My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

[Rosebell100]

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

@Aprilwasverywet

Personally I love having my dc alone!! Why don't you op?

🙄

@MiddlesexGirl

12.5% The matches are half the toddlers wake time on half the weekend days for half the year.

The toddler's routine will have changed by he time the season starts. Clutching at straws now.

@Wearywithteens

“Nothing cool about a couple being sensible enough to both manage time alone, time together and running a household. Its called compromise partnership and being and adult.”

Yeah but that’s not was happening is it? He’s basically abandoning his family for half of their family time to watch blokes kick a ball ffs. Get real.

Oh get a grip. He’s not abandoning his family.

@Wearywithteens

“Nothing cool about a couple being sensible enough to both manage time alone, time together and running a household. Its called compromise partnership and being and adult.”

Yeah but that’s not was happening is it? He’s basically abandoning his family for half of their family time to watch blokes kick a ball ffs. Get real.

It’s actually 1/4 of a day on 1/4 of possible weekend days for 2/3rds of the year so no where near half of their family time.

Totally agree LittleBearPad.

WearyWithTeens your maths is way out.

I'd say that YABU, you knew he was a season ticket holder when you met him.

DH and I both got cinema passes pre-DC and I'd had a season ticket since before we met. After having DC2 I couldn't fit in cinema and football so had to let the cinema pass go, but I kept the season ticket and can't wait to get back to being in the ground. We have always worked out plans around the football, he learnt to live with it very early on. :)

We were fortunate enough that he could drop off kids with grandparents some Saturdays and go to the cinema even if I was at football, so I understand it's harder for you if you don't have that option, but there is nothing to stop you taking turns. Or he could take DC out and leave you to watch TV uninterrupted. Whatever you want to do.

I agree with you OP. The only compromise I can see working is that on away days, you get the afternoon to yourself and he spends some quality one on one time with DC and Sundays are kept for family time.

The toddler's routine will have changed by he time the season starts. Clutching at straws now

So the wake time will be longer and the proportion missed will be less. No clutching at straws needed. Still in firm defence of the benefits of hobby/self time!

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

I agree with you OP. The only compromise I can see working is that on away days, you get the afternoon to yourself and he spends some quality one on one time with DC and Sundays are kept for family time.

Which is not far from what the DP had already offered.

Just had a look at a couple of Premier league teams fixtures for the season 2018-2019. As that would have been the last one not affected by Covid. Most teams had less than 10 matches played on a Saturday. A few had some played on a Sunday. Of those played on a Saturday some started at 17:30 or later, The ones on a Sunday often started at 16:00. This gives far more time than people seem to think for family time and me time for the OP.

Gosh so much hate on this one, so he would like to see his team play 20 odd games a year, many if which will fall on mid week evenings rather than just in a weekend, it's really not something to fall out over. As others have said do the housework in the week if you can or get him to pitch in if he doesn't already and do family stuff the rest of the time, he is likely to be at a game prob no more than 12 or so times in a weekend in a whole year.

Glad the majority have voted in agreement with you op.

YANBU.

Embarrassed for posters claiming you're asking him to give up his hobby 😂😂 plenty of people enjoy football without going to 20 games a year, or even one game a year.

Have to say I'd NEVER date an avid football fan. ExH was a fan and would coop himself up to watch games and his rule was "when I'm watching football you HAVE to watch the kids and all be quiet" because football was so very important apparently. I remember having food poisoning and throwing up into the loo as he locked himself in his man cave to watch a Chelsea match. DD was a toddler and banging on the bathroom door and DS was 3 months old and screaming. But he refused to come through and take over because it was an important match couldn't for the life of him see why he should stop watching football

Yes I know, Not All Football Fans but IME the culture of football is "football is life and it's perfectly reasonable for it to come before everything especially family". Look at the fuss bags caused when people schedule weddings on big match days. Football players being criticised for missing games to be by their wife's side as she gives birth. I used to work on a gynae ward and can't tell you the amount of men who'd watch football on their phones as their wives lied on pain or struggled with a baby on the postnatal ward, it even happened when their OH's were in Labour. I'd tell them to get that turned off you're disturbing people/your wife needs you and they acted like I'd gone into their house on Christmas Day and pissed on their kids.

There's something inherently selfish about football culture and the following and i think male football nuts are really, really unattractive.

To me the big issues are that the OP is basically a single parent during the week and DS has SN.

In these circumstances I think the OPs wishes should take priority.

I would revisit how housework is shared as OP sounds like it is all on her and I would be willing to agree to DH going to some of the games but not all.
OP you need to make it an absolute priority to leave the house while DH is looking after DS and do things for yourself. Caring for a toddler with SN on your own is not easy and doing something nice will refresh you. Make a list of things you would like to do and then pick a few of them. If your family and friends tend to have sundays as family days then make sure you get your time on saturdays.

You know the simple answer I'd to get ds a season ticket too and they can enjoy some father son time

I had a season ticket before I met dh. He knew this.
Dd went to her first game at 6weeks. We had a deal that he'd collect her at half time. We did this until she was about 2 and dh changed jobs. He had to work 3 Saturdays out of 4 which, sods law, the match always fell on his free Sat.
In the end I stopped going as as much as I live my team, family came first. So an end to 24yrs of football. I still follow my team and get to the occasional game but my life has moved on and my priorities have changed. Dd is 14 now and sometimes we still go together

If the family are just in the process of moving back to a location near the ground, I assume that means a new house and a lot of upheaval. I would want him to park the idea for a year and do whatever work needs doing on the house at the weekends and give the dc a chance to pass the early toddler stage.
I gained a lot of resentment over how much time I was left alone with the dc while dh went to football. In a straight choice I'm honestly not sure he would choose us over his football team. So I would not suggest others follow my example!

@Aqua55

You know the simple answer I'd to get ds a season ticket too and they can enjoy some father son time

@aqua55 Ds is a 2yo being investigated for autism. It is entirely possible a football match would send him into a complete meltdown. What better idea than a season ticket of football games then!

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

That's nothing to do with football though, and everything to do with your ExH being a complete twat.
Millions of people manage to love following football without being a twat.

Do you like football OP? Could you also go to the games? Making it more of a family activity?

yanbu unless he takes dc with him that should also make him come back quicker after a match

@Aprilwasverywet

Personally I love having my dc alone!! Why don't you op?

This is the most obnoxious comment I have ever seen on mumsnet

@Aqua55

You know the simple answer I'd to get ds a season ticket too and they can enjoy some father son time

It’s not that simple. If the toddler has possible autism then a noisy crowded football field could easily be sensory hell for them.