My husband playing golf at the weekend pisses me off

[MrsTumbletap]

Just looking for opinions and thoughts on this issue as I know a lot of women on here have partners that play golf or even play golf themselves.

DH didn't play golf when we got together he took up this hobby a few years ago. He plays in week on his day off when I'm at work, DS is at school, fine, no issue with that.

DH also works 1 day every weekend, so me and DS spend a lot of time together just us, which is lovely, but he does say a lot “Daddy is always at golf, why does he go so much?” And I'm always trying to explain that he wants his own time etc. We have 4 days a month as a family. He likes to play golf on two of those.

Then chuck in the 4 day golf weekends a couple of times a year and it feels like he is taking the piss.

AIBU to moan a bit that he isn't around that much as a dad and part of the family? That he is missing the memories of when kids are little and fun?

Is it the same if your husband is in to going to football matches, or going to the gym 4 times a week, or fishing etc?

I have my own hobbies, my own friends, I'm busy, I'm happy, but the days a month where we are all off school and work to me seem like we should be together.

Golf one sunday a month would be fine but every other? It just seems like he is shirking his parental responsibilities, he thinks aibu and I shoul be fine with it.

I need wider opinions.

@Whoarethewho

Yabu nothing wrong with having a sport hobby and if it is golf it needs a few hours which means some weekend time too. I go every week to football which takes from 1-6pm every Saturday so probably the same length of time as golf. I cannot imagine giving that up and would not have children if it did.

What a wildly annoying chunk of EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. How on earth do you go away and travel etc?

There’s a saying, ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them.’ Your husband is telling you loud and clear he prefers golfing with mates to spending time with you and your son.

You have to assume that won’t change. He may regret it when his son his older but there isn’t anything you can do about that. I would focus on building my own relationship with my son, and trying to figure out if a part time husband is enough for me.

What would happen if you wanted to go out with friends on a Sunday he usually plays golf, would he stay at home at be a parent to DS or tell you to sort childcare?

How much time does he spend with DS during the week? Does he sort out the chores on the day he doesn’t work during the week, do the school run etc?

Doesn't sound like he'll change until it's too late. I had similar with H - not a hobby hut an extra job but it was drawn out to take all day when it didn't need to.

AS a result DS and I were on our own at weekends/ bank holidays and he spent much more time with my single parent friends and their kids than his own dad.

Oddly the extra job was given up once the weekends weren't so difficult with a small child but H has missed out. DS and I reminisce about various events with x friend and he can't join in as he wasn't there. Oh and when he was there he was 'too tired' to do stuff. It is his loss although I didn't think that aT the time on a cold and wet Saturday down the swing park with a toddler!

I do the ink you should lower your expectations and his attitude about helping you is awful. I'd nip that in the bud. My advice is don't have any Lee kids, and make huge life with DS. Once he's older he just won't be interested in his father and at that point he may realise what he's lost out on.

He sounds awful and his tantrum, yuck. He needs to grow up.
You're not going to change him so tell him to go play golf, play as much as he wants, toodle pip, cheerio.
In the meantime, build your life without him. Gradually, like some posters here, you'll stop caring. And it will be his loss. Your son will be fine. But, one day, he'll stop caring, too. He'll always have you, though, and he'll remember who spent precious time with him. That will be your reward.

I've been here too.Dh used to work 6 days a week then watch football or the grand prix slap bang in the middle of Sunday and refused to record it.Occasionally we got a family day out.He and d's are not close now.
Dh then took up more golf only once or twice a month but used his holidays to go away and play too.
I can't tell you how he has chosen it over me/us.
It has chipped away at the relationship as I know where his priorities lie.

Some of these stories are very sad. I do wonder why some men marry and have children.

wtf is he on about whats shopping go to do with anything thats a chore not a jolly

tell him to get lost you shouldnt be trying to compromise hes being a twat

but you are never ever allowed to ask for me to help with DS if you ever want to go shopping. It's all or nothing”

How very telling that he uses the word ‘help’. It’s his child.

When our DC were little, my husband had a real go at me one weekend because we had done the shopping, ferried this kids around, etc. Apparently he hadn't been asked what he wanted to do that weekend and we'd spent it doing 'my' things.

He honestly thought that food shopping, and other chores were my hobbies, and a weekend spent doing them was the same as him getting a weekend to go ccycling. It was a light bulb moment for me and we had a pretty depressing conversation about it.

Eurgh my EX was like this, he would work two weekend's a month and the other two he would either sit on his arse on his playstation or f*k off to golf, he could never be arsed to get up early to come out with me and the kid's but to go to golf was up and out like a shot. We lived seperate lives and needles to say i got fed up with it and kicked him out

His attitude is horrible - to do this first of all, but then to threaten reprisals if you would like some reciprocal time for yourself

When your son is older, use the time husband is away to have an affair. He fucking deserves it, and so do you.

YANBU, golf was one of the main reasons my in-laws got divorced. (That and he was shagging half the golf club wives)

My DH always knew his dad would rather play golf than spend time with him, so sad.

He's a horrible selfish pig!
How can people not want to spend time with their families? Why don't they get sad that they're missing out.
I don't mean people shouldn't do their own thing or have hobbies, I think that's important but not to the extent that it totally pushes out their partner and children.

So he only spends 2 full days a month with his son?

I think that’s how I’d put it to him. My bil does this, it would drive me nuts. He’s tried really hard to get his late teen ds to join him, but he is completely disinterested.

Not read the whole thread yet, I'll go back and do it.

I did laugh at the few comments I read about golfers being boring and unsexy, I disagree. My DH plays and he's great and I find his golf friends a really nice bunch of blokes.

However, I do think OP's is taking the piss.

Weekends, unless he tees off at 7:30 he just plays the front or back nine, can then play full 18 weekdays.

I love it when my DH plays golf, I have quiet time at home to do as I please (usually drink gin/eat chocolate/read all cuddled up with the dog). He was supposed to play yesterday but cancelled because of the rain. I was .

I should add that our DS is grown up now, when he was little DH would pull his weight with spending time with DS and/or helping with house chores.

@TartanPunk I agree, a huge difference between having small children vs children who amuse themselves on the weekends. OP's DH is dipping out on family time and leaving OP to provide all the childcare.

Most people accept that having small children = less free time/hobbies etc.

Some men are so selfish and immature they carry on as if they aren't fathers

"He stroppily said earlier “fine I will never play golf at the weekend ever again, but you are never ever allowed to ask for me to help with DS if you ever want to go shopping. It's all or nothing”.

What. A. Wanker.

"You are never ever allowed to ask me for help with DS if you ever want to go shopping"

He's his son ffs!! His attitude towards him "helping you" with ya know, parenting his son, plus the fact he's thrown a strop and delivered an ultimatum ("all or nothing", who does he think he is ) is vile.

He needs to start playing early on weekends, 7am tee time at the latest so he can be done by 11am if he insists on playing a full 18. He could also do with starting to teach your son, 6 is a good age to start. But with his attitude, doubt it will be easy to change his mind. His loss.

My late Husband uses to play golf at the weekends when our two children were young, and in the week, he used to play badminton, and tennis in the Summer.he sometimes took the children to the badminton,which they liked for a while,and these things never bothered me at all, as long as they didn't ask me to go. ! I used to do some landscaping in my garden,and for two neighbours too, so all nice and peaceful for me.

That's terribly sad, that he can't see that his relationship with his child is more important than a game he enjoys. There will be time for obsessing over golf, when his child is older, off with his friends, focusing on studies, then out of the house forever.

He may not see it, but he's undeniably missing out on memories he'll never get back, and worse, his son is learning that his father would rather golf than spend time as a family. He's selfishly, foolishly prioritising golf over his family's long-term happiness.

@1forAll74 who looked after your small children while you were landscaping multiple gardens? It sounds like your children were older if you were able to do this.

The OP isn't getting leisure time and her DH is expecting her to facilitate him getting large amounts of leisure time without question.

If all parties are happy that's fine, but the Op isn't so one would expect her DH to give a damn and have a sensible discussion about how to make sure everyone has a chance for family time and individual hobbies, not just him.

My husband is a cricket player well a hobby now , a cricket game can last up to 10 hours , he played before our son comes along but now always chooses to do things with our boy and me over cricket I never asked him to and on the odd time he does go I never make him feel bad like Sunday there we went over and watched him for a bit and he came off for lunch and ran about after our son the whole hour and as soon as he got home he got upset at how much he missed our boy that day , I’m very lucky in that sense I suppose why I’m saying this isn’t to make you feel bad and I’m sorry if it did (big hugs ) I just think if a man truly wants to be there he will , you shouldn’t be left to feel this way neither should the kids , but the sounds of it your fine with him having his hobby but now it’s effecting the kids your wanting to draw a line and that’s totally fair ... don’t back down you got this xx