My husband playing golf at the weekend pisses me off

[MrsTumbletap]

Just looking for opinions and thoughts on this issue as I know a lot of women on here have partners that play golf or even play golf themselves.

DH didn't play golf when we got together he took up this hobby a few years ago. He plays in week on his day off when I'm at work, DS is at school, fine, no issue with that.

DH also works 1 day every weekend, so me and DS spend a lot of time together just us, which is lovely, but he does say a lot “Daddy is always at golf, why does he go so much?” And I'm always trying to explain that he wants his own time etc. We have 4 days a month as a family. He likes to play golf on two of those.

Then chuck in the 4 day golf weekends a couple of times a year and it feels like he is taking the piss.

AIBU to moan a bit that he isn't around that much as a dad and part of the family? That he is missing the memories of when kids are little and fun?

Is it the same if your husband is in to going to football matches, or going to the gym 4 times a week, or fishing etc?

I have my own hobbies, my own friends, I'm busy, I'm happy, but the days a month where we are all off school and work to me seem like we should be together.

Golf one sunday a month would be fine but every other? It just seems like he is shirking his parental responsibilities, he thinks aibu and I shoul be fine with it.

I need wider opinions.

Based on what you've said YANBU.

So he only spends 2 full days a month with his son?

When I saw the title I was about to write, that’s why I never date men that play golf (and there’s something so boring about it that I find men unsexy if they do - but that’s another discussion!)

I would start demanding equal leisure time and then I’m sure he’d curb his time out as that would mean the other two family days you use and so there’s no family days left?
That would very quickly show you whether he actually gives a toss about your marriage and being a family unit or not.
Unfortunately one of the reasons I have a natural dislike of golfing men as because I’ve heard so many of them joke about how they use it to get away from the wife and kids and have thought was selfish pricks they all are, it seemed like the in-joke golfers have with each other about us women

YANBU

I would just tell him that it's his own fault if when his son is older that he wants nothing to do with him. Hope the memories of golf by that point were worth it.

What is it with men and their fucking sports? Does my head in.

If he must play then he should get an early t-off time, around 0600. That way he can play and still be home for most of a family day.

He's really selfish considering that he already gets to play golf in the week. Could there be a compromise of DH taking DS for a game once a month?

Why not use the alternative days for your own hobbies and he gets to spend 1-2-1 quality time with his son? It will be a real test of his priorities as to what he does with his son on those days.

6 days a month playing golf and 2 days with his family?! Tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine.

@GoddessKali, quite agree. It is very unsexy and people who play tend to be so boring about it. Some men who practice golf swings in the office always seems like twats.. can you imagine any other sport doing that??

Op, upshot is your husband is showing you his priorities. I think you can either try to persuade him to change his priorities, force him to share 50/50 or accept this and realise he is the one losing out.
Men get validation from other men for competing in sport and this trumps family life. How often do men acknowledge other men for choosing family time? It doesn't happen. Tbf some level of sport is healthy but golf seems to involve a full day which is why it's so disruptive to family life

Yabu nothing wrong with having a sport hobby and if it is golf it needs a few hours which means some weekend time too. I go every week to football which takes from 1-6pm every Saturday so probably the same length of time as golf. I cannot imagine giving that up and would not have children if it did.

So can I just check I understand correctly ? You get 8 days off work a month and you spend 6 of these looking after your child alone and 2 days looking after your child with your husband.

He gets 8 days a month off and spends 6 of these doing his own hobby and two of these with his wife and child ?

Is that right?

If so your problem isn’t golf. Your problem is that your husband is a selfish arsehole of a husband and a poor apology for a father.

When my children were younger, my husband used to play at 7.30am on Saturday and just do 9 holes and be home by 9.30. Then I decided I would try it too, got hooked, and now play way more than him 😂

So he has one day off in the week he can play golf - do you work full time or do you also get a day where you can go off and do a hobby in the week?

He’s being completely out of order to only be spending two days a month on family time. Especially when he gets his hobby time during the week each week!

A couple of posters have said ‘be equally as busy at the weekend’ which I can do, but it kind of defeats the family time that I'm talking about if you see what I mean.

If I go off and see friends or go shopping or have a spa day, great, lovely, but I don't want to do that twice a month. I want to be with my family, building memories before he is a stroppy teenager and doesn't want to be with his mum. DH and clearly just see that very differently. He always says “my relationship with DS is fine” and will not have anything said to the contrary.

DH is now in a strop with me because I was annoyed he has signed up to a tournament which is going to take up quite a few summery Sundays over the next 2 months. He has a 4 day golf weekend in July too.

@GreyEyedWitch

He's really selfish considering that he already gets to play golf in the week. Could there be a compromise of DH taking DS for a game once a month?

That’s a really good shout as well! Why doesn’t he involve his son at least some of the time or take up another activity they could both do together. Doesn’t he want to spend time bonding with his own son? How is he generally with parenting? You spend this quality time with your son - when does your son get to have QT with dad?

My fiancé likes to play golf, he tried to tee off early at 7am so he’s back before dinnertime. We are expecting a child in September and I think him still going off to golf will be good for him to de-stress! I’ll be able to do my own thing too and we both like watching and attending rugby games together so we don’t do bad for spendinf quality time together. It’s all about balance really!

My H plays golf every Saturday and 2/3 evenings in the week now evenings are lighter. He leaves at 4ish and gets back at 8ish Saturdays he’s gone at 9am and not back until 5pm. Sundays he has a lie in til noon then sometimes goes out again.
If we are lucky we get maybe one afternoon a month as a family. I no longer care.

Is it the same if your husband is in to going to football matches,
My husband has a season ticket so goes to all home matches (or went pre-Covid!) and that is basically two hours a week every fortnight. This sounds a lot more time-consuming and I would not be happy!

So he prioritises golf over you and DS. He’s annoyed at you?? What a twat.

Play DH the song called ‘Cat’s In The Cradle’

The weekday game and the four weekends seems reasonable, the rest not. Bad enough if you notice, even worse his DS does too.

My DH plays golf. He cut back when we had kids. He prob does it once a month with his mates and tries to keep it to a Friday anyway. Maybe one or two weekends away with them a year. Weekends are for family. On Sundays his takes our son and daughter to golf lessons. He is looking forward when they can all play together. Tell him to get his priorities straight. I would seriously put my foot down on this one. He needs to take a long hard look at himself.

He is being unfair. Its shit to just leave you to do all the parenting. Ok I get that he cant help that he works on the weekend but that means his job is already impacting on family time and his hobby significantly impacts on family time.

The facts are
He spends more than 50pc of family time on his hobby
Every time he does this you are the sole parent
If you did the same then you literally wouldn't have any family time at all and would effectively be tag team parenting similar to if you'd split up. This effectively forces you to choose between the two scenarios which is a choice he doesn't have to make
He gets a whole day a week to do his hobby, plus weekends away, plus a day every other weekend. That's much more than most parents of young school age children get to spend on their hobby
Sadly he seems fine only seeing his child one day every other weekend.

How much does he see him and interact in the week? Eg is he around early evenings to help with homework, do pick ups etc.

You've spoken to him and he basically doesn't care. So I think the only options are a. Accept it or b. Leave. Unless he spends a lot of time with his son after school etc in the week I'm not sure that it will impact your son much if you leave.