To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

[Confrontayshunme]

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

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Are you from a more middle class background than him?

Of course YABU, obviously. And hypocritical. And sexist. And controlling.

But, given the fact that you are female and MN is the home of double standards, plenty of people will tell you otherwise.

[quote 24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]@Siepie someone had to mould it, right?!

Speaking of- why don’t you get one of those mould your own fleshlight kits? Then you DH has a fleshlight replicate of your vagina.

It’s a win-win![/quote]
I think you mean "wing-wing"

@MrMucker

I like your style

YABU

YANBU. I wouldn't be attracted to a man who would use a fleshlight, there's just something weird about it.

Why are they called flesh lights ?

@UneAstuce

Why are they called flesh lights ?

Because they look a bit like flashlights, the American term for a battery-powered torch.

@Confrontayshunme

He is very pro orgasm for both of us, but I can't decide whether my feminism lies on the side of equal opportunity orgasms for both sexes or whether fleshlight toys (and sex dolls, as mentioned above) are still pretty creepy and exploitative.

What do you think feminism is?

I'm with OP here.

I'm guessing that the shared toys are not phallic looking?

Once a bloke is done, he's done & you'll do well to keep him interested, let alone awake if it's late.

I'm also grossed out by the thought of the fleshlight, given that a bloke is a one trip pony when it comes to ejaculation.

Incidently, when I was clearing out my belongings from the house I shared with my now exH, I found one in a draw..... Before we broke up, he wouldn't come near me....

Sexist, controlling, unreasonable - the lot.
You cannot dictate to him what toys he uses, when you use whatever you like.
He has a hand for that? So do you.
This is such a double standard.

YABU and a complete hypocrite

What is the toy op? Is it a vibrator/dildo?

also the cleanup isn’t really that bad, you just take the electronics off and throw the rest in the dishwasher 🤷🏼‍♀️

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

also the cleanup isn’t really that bad, you just take the electronics off and throw the rest in the dishwasher 🤷🏼‍♀️

This. Then maybe sit on the dishwasher too and you're living your best life.

[quote 24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]@Tiktokersmiracle spills the beans then? Me and DP have been looking for something new and your descriptions sounds exactly what we need 😂[/quote]
OK
Cock ring, with a little holder for a tiny vibrator

Changed our sex life

Although, I give you a cautionary tale. Make sure you don't have any allergies

DP bought me quite the impressive vibrator for my 30th birthday. Only, he didn't check the packaging. It was made with latex. I'm allergic to latex.
That was fun

I don't think a vibrator for women and a flashlight on the same wavelength. Many women need the help of a toy to orgasm as the female orgasm is usually harder to achieve than mens'. I do find that type of male masturbator a bit tragic and creepy. A vibrator's sensations can't be replicated naturally, whereas a flesh light is a poor imitation of a vagina.

[quote 24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed]@Siepie someone had to mould it, right?!

Speaking of- why don’t you get one of those mould your own fleshlight kits? Then you DH has a fleshlight replicate of your vagina.

It’s a win-win![/quote]
Why is that exploitative?

These women arent being forced (most a famous professional sex workers who launch their own lines or get hire by manufacturers) they choose to do it and get paid for and its entirely their right to sell moulds of their body if they choose.

@cookiecreampie

I don't think a vibrator for women and a flashlight on the same wavelength. Many women need the help of a toy to orgasm as the female orgasm is usually harder to achieve than mens'. I do find that type of male masturbator a bit tragic and creepy. A vibrator's sensations can't be replicated naturally, whereas a flesh light is a poor imitation of a vagina.

Woman actually have more easily accessed capacity to orgasm than men.

Also people assume male orgasm is ejaculation, its not they are two seperate things (thats why in lingam tantra men rarely ejaculate) and most men do not reach proper orgasm the same as women dont (which comes from the prostate or the G-spot not the nerve ending in the penis head/clitorus).

It sound like you have a very false understanding of how different parts of the sexual anatomy works and how different sexes experiance things.

Having a Tenga egg is very different from a realistically moulded fleshlight designed to look like a vagina/mouth/anus.

Same as a rabbit vibrator is very different to a life like penis vibrator.

I don’t like realistic looking toys.

Would hate a DP to have a realistic flesh light but have happily bought tenga eggs, vibrating rings etc for DPs in the past.

Is it the realistic nature of it Op? If so suggest a tenga egg or penis rings/vibrating rings to add an interesting sensation for him.

YANBU, but only about Fleshlights specifically. Forget about covid-19. I reckon humans will be wiped out by a bacterial infection brewed in an inadequately cleaned Fleshlight.

There's other options, e.g. Cobra Libras, basically vibrators designed for cocks.

This is ridiculous. OP may have a bad experience that means she sees her husband using a sex toy as something that makes her feel self conscious about her own body. Or that he may prefer the flashlight. Don’t be so rude!!

Flesh light

Taking aside wether or not you abu. But I can't think of a bigger turn off than a man shagging a plastic vagina The idea of walking in on it aswell Lol

I don't think I'd like DP using a flesh light, it's the shape I'd be okay with other toys.