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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

250 replies

Rosebell100 · 13/05/2021 12:55

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LuaDipa · 13/05/2021 21:53

@LoudestCat14

My DP found out he'd got to the top of the season ticket list (after a 10-year wait) the same week we found out I was pregnant! I didn't want him to miss out, so we agreed some compromises that included not spending hours in the pub either side of the game and that he looked after DC on Sat morning before he went so I had some time to myself. Decade on and it still works well, only now he takes DC out for brunch first! So maybe it could work if you laid out some ground rules too, OP?
This sounds like a lovely compromise.

I’m torn because I absolutely would not like this, but then I very deliberately stayed away from football obsessed men. You married him knowing that he loved football and had a season ticket so I think you may have to allow a little bit more leeway.

One of my previous boyfriends was a season ticket holder. He would not miss a match for anything and joked that if we got married we would have to plan the wedding out of season. I also once made the mistake of saying ‘never mind, it’s just a game’ when they lost and he looked at me as though I had slapped him. He was early thirties (significantly older than me) and I decided there and then that if he hadn’t grown out of this now he never would so I needed to move on. My dh (who I met after football crazy ex) likes his team, goes to matches sometimes, has even taken the kids, but wouldn’t commit to a season ticket as ‘he has a life’. My hero.Grin

RedHelenB · 13/05/2021 21:55

Could he take your son with him?

Neonprint · 13/05/2021 21:57

@Aprilwasverywet

Personally I love having my dc alone!! Why don't you op?
Aren't you fucking great, here's your special star Star
Wearywithteens · 13/05/2021 22:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Mistressinthetulips · 13/05/2021 22:15

but you do realise the five minutes here, five minutes there add up
What do they add up to, motherland? A trip to the cinema? Training for a half marathon? My point is they are things you do while doing something else or waiting for something else, and while minding someone. If you chose not to do that it wouldn't magically mean there was time for a different hobby.
OP needs to prepare not only for half their Saturdays in football season being spent alone, but having the dates when she gets to have her "hobby" time or indeed family time entirely fixed. She might not mind with a lo, but with one with a sports club or a series of birthday parties to attend it gets a bit more irritating. And always the sense that your free time comes second to the one with the season ticket.

hermionieweasley · 13/05/2021 22:18

I haven't rtft, by my DH is a season ticket holder. He goes to a few of the important games a season, and then on the clubs website you can sell off seats to games you're not attending. The season ticket is expensive but means he has priority to attend the matches he wants to, but certainly doesn't mean he has to be away every single match.

ilovesooty · 13/05/2021 22:24

cool girlz

Tedious.

MerryDecembermas · 13/05/2021 22:29

Cannot abide the apologetic responses on here. The proposal is a total dick move. Nearly half of all Saturdays taken for himself meaning OP is stuck with all housework, meals and childcare.

Not to mention how it feels for OP, to know the man she fell in love with prefers not to spend time with her or his own child.

Utterly ridiculous.

motherloaded · 13/05/2021 22:29

What’s with all cool girlz finding no problem with a partner fucking off most Saturdays to watch a football game leaving his partner to deal with a potentially challenging toddler?

it only took 180 posts before the "cool girlz" nonsense came up!

I'd rather be a "cool girl" than a martyr - and married to a "cool boy" so I can "fuck off" a few Saturdays or Sundays myself to do my own things whilst he deals with his children.

Better for everybody, children included.

Mistressinthetulips · 13/05/2021 22:38

A martyr would be someone who agreed to do something that caused suffering to themselves. Why would someone objecting to this be called a martyr? Confused

Fixitup2 · 13/05/2021 22:40

Would a parent giving up all free time outside of being with their child not be a martyr when it’s unnecessary because their husband is offering them free time to do as they please for the self?

LittleBearPad · 13/05/2021 23:03

Not to mention how it feels for OP, to know the man she fell in love with prefers not to spend time with her or his own child.

Oh get a grip. You’re being ridiculous.

LittleBearPad · 13/05/2021 23:05

A martyr would be someone who agreed to do something that caused suffering to themselves. Why would someone objecting to this be called a martyr?

Because whatever time OP gets in return she say she’ll have to spend cleaning!!! Which is her choice

UrbanRambler · 13/05/2021 23:12

YANBU. If your DH does get a season ticket, it needs to be on the understanding that he cannot attend all matches, otherwise the impact on you and your family life would be too great. Everyone needs downtime, but while you have a demanding toddler it would be very selfish of your DH to spend 23 Saturdays a year pursuing his interest. Also, he is probably well aware that for many reasons you would feel unable (and be unlikely) to spend an equivalent amount of time out of the house, leaving him to parent your toddler alone. In fact he's probably banking on it.

Drunkenmonkey · 13/05/2021 23:26

YANBU he needs to grow up.

Drunkenmonkey · 13/05/2021 23:29

Some people need to look up martyr in the dictionary Grin

HeckyPeck · 13/05/2021 23:44

It sounds like he doesn't see much, if any, of your DS in the week and you do pretty much all the childcare? If so, then he's being massively unfair to then dump you with half of all Saturdays too.

You'd think he'd want to spend time with his kid after barely seeing him all week.

AgeLikeWine · 13/05/2021 23:51

@Wearywithteens

What’s with all cool girlz finding no problem with a partner fucking off most Saturdays to watch a football game leaving his partner to deal with a potentially challenging toddler? Yes, of course a grown adult can do what they like, but morally, as a partner and a father, what he is proposing is utterly selfish and a dick move. The fact that he was ‘football mad’ when you met is irrelevant - there is a time and place for season passes and he needs to grow up and realise it’s not now.
Nonsense.

The point is that both partners are entitled to their own hobbies & interests outside of family life, and that women don’t need to be martyrs if their partners want to go to the football. They should get their own hobbies, and leave their partners to look after the children.

EngelbertsRumpispink · 14/05/2021 01:40

My vote would be for your DH to get his season ticket, and for him to take DS once in a while (not every game) -- maybe about seven or eight (or nine) of the games during the season.

And you go out and do your own thing, a few Saturdays when your DH is home.

Seems like a good compromise.

Pyewackect · 14/05/2021 02:05

So he’s going to enjoy family time every Saturday afternoon at 3 o’clock with a broad smile and a heartfelt “ gosh, this is fun “. As Bill Shankly said, football isn’t a matter of life and death, it’s more important than that.

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 14/05/2021 02:21

@RogerBannister

So 23 matches at 5.5 hours a match - give or take that averages out at about 3 hours a week he wants to go out. If a man posted here complaining because his wife wanted to go out for 3 hours a week you can imagine the absolute outrage that would be directed at him. Why not find yourself something to do for three hours on the other 29 Saturdays a year that he won’t be at a match?
This is a very good way of looking at it. Let him have his season ticket.

I've missed football terribly this year, he's had to miss it for seven years!

ilovesooty · 14/05/2021 06:21

@Pyewackect

So he’s going to enjoy family time every Saturday afternoon at 3 o’clock with a broad smile and a heartfelt “ gosh, this is fun “. As Bill Shankly said, football isn’t a matter of life and death, it’s more important than that.
It's not every Saturday afternoon at 3pm.

Or "half of all Saturdays" as stated above.

Are people still not getting this?

TeeBee · 14/05/2021 06:27

Get your child on the list for a season ticket now (it takes years to move up the queue), then he can join daddy every weekend. Or get both of you on the list.
Until then, make sure you get your child-free time (or family time, whichever you prefer) on the Sunday and get a cleaner.

TeeBee · 14/05/2021 06:29

Actually, depending on the team, it could take ages for your DH to get to the front of the queue for season tickets.

Chickenlickeninthepot · 14/05/2021 07:12

My DH has had a season ticket since he was a child, he goes straight to the match and straight back. The only thing I said no to was the extra cup matches once we had kids. He watches all the other matches on TV but he can do that and mind the kids at the same time.

We always try to give each other a break at the weekend so the football is his break during the season.

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