To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

151 replies

Confrontayshunme · 14/05/2021 16:18

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:

LoveLifeBeHappy · 02/12/2024 23:04

WrongWayApricot · 15/05/2021 02:23

Feminism isn't about equality, it's about female liberation, sorry for the pedantry. Most women can't orgasm from penetration alone. Most men can orgasm from penetration alone. This leads to a disparity in the frequency of orgasms between men and women and a lot of the time overall enjoyment and pleasure. A lot of sex toys aimed at women are to help them find sex with a man more enjoyable. One could say this is quite feminist in that it allows women to have orgasms with their partners where they wouldn't have been able to before. Sex toys also help women explore their bodies and sexuality in a society that sees them as not deserving of bodily autonomy and sexual pleasure. On the other hand, society pushes men the other way, encouraging them to be in control and find sexual enjoyment.

Therefore, I think it's natural, as a woman, to feel negatively towards items like fleshlights. We know that sex is often unfair already. Sex toys are seen as liberation from sexual dissatisfaction for women in heterosexual relationships. To have another product that encourages a man to seek sexual gratification without his partner is saddening. The toy for you isn't really for you, it's for the relationship. The toy for him is really all for him. You can hold it for him or use toys at the same time watching each other or helping each other but that's about it. The sex toy for you was bringing you closer together, the toy for him is creating distance. It's fine to feel a bit miffed about it. YANBU

What a load of rubbish.

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