My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

[Rosebell100]

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

@timeisnotaline Saturday morning like I pointed out? All day Sunday?

I’m a woman by the way and go to football matches. DH watches DS while I’m out. OP can do what she wants.

Everyone needs to just stop cleaning their fucking houses obsessively. No one reaches their death bed and wishes they’d done more housework.

My DH does not have a season ticket for his team but some of his friends do. None of them go to all the matches, most let their friends or relations use the ticket for quite a lot of them.

I would compromise, you both get a few hours free time every second Saturday. Sunday's are family day & a midweek cleaner to lighten the load

But it’s ok for OP to be at home 24 hours a day with their child and then left alone again at the weekend?! Where’s her time for hobbies, sport, friends?

Surely the husband is home in the evenings, so she can do things in the evening? She has every other Saturday when he's not at matches to find a hobby that she takes some time for herself - even if it to meet family and friends without a child in toe.

The reality is she needs to decide what works for their family, but there has to be a way for both parents to enjoy some personal time. And keep Sundays for family time.
Bearing in mind, you have to assume that her husband is also there in the evenings and Sunday's are not the only time they see each other.

Could he get the season ticket and then "sell" some of the games to friends so that he's not attending them all? My DP used to have a neighbours ticket now and again as he worked shifts and couldn't go to them all. I'd be fed up too OP, doing the majority of childcare with a young child with SEN is hard going without the thought of a proper block of respite plus time as a family at the weekend..

Everyone needs to just stop cleaning their fucking houses obsessively. No one reaches their death bed and wishes they’d done more housework.

THAT!

And I am a flipping always-visitor-ready, instagramable kind of house control freak house proud.

Isn't it sad that that a cleaner is only considered as a retaliation because husband wants to go to a few football matches a year, not as a priority to give time to the family?

And frankly, you don't need a cleaner to have free weekends. Get a system and you have a lovely house and free weekends, even with kids and a full-time job...

Don't be a martyr. You were always entitled to have a life, a hobby, see friends (or at least free time during the pandemic). Don't punish your partner because you never chose to do anything.

I think this is really unfair. You knew what he was into when you first met him. No one is allowed any hobbies at all on Mn it would seem.
My Dh watches endless football. Fine with me. I Mn. World perfectly.

Maybe you need to negotiate some time to yourself if that's what you are missing.

My DH and I loved a lot of things before our DD arrived. We didn’t know that our child will have long term disability, no one signed up for this. So some things we’ve used to do put a lot of strain on our life and not possible now. I amazed on comments: aren’t you like to have one to one time with your DC? Why are you spending Sundays cleaning? People who’ve posted it clearly have no idea about challenges you have when your child has additional needs. I haven’t got time to take shower and read MN when my DD was small. It’s very difficult mentally and physically. OP is basically a single parent during the week already.

How is looking after your own dc childcare?

I don't think this is that bad to be honest? It won't be every weekend and he'll only be out for a few hours. If it meant going away overnight I'd probably mind more.

Realistically you're not always going to spend every Saturday all together even if he doesn't get his season ticket.

For me, this is simple. He has the season ticket and takes DC with him. Most clubs offer very cheap season tickets for under 11s. Mine came with me from about a year old, except for the few weeks a year when the weather was very cold, when it was DH's turn to have them.

I don't understand MN and football. If you want an equivalent hobby, (terribly time consuming at c. 3hours 23 times a year) get one.

Dp can sell tickets back to the club if he can’t make a particular game, could you compromise so it’s not every weekend?

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

@motherloaded

Everyone needs to just stop cleaning their fucking houses obsessively. No one reaches their death bed and wishes they’d done more housework.

THAT!

And I am a flipping always-visitor-ready, instagramable kind of house control freak house proud.

Isn't it sad that that a cleaner is only considered as a retaliation because husband wants to go to a few football matches a year, not as a priority to give time to the family?

And frankly, you don't need a cleaner to have free weekends. Get a system and you have a lovely house and free weekends, even with kids and a full-time job...

Don't be a martyr. You were always entitled to have a life, a hobby, see friends (or at least free time during the pandemic). Don't punish your partner because you never chose to do anything.

Yes!!! My 4 bed house takes exactly 2 hours a week to keep presentable. I really don't know what people do who have to spend hours on it.

If you do more than your fair share in the week and if you find looking after your son difficult or draining (which I imagine you do, toddlers in a pandemic are hard even without suspected autism) then he is being unreasonable to want to disappear most Saturdays- like you say if you had the same time to yourself as he does then there would be a lot less family days out.

Couldnt he compromise though, I know people that share season tickets between 2 or 3 of them and one day a month doesn't sound unreasonable

@Naunet

being a parent means you go to work, rush home as soon as you are done and forget about any social life, hobby, sport, friends until your kids leave home You cannot be a good parent if you have any interest or don't spend any non-working minute with your kids

But it’s ok for OP to be at home 24 hours a day with their child and then left alone again at the weekend?! Where’s her time for hobbies, sport, friends?

No one is saying you’re not allowed to do things for yourself, they’re saying it has to be fair. And fair means BOTH parents getting the same amount of downtime and responsibilities, not just the man getting whatever he wants and works best for him.

But this guy is talking about 23 matches per year?? Twice a month he wants to go out, basically. Is that really so extreme?

Agree that OP should have time to herself too though and that's where the real issue obviously lies. Clearly she doesn't feel supported to do that, and that's the conversation she should have with her DH.

@Clymene

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

Because they love to be Martrys? I (mum) have had a football season ticket for 40 years. It's perfectly possible if women want it

Thing is - it isn't just the season ticket matches. Season ticket holders get preferential access for cup matches etc. Matches aren't always Saturdays, or even weekends.

Having said that - you do need time for yourself, and cleaning isn't that. Time for a bit of horse trading - agree to the season ticket, but he pays for cleaner / ironing / washing service to free up your time.

It's so easy with children to get in the habit of not going out, of thinking the preparation is just too much hassle. And for one-off evenings out, it can be a hassle. But it into a routine of always going out on a Tuesday evening for yoga, when he has to be home to take over from you and it becomes habit and therefore easier. Tip - pay for classes up front then you'll want to get your money's worth. If you pay-as-you-go you're less likely to go

Please don't be a martyr - no one thanks you for it and resent builds up over time. Take up his offer of 'you' time - God I hate that phrase but I hope you know what I mean

@Clymene

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

funny, I know plenty of divorced couples when kids are with mum during the week, and with dad every weekend,

meaning mum has every weekend free,
dad doesn't.

Not everybody lives close enough to their ex so it's possible to share the kids during the week, they need consistency. 🤷

A few are with their dad during the week, and their mum at the weekend, whatever works for people.

@Clymene

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

I actually know a few mums with hobbies...some go to watch/play sports, I know a couple with horses which are a huge commitment in time and financially, one that goes on yoga retreats.

It doesn't have to be the case that dad gets to go out while mum stays chained to the baby.

Would your husband be happy to ‘give up’ 23 Saturdays so that he can watch your child and you can do something by yourself if not YANBU. Do you get regular downtime also?

Are all you ladies who are saying the OP husband is selfish! INCAPABLE OF READING THAT IT IS NOT EVERY OTHER SATURDAY!!!!!! Or are you just reading what you want?

It's not 23 Saturdays. It's more likely to be 15 Saturdays, 6 Tuesday or Wednesday nights and the odd Sunday or Friday night. There's also most of May, all of June & July and the first week of August where there will be zero games. I really can't see what the big deal is.

Apologies I didn't mean to post below.