My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

[Rosebell100]

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

YABU.
My husband has a season ticket and when football was on he managed to go to one match a month. Some games he loaned the ticket to friends to use. Even if it was 2 weekend days in a month, you can still have the same time to yourself doing whatever you want.
I used to take the kids doing what he wouldn't want to do, day trips, going to cinema etc. It's lovely for each of you to have one to one time with your child and guaranteed days to yourself

And maybe "mums" don't count wasting time on MN and other social media as leisure time.. wink
What a ridiculous comparison. We can mumsnet while minding children, cooking dinner, trying to get a child to sleep, breastfeeding. It's a five minute here, five minute there kind of thing. Hardly equivalent to a day out playing golf

He does his thing Saturday you do yours Sunday .. give and take isn’t that what a partnership is? You can’t deny him a hobby anymore than he can deny you a hobby
There’s a new thread on here about a woman whose husband said she can’t have a night away from the home and most of the answers are ltb, but your dilemma is not dissimilar.. one wants to do something the other says no

@Aprilwasverywet

Personally I love having my dc alone!! Why don't you op?

All week and all weekend? When is his lovely parenting time

Op, you’re def not being unreasonable, don’t worry.

People like @Aprilwasverywet can do one ☺️

Is it a premier league team? If so, do the 23 games include cup games (presumably)? There aren’t that many home league games a season.

I have a ST and will be keeping it when my daughter arrives. I will only go to about half the home games, no away games or cup games, and will sell my other tickets. If it’s a premier league team he should be able to sell the ones he doesn’t use.

Don’t forget plenty of the games will not be Saturdays - there will be a bunch on week nights too which is a different issue.

If it’s not a team that sells out it seems more sensible to not buy a ST but to agree he goes eg to one game a month and you get the same free time (unless he needs a ST to sit next to a group/friend, in which case as above).

I think a blanket no is unfair, there should be a compromise.

I think he should go. Its not as if its the whole weekend. Only a few hours and not even every week.

Where is this EVERY WEEKEND for half the year coming from?

@Mistressinthetulips

And maybe "mums" don't count wasting time on MN and other social media as leisure time.. wink What a ridiculous comparison. We can mumsnet while minding children, cooking dinner, trying to get a child to sleep, breastfeeding. It's a five minute here, five minute there kind of thing. Hardly equivalent to a day out playing golf

but you do realise that the "5 minutes here, 5 minutes there" add up?

Why can't he take the child with him and you both get to do something at the same time ?

Yes five minutes here and there add up but im still watching my kids im even talking to them

I think it’s fair enough for your DH to have a season ticket
Surely there is enough time outwith the time he will be at the match to have‘family time’

Have you thought about your DS going with his Dad, I know it sounds silly but my DS went with nursery one Saturday (parents too) and the children loved it. He goes regularly now. They all loved the cheering and clapping, none had a clue what was going on 😂

Not that its the overall point but 23 games suggests its not a Premier League team meaning it won't be 23 Saturday's - more likely 16/17 Saturdays with the rest Tuesday's - would he still go to those?

We both had season tickets when we met. We then got two each so we could go to each other's matches. DH had been going to see his team for 20+ years as had his dad before him. Happy memories. We gave up our season tickets when we had kids. We go to a match occasionally and watch on TV.

YANBU

If you have a child so young with special needs I really don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to not have a season ticket, especially when your home full time with dc already. It’s very selfish him being out of the house 6 days a week and then say well you can do something on the 7th day. When are you supposed to be together as a family and when is he there to support you and your dc?

Maybe he just hasn’t thought through his actual proposal. I’d be saying to him it’s definitely not ok when dc is this young, he needs to be home to support you. Especially given you havnt even moved yet. If he wants a season ticket that’s fine but he has to wait until dc is a bit older and you are settled and can work out a proper plan so you can both find time to do things alone as well as a family.

YABU.

• you knew this was his hobby
• he has offered you the same amount of time
• you could spend family time together by going with him, or arranging things on your allotted time
• you don't need to martyr yourself by doing housework in your free time

I wouldn’t be very impressed either TBH. I know exactly what you mean about not getting free time to with as you wish. Young children are hard work and ones with additional needs more so. Could you afford a cleaner so you won’t end up doing it on a Sunday? My dad was a season ticket holder for years, but from the age of about 5 my brother used to go with him. My mum worked so I spent time with my grandad which I loved. This worked out well for us, but I does sound like his ‘fun’ is going to put extra pressure on you.

2 Saturdays or sundays each a month tondo what you like with friends etc - sundays are family days - it such like - everyone needs a break

My husbands team do free season tickets for kids, I just made him take them!

oh let him go, stop being such a martyr

@laurenlodge

Why is a two hour football match draining 5.5 hours of time?! I spend 3 hrs at the game including travel. If the travel is over an hour each way, I'd argue you're really not near enough to justify the season ticket. (and if he's including pre/post game beers in the time then that's a whole other question...).

And I say this as a lover of football and someone with a season ticket.

I was wondering the same thing. Surely you aren't moving that close to the club if travel takes 3.5 hours?

My DH is a season ticket holder, and whilst it has been nice to not have to schedule our lives around the games over lockdown I don't have an issue with it. I use the time he is at the game to see friends or my family, or quite often there are play dates/parties etc that would fall to me anyway. He only stays for drinks for special matches, and drives the rest of the time.

Is it a team you struggle to get tickets for if you aren't a season ticket holder? Does being one give him higher priority to other matches?

Can you not think of anything you would like to do child free for a couple of hours every other week? I like to have a match day cuppa in bed whilst I watch TV and he gets up with the kids. Not the same amount of time, but makes me very happy.

[quote littlepattilou]@Rosebell100

I am torn on this, because on the one hand, I get fucked off with how SO many men seem to have hobbies/pastimes, that not only get them away from family/childcare commitments and so on, but also, quite often cost a lot of family money.

On the other hand, you KNEW what he was/what he loved when you met him, and that it was not a cheap hobby. If my DH asked me to give up something I enjoy (that I took part in when we met,) he could jog on!

Then again, weirdly MOST women don't have hobbies and interests that cost fuck-tons of family money (like men do!)

So I guess.... YANBU.. Yeah YANBU wins.. just! He chose to get married and have kids with you, he should have known that he would need to sacrifice stuff.[/quote]
I more or less followed this line of thinking but sided on YABU.

He doesnt have to attend every match either, you could find some form of compromise. I would be annoyed if I was you but he was clearly this "type" when you got together. If you were having a rough week with your son he wouldnt necessarily have to go just because he's got tickets.

Exactly that.

There's no need for him to go to every match because he has a season ticket.

If he wants to go to some matches, a season ticket is the cheapest and easiest way to do it, but it's not unreasonable for you to come to an agreement over how often he attends.

Another option would be for you to have every other Saturday afternoon to yourself, so that you still have time together as a family.

I think it's disappointing when your partner wants to do a solitary activity that takes up that amount of time (and when they do it isn't flexible). It's particularly dissapointing if you're at a stage when family life feels quite busy so doing time-consuming hobbies isn't really even on your own radar.

-from the partner of a season ticket holder