oh no I’m so sorry. I’m not sure I would be able to forgive something like this.

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 15/05/2021 14:33

I'd be gutted. I'd be furious. I hope you enjoy the rest of the day Thanks

Standrewsschool · 15/05/2021 14:33

I’d be upset, and would be having words later.

knittingaddict · 15/05/2021 14:34

[quote JackieTheFart]@theleafandnotthetree OP didn’t ‘miss out’ though did she?

Her husband deliberately excluded her from something he knew she would want to be involved in. If she missed it because she was caught in traffic, away for work, just unwell upstairs - then it wouldn’t sting so much.

But her husband, the man who’s supposed to love her above all else, deliberately excluded her even when his son asked where she was. It’s cruel.[/quote]
Absolutely.

I would be amazed if this was anything other than deliberate. Who knows what he is "punishing" her for, but in his head it's something.

Skatastic · 15/05/2021 14:35

That is absolutely fucking awful, fucking snakey, fucking outright cruel behaviour. Horrible.

Mooloolabababy · 15/05/2021 14:35

Wow, I really couldn't forgive that. Total shitty behaviour by your dp. We always make sure everyone in the house is up and downstairs for present opening on birthdays and at Christmas and we never start until everyone is ready. I would never entertain the idea of doing it without dh and the same for him. There is no excuse for that at all!

lakesidelife · 15/05/2021 14:36

What a horrid thing to do.
I would definitely be having a conversation when dc were in bed.

Ilovemaisie · 15/05/2021 14:36

Hmmm.... I don't think this is a huge issue and worth getting so upset about.
The child is 7. He would have been very excited. He wouldn't have cared if the presents are wrapped all nicely and fancy...he wants what is inside.
If it would have been me I would have said in an excited voice "Oh wow what did you get? What does this toy do? Lets look at your cards. Ooh I like this card from Aunty" and let the child get all excited and tell me about them.
By the way it's my birthday today. My husband got me some very nice presents but he didn't wrap them - just left them in the bags they came in. Should I LTB ?

Ifonlyidknownthen · 15/05/2021 14:36

Very selfish of him up do and if be upset too. In our house we all wake up together and wait until every member of the family is sat to watch present opening.

Joinedjustforthispost · 15/05/2021 14:36

My husband try’s to wait until I get up but obviously he’s not going to make the kids suffer to long so if it gets to a reasonable time he will bring me a cuppa and say we’re just about to open presents I’ve let you lie in a bit. I understand your pain last Christmas I’d been up until 3am wrapping last minute presents and cooking roast goose and all the trimmings which was to much and my husband was up at 6 am with very excited children and one is sen so doesn’t understand wait! So I woke up at 9.30 feeling devastated. @BellaFranksLily

Changednameforthispost11 · 15/05/2021 14:37

I would be fuming too.

My dh does very little of the birthday and Christmas preparations, usually just blowing up a couple of balloons but I wouldn’t dream of letting him miss out on any of it.

To have done all of the work and then someone else take all of the glory deliberately would really push my buttons tbh!

viques · 15/05/2021 14:45

@BellaFranksLily

He’s never done it before, usually the kids run in our room and we all go down together. He said he heard them, and went down. He said he “tried” to wake me, but I honestly don’t believe him, and if he did he should have tried harder! He has stayed in bed some Christmas’s and I’ve always got him up, so he doesn’t miss anything, so I just don’t get it. Would have thought it’s obvious I would want to be there 🥺
Most people would have said to the seven year old ,” Nip upstairs and wake mummy up! Tell her you want to open your presents” and most seven year olds would have made sure you woke up.
skeemee · 15/05/2021 14:45

My first LTB. What a selfish selfish toad.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 15/05/2021 14:48

I pressed the wrong button and voted YABU by mistake. You are totally not being unreasonable to be upset by this!!! I always set up the birthday stuff for my kids and I’d be raging if DH did this to me.

DustCentral · 15/05/2021 14:50

That’s a deliberate act. He didn’t accidentally leave you in bed. Prick. Not sure I could forgive the deliberate nature of that.

Lorw · 15/05/2021 14:51

Wow. I’m extremely upset for you.

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