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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

151 replies

Confrontayshunme · 14/05/2021 16:18

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

OP posts:
Serpenta · 14/05/2021 16:48

So very unreasonable. Broaden your mind.

And who cares if the cleanup is gross as long as he's the one cleaning it.

FloraFauna27 · 14/05/2021 16:48

I wish people would stop calling them TOYS. Toys are for children. These are sex aids or whatever. It makes me feel ill.

As an aside, I have never ever known a woman to say they are a ‘fan of feminism’. Is it a full moon tonight?

BettyUnderswoob · 14/05/2021 16:49

VABVU

and he has hands for that

Yeah, so do YOU!

edwinbear · 14/05/2021 16:49

YABU. You have hands too I imagine OP?

Serpenta · 14/05/2021 16:51

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

This bit is weird. And what teen/adult daughter wants to know about her mother's sex toys?!?!

'The Simpsons at No.32 have had a new alarm fitted. Oh and your Auntie Jane got a lovely new rain mac at John Lewis. And did I tell you about my massive new dildo, darling? Oh it's a whopper'

vom

whippitwoowoo · 14/05/2021 16:51

Anyone else curious as to what @Tiktokersmiracle bought for her dp?

Toys have made my sex life so much better since I became peri menopausal. I always think it’s a bit unfair that I get the fun.
I know my dh enjoys it but I can’t return the favour as such.

hotpatooties1 · 14/05/2021 16:52

YABU. How is the clean up any more 'gross' to you than if he ejaculates inside you? You sound selfish.

MsHedgehog · 14/05/2021 16:52

@whippitwoowoo

Anyone else curious as to what *@Tiktokersmiracle* bought for her dp?

Toys have made my sex life so much better since I became peri menopausal. I always think it’s a bit unfair that I get the fun.
I know my dh enjoys it but I can’t return the favour as such.

100%!
HelloitsMsP · 14/05/2021 16:53

Off course YABU and I am surprised you have so many supporters.
You can think what you like but to impose rules on him, which you are not willing to following is ridiculous.
You are coming over controlling and manipulative.

How would you feel if he said the same things as you, how unfair and abusive would you feel it was, and do you think any of those ppl supporting you would support him?

OhTheIronyOfItAll · 14/05/2021 16:53

On the off chance this is real.
YABVU.

I bought DH a toy when I order myself one from love honey. Why are toys just for women?

Meowchickameowmeow · 14/05/2021 16:54

Goose, gander, sauce etc.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 14/05/2021 16:55

YABU because unless it affects your sex life (or in general) it's none of your business what he does with himself. You definitely can't demand what he can have/do or not.

H2OConnoisseur · 14/05/2021 16:57

@FloraFauna27

I wish people would stop calling them TOYS. Toys are for children. These are sex aids or whatever. It makes me feel ill.

As an aside, I have never ever known a woman to say they are a ‘fan of feminism’. Is it a full moon tonight?

You're wrong. According to the Cambridge dictionary:

Toy
Noun

1.^^ An object for children to play with

  1. An object that is used by an adult for pleasure rather than for serious use
^His latest toy is an underwater camera. She has several executive toys on her desk. ^ dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/toy?q=Toy
listsandbudgets · 14/05/2021 16:58

Why shouldn't he have a sex toy? How hypocritical.

Let him do his own cleaning up though OP - his toy, his mess...

You can have his and hers Friday night play sessions - date nights seem to be a distant memory with everything having been shut for so long may as well find some other form of entertainment Grin

Tiktokersmiracle · 14/05/2021 17:00

@whippitwoowoo

Anyone else curious as to what *@Tiktokersmiracle* bought for her dp?

Toys have made my sex life so much better since I became peri menopausal. I always think it’s a bit unfair that I get the fun.
I know my dh enjoys it but I can’t return the favour as such.

Ring-a-ding-ding Wink

He no longer cocks about I can tell you

littlepattilou · 14/05/2021 17:03

@Confrontayshunme

YABU obviously. Why should you get all the fun and pleasure? Hmm

Very one-sided and selfish of you.

Monkeytapper · 14/05/2021 17:07

What have your DD’s got to do with it?

MindtheBelleek · 14/05/2021 17:08

As an aside, I have never ever known a woman to say they are a ‘fan of feminism’. Is it a full moon tonight?

Yes, that is deeply odd.

Poppins2016 · 14/05/2021 17:09

@Flugbusters4444

My friends and I were discussing this recently actually!

The knee jerk is to feel grossed out by a man masturbating with a fake vagina, but then why is owning what is essentially a fake penis not seen as gross?

Vibrators, I guess thats a different thing and as you say, it's used by you both really.

But if you don't find dildos gross then it's unfair to find a fake vagina gross imho

I feel exactly the same. I find the idea of a fleshlight or similar rather gross and 'unnecessary' and yet... that thought just seems ridiculous when I don't mind owning a vibrator/fake penis!

When I dig down into it (and I'm just thinking out loud here), I think my view is possibly biased by:
a) the idea of the clean up (which I wouldn't have to deal with anyway, not my hypothetical toy!)
b) the notion that women are 'used' by men often enough as it is (I'm generalising here but e.g. porn, bad sex where the man only focuses on his own satisfaction, etc), why should they get an extra tool based on a woman when they use us enough as it is?!

But for balance:
a) cleaning up any sex toy is pretty gross (some more than others)
b) if women are happy to use fake penises why shouldn't men use fake vaginas

NeedCoffeeToSurvive · 14/05/2021 17:09

Let the bloke have a silicone vagina if he wants one!

Cuntryhouse · 14/05/2021 17:10

Fellow hypocrite here!! It feels sleazy. I know that's wrong.

Poppins2016 · 14/05/2021 17:12

P.s. for full disclosure, DH and I both use sex toys on our own and together... but he doesn't own a fleshlight so I've not had to think about it before!

littlepattilou · 14/05/2021 17:12

Nah

littlepattilou · 14/05/2021 17:13

Nah.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/05/2021 17:13

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

Get him a fine selection of prostate massagers and see what he reckons to that. 😫😫😫