My husband playing golf at the weekend pisses me off

[MrsTumbletap]

Just looking for opinions and thoughts on this issue as I know a lot of women on here have partners that play golf or even play golf themselves.

DH didn't play golf when we got together he took up this hobby a few years ago. He plays in week on his day off when I'm at work, DS is at school, fine, no issue with that.

DH also works 1 day every weekend, so me and DS spend a lot of time together just us, which is lovely, but he does say a lot “Daddy is always at golf, why does he go so much?” And I'm always trying to explain that he wants his own time etc. We have 4 days a month as a family. He likes to play golf on two of those.

Then chuck in the 4 day golf weekends a couple of times a year and it feels like he is taking the piss.

AIBU to moan a bit that he isn't around that much as a dad and part of the family? That he is missing the memories of when kids are little and fun?

Is it the same if your husband is in to going to football matches, or going to the gym 4 times a week, or fishing etc?

I have my own hobbies, my own friends, I'm busy, I'm happy, but the days a month where we are all off school and work to me seem like we should be together.

Golf one sunday a month would be fine but every other? It just seems like he is shirking his parental responsibilities, he thinks aibu and I shoul be fine with it.

I need wider opinions.

He really is an unmitigated shit, isn’t he?

Having a hobby is fine. He is taking the piss.

It is massively controlling to expect you to always be available to look after DS when he goes golfing. So, so entitled, as well.

Tell him he needs to sort out a baby-sitter for all future golfing outings, as you’re done with being the taken-for-granted free babysitter.

And that the resentment he’s caused is building up to unsustainable levels for you.

I love the spectrum from one Sunday a month - completely fine, 2 sundays a month - Shirking all parental responsibility.
What does he say when you speak to him about it? And do you have a similar time to do your own things?

Mine plays both days at the weekend and evenings in the week, plus he has weekends away.

Doesn’t bother me at all, BUT, our kids are adults so I’m not stuck at home childminding. I’m off doing my own thing.

What does piss me off is when it’s too wet to play or deep winter and he’s bored and he’ll ask “ what would you like to do today?” And then looks offended when I’ve made arrangements. That really boils my blood.

And do you have a similar time to do your own things?

Of course she doesn't. There isn't time. And if she tried, they'd never see each other.

@MrBrightside324

I love the spectrum from one Sunday a month - completely fine, 2 sundays a month - Shirking all parental responsibility. What does he say when you speak to him about it? And do you have a similar time to do your own things?

Perhaps try reading the thread, or at least just the OP's posts. You'll find your questions have already been answered.

Also, given that the OP's husband only has one day in the weekend free each month, two Sundays a month is 50% of the time they can spend together as a family. That's why people are so unimpressed.

This comes on top of the fact that he also plays mid-week when he has another day off work.

your problem isn’t golf. Your problem is that your husband is a selfish arsehole of a husband and a poor apology for a father.

This.

My ex was like this with football - played it twice a week and had a season ticket which saw him out the house from 1pm - 6pm every other week. When he wasnt playing it, he was watching it. And for him it was non-negotiable. I thought it would be different when DS came along, but no... this just led to exDP claiming he needed a break and off he went.

Current DP goes fishing - only once the kids have gone back to his Exes. And sometimes when DS is with my Ex, I go fishing too... if the weather is nice... I have no interest in it, but its nice to sit by the lake with a book

As others have said Having a hobby and some me time is fine. But that has to be reciprocal and I agree it's the expectation that you will always be available to look after the DC. Is he really appreciative or do you feel taken-for-granted?

I agree that the resentment can build up to unsustainable levels - but that's really tricky if you don't actually want to bigger off all the time but want the family time.

I had this issue in my marriage substituting golf for cycling- so he went off normally only one day at weekends and several weekends a year. I did all the children's things, including as they got older chauffeuring them to weekend sports activities and parties etc, He always said the driving tired him and he got very irritated at the hanging around waiting for children's activities to finish- so eventually I did them.

It used to wind me up that he'd just assume I'd be doing childcare 7 days a week yet on the rare occasions I did stuff I had to book his presence.
We are divorcing now, but the parenting weekend responsibility was only one factor. Interestingly with the new gf he has almost stopped cycling and as she does drive, chauffeurs her to her work and hangs around waiting for her!

she doesn't drive I meant.

It's awful but I think a lot of people are less 'parental' and merely have children because it's the done thing or because they like the idea more than the practicalities of it. I see this behaviour sadly in a majority of my colleagues who volunteer or actively seek out hobbies that are time consuming and require them to be away from home so they don't have to spend all weekend with their family.

Why can’t he take your son sometimes?

Yes, would piss me off too.

@RuthW

My exdh was similar at the weekend but not with golf. When he left and dd was 8 she said that she was glad daddy had gone as she now saw him more!

Oh yes and this..DD 12 also says that she spends much more time with Daddy now he can't cycle because he has some care every other weekend.

My dd was the same, she's got a dark better relationship with her df since he left than she ever had.

far

He's being really unreasonable and it must hurt to know your husband isn't bothered about spending time with you or his son. My DH is far from perfect but when our children came along he pretty much stopped playing golf (and he was a 3 handicap). I remember someone asking him at a social event how his golf was going and he said "Oh I hardly play these days". When he was asked why that was he said "It's not fair on Tilt, and anyway we like to do other stuff at the weekends now". And that is why we've been married for 35 years.

I couldn't and wouldn't accept being treated so poorly. If he doesn't want to put any effort into family life, well he doesn't deserve a family.