To not want DH to have a sex toy when I have one?

[Confrontayshunme]

DH recently bought me a new sex toy, which I appreciate. He mentioned in passing that he would like one and said the company emailed him an ad with male sleeve/fleshlight type toys. I don't know why, but I really don't want him to have one of these. He and I were both a bit surprised, as I am a big fan of feminism and generally favour all things being equal.

I guess I think that we use "my" toy together so I can achieve orgasm, but his would be just for him (and he has hands for that). Also, the cleanup for them seems...gross.

I wouldn't mind terribly if my DDs were teenage/adult women and knew I had toys, but I definitely don't feel the same about a silicone vagina/ass. Boak.

AIBU?

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@EverythingWasGolden

You’re telling me you don’t have an 11 inch self ejaculating vein boi’ in your sock drawer?

Most women dont actually fake penetration with a big dildo when they wank surely?

@Branleuse

i would find it pretty gross. I dont think its the same as a vibrator for clitoral stimulation. If you bought yourself a fucking-machine for solo use then he might feel a bit put out too. Obviously its up to him though

You do know you can get vibrators that are penis sized and shaped and that thrust?

@sammylady37
Don’t forget the one that ejaculate!
And the alien dildos where you can implant yourself with an alien egg.. and then subsequently birth it.

Yes of course @sammylady37 I guess if thats the type OP has got then would make it more hypocritical than if shes just got something that vibrates.

If it's one designed to look like a body part, I can see why your gut reaction is nope, but there are masturbation sleeves that are plain clear or opaque tubes with textures. If the sleeve part feels weird, there are Tenga eggs and similar which are much shorter.

Some find they just add something fun & different or make handjobs easier/a bit different.

I had to google this lol but if you have one he should too

You’re telling me you don’t have an 11 inch self ejaculating vein boi’ in your sock drawer?

Of course not! 11 inches would take up far too much of my sock space. It's in DHs drawer.

I'm not keen on the fanny in a can looking ones either to be honest.

Then again, I also don't like the flesh coloured dildos and vibrators with veins and stuff.

Sex dolls utterly creep me out.

I suppose it's basically that I don't like anatomical flesh coloured stuff.

I prefer unrealistic looking sex toys.

If that's your problem too, there's got to be something for him that doesn't look like a body part. You are only looking for the stimulation they provide anyway. It's not like these things are purchased for their aesthetic value.

If he only wanted one that looked like a vagina or ass though, I might be a bit perturbed.

WTF does this have to do with feminism?

Obviously YABU. You have your hand too you know. Very unfair

You don't have to get ones that look like replica vaginas. Look up the 'Tenga' brand on Lovehoney.

Maybe better to think of the vibe as a "sex aid" rather than "sex toy" since you're using the vibe to aid the experience for both of you?!

But yes you can and should use it solo whenever you want!

Yabu! Masturbation is healthy and normal and I’m a firm believer in fairness in a relationship. If you don’t want him to have one, you should get rid of yours

I see where you're coming from unless the toy you've got is a realistic penis type one then YABU. A lot of female toys have vibrations and that cant be replicated by a person. But if he is getting one that looks and feels like a vagina then I can see why youd feel odd about it, unless maybe he spends a lot of time apart from you working away or something. But I'd guess you're unlikely to use a fake vagina together

He is very pro orgasm for both of us, but I can't decide whether my feminism lies on the side of equal opportunity orgasms for both sexes or whether fleshlight toys (and sex dolls, as mentioned above) are still pretty creepy and exploitative.

I agree with you OP. We use vibrators in the same way as you do, warm up for me, he doesn't feel the need for anything other than my orifices and I would feel the same as you if he wanted a fleshlight or similar, rightly or wrongly, which I don't think he would. What about a cock ring or something for more of a shared toy for him?

I feel like you're pretending it's about feminism and exploitation when clearly you just don't like the idea of him using the toy.

And thanks for the advice regarding non fanny shaped sleeve things! That is definitely a decent compromise.

To be honest, I haven't purchased any toys in years (all his doing) so wouldn't know what the market is.

We both have toys, and we used them both together I have an image of you both leaving the toys to it and going off for a cup of tea 🤣

I think you're a bit U OP but I can appreciate why you feel the way you do.

I find you views increadibly sexist, selfish and unreasonable tbh but then I bought my DH one without him ever asking.

Why should sex toys and solo pleasure only be allowed for women?

If he can just use his hand then why cant you?

Why is a fake vagina grosser than a fake dick? (honestly some dildos I have seen are ridiculous not to mention the insanely exagerated and impossible to live up to sex standard they set where as vaginas are usually pretty realistic and 'normal')

Why is it ok for your daughters to know you stick a silicone vibrating dick in your vagina for pleasure ok but disgusting that their dad would want to use a silicone sleeve for pleasure?

If your using the feminist angle or morallity then isnt the concept of female sex toys bad as they where invented as medical devices and used on women against their will historically?

I just dont get your view point at all.

@ElderMillennial

I feel like you're pretending it's about feminism and exploitation when clearly you just don't like the idea of him using the toy.

Sorry OP - I think this is the point.

My DH has toys. We use them together too, they’re really quite fun. Just have a bottle of wine and play with them together. But I also use mine alone sometimes.

If you read your own post and reversed the genders, what would you tell the OP? X

@Confrontayshunme

He is very pro orgasm for both of us, but I can't decide whether my feminism lies on the side of equal opportunity orgasms for both sexes or whether fleshlight toys (and sex dolls, as mentioned above) are still pretty creepy and exploitative.

Who's being exploited by your DH using a fleshlight?

YABU but I get you. The idea of a flesh light squicks me out. Logically of course there is no reason to - but it does.

I don’t think I’d voice this to DH though, for all the reasons stated above. It is sexist and ridiculous.

@Siepie someone had to mould it, right?!

Speaking of- why don’t you get one of those mould your own fleshlight kits? Then you DH has a fleshlight replicate of your vagina.

It’s a win-win!