My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

[Rosebell100]

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

Hmm: he gets a season ticket to something he loves and she gets.. to do less cleaning. Talk about life fulfilment! Maybe the cleaner should be for both of them AND she gets to spend her ‘season ticket’ on something she’d enjoy. Our cleaner is to help both of us, not just me

Err, what the fuck?! Where did I say this was some kind of treat for her?! Where did I say he gets his season ticket and her ‘season ticket’ money is spent on a cleaner?

She’s the one doing it all at the moment, so of course she would get more free time if they got a cleaner, and then she can spend that time doing something she enjoys.

@Lorw

Would your husband be happy to ‘give up’ 23 Saturdays so that he can watch your child and you can do something by yourself if not YANBU. Do you get regular downtime also?

That's easy. Football tends to be more or less every other week, so OP can have the opposite weeks.

My local spa does season tickets. I’d go there for a Saturday afternoon when he’s not at football.

mate, you are projecting a bit here...

‘Mate’, learn what projection means and stop with the silly assumptions.

My suggestion for a fair & reasonable compromise here would be for OP to find herself a hobby or interest which she can do on the non-football Saturdays while he is on daddy duty and which costs an equivalent amount to the season ticket.

What is unfair & unreasonable is for women who don’t have, or don’t want hobbies & interests of their own outside of family life to stop their partners having them.

Correct me if I'm wrong but is it 23 out of 52 (ish) Saturdays? I know you said mainly Saturdays. Maybe a good work around could be on the Saturdays he's not away, he looks after your child and you get a day to yourself, with a Sunday family day?
Failing that why not compromise and agree he gets half the games?

Statistically, dads get 5 hours more leisure time a week than mums do so your friends are outliers @motherloaded and @Bibidy

Always nice to see MNers sticking up for poor men though 👍

I totally understand why you aren't keen! But I disagree that it's selfish to want to go on with something he loves, it sounds like he works hard through the week (as you do).

I think the principle of the season ticket is fine but you need to agree how to balance the frequency against your own needs.

Personally, DH only attends home games (not all of them). Away games are very rare. I get a lie-in on the match days, and time to myself on the Sunday or whatever. We also have a cleaner.

Let him. But insist on a cleaner and you dictate everything on a Sunday

I get why you don’t want to be on your own with your dc all day stuck at home. However my perspective is that on match days you can go out and visit your friends & family and when dc gets older, dp can take them and you get the house to yourself, which I love. On away games/ non match days, you get to do whatever you want or pick a family activity. My DH has a season ticket and home match days are the few times I get to just do my own thing without interference, I can’t wait for the stadiums to open up again. My dcs are older now but when they were younger I used to take them to see my mum and friends with similar aged dcs or to do nice things such as the cinema, lunch out etc. Sod staying at home cleaning!

How long will he be out? DH plays football every Saturday and it takes him out of the house from 1.30 to 4.30 ish if it's a home game and 12.30 til 5.30 ish if they have to drive a fair way (they usually go for a low key drink after). I'm fine with this because I have Saturday morning 100% for me (I usually go for a long run then coffee with a book) and then Sunday is 'family day'. As he's playing it is most weekends but he doesn't ever not do something (eg a friend's party) because of football. It's his main social life and keeps him fit (he also plays in the week but late one evening).

My eldest has asd so I know it's hard work. We keep the Saturday afternoon routine pretty much the same (2x activities then home for a film) which works well.

It won't be 23 weeks either- there's an off season and then FA Cup and international weeks. It sounds like the issue is more you don't get time on your own or for things you enjoy? Probably needs a conversation about that. DH also does more childcare than me anyway as he works fewer hours so it's really about the overall balance.

If have no issue with this, it’s eow for a few hours. He’s been at work all week so a hobby is a good balance,

Me and my DH both have season tickets for our local team. I’m now pregnant with our first and sadly accepting that I’ll need to give mine up. I’m supportive of him keeping him on - I knew he was a football fanatic when I met him and he’s a great, supportive and helpful guy so he deserves to be able to keep this hobby on. Equally I knew I’d need to give my season ticket up if I decided to have kids. Just how it is.

That being said, once DC is old enough (think I was 5 when my Dad started taking me to matches) I’d expect DH to take DC along with him, leaving me with a lovely quiet and relaxing Saturday! 😂

@Clymene

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

It's not virtually every weekend.

I've posted up thread about a female friend of mine who does what the OP's husband is proposing.

Its only for a few hours on 23 days of a year.

You may not have hobbies, you may not go out fot a few hours 23 times a year, but that is your choice. Just because you choose that for you, it doesn’t mean your husband should be forced to do the same.

YANBU, OP. My uncle is a massive football fan. When his children were young he didn't have a season ticket. When they got old enough he took them with him. Now my cousins are adults themselves he has a season ticket and fills his boots (so did my cousin for a couple of years at university, until he couldn't make it to enough games to justify it).

Of course parents can have hobbies, but there are many mnay hobbies available that don't require you to leave your young, and in this case, SEN, children with your wife for a half day EVERY WEEKEND for half the year. As an aside, how pleasant for you it's the half of the weekends with the crappest weather that he wants to leave you in sole charge of the toddler. What a charmer.

@Clymene

I honestly don't know a single mother who has a hobby that means she's out of the house for virtually a whole day every weekend and which substantially eats into the family income. I know plenty of dads who do though.

I wonder why that is? 🤔

I know lots of horsey mums who do that, during events they are gone the whole weekend.

23 home games - so presumably a Championship club

It varies a little each year but about 10 of those will be midweek matches and a few of weekend games will be played on a Sunday,

Not sure how much difference that makes but worth bearing in mind.

It's not every weekend for half the year. A season ticket only allows you to attend home games, away games are extra. Also some games will be mid week. My DH and DS have season tickets for a team that is a 300 mile round trip from where we live. They definately do not attend matches every weekend. I hate football but get that they love it. I understand why the OP is annoyed because of the age of her DS, but to suggest her DH will be out the house for 23 Saturdays a year is nonsense.

@Clymene

Statistically, dads get 5 hours more leisure time a week than mums do so your friends are outliers *@motherloaded and @Bibidy*

Always nice to see MNers sticking up for poor men though 👍

don't blame me if men chose to have a proper hobby whilst SOME women chose to be stuck with chores and cleaning the house!

I am not sticking for anyone, but I am bored of the martyrs and victims attitude.

And maybe "mums" don't count wasting time on MN and other social media as leisure time..

23 Saturdays a year is twice a month and that's a lot.

If he's like mine then there will also be the odd away game because it's a ground he hasn't been to before or somebody's 40th and semi finals and finals or because it's FA cup or end of season drinks and then boys nights out. I'd say no to the season ticket but he can go on an ad hoc basis

And yes you can go out on Sundays alone but then you don't get family time together

I know loads of Mums with hobbies. I run a Brownie unit, have done for years. So out 1 night a week every week during term time. Occasionally out of a weekend on a training or activity with them. And shock, horror 2 weekends and 1 5 day pack holiday with them. So whilst it may not necessarily be the same amount of hours per weekend each parent gets you can balance it out over a year. Also had plenty of family time. Family time is more than just going somewhere special of a weekend, its about spending some time together as a family that might be a couple of nights where you sit down and have a game of snakes and ladders after eating and before bed. Or a film night with a tub of popcorn and a fizzy drink, washing the car and splashing each other, baking a cake, gardening can all turn into fun family time.

I'm a runner and a football fan. I didn't get the memo about mums not being allowed hobbies and interests. DH is a perfectly competent father and enjoys time with DC, as they do with him. And vice versa when he goes off to do Army Cadets or paintball, although we've both included DC in our activities when they were an appropriate age if we could get them to show any interest

I can't imagine a life where cleaning was prioritised ahead of actually living. 20 minutes a day keeps on top of things lovely.

Ffs I don't think most you you understand how matches work 23 matches a year at home these will be mixed between a midweek and a weekend day over a 9 month period is around every 10 days and as he works during the week he would be unlikely to attend these so possibly 13 Saturdays 16 tops a year he is asking for when he works all week, I understand your child may have asd but no way would I stop my dh doing something he loves less the 1/3 Saturdays a year when he has offered you to have the same tine off do get out and take a break

I can't imagine a life where cleaning was prioritised ahead of actually living

Exactly your kids aren't going to remember dishes being left in the sink for a few hours or even overnight. They will remember the game of Ludo where everyone joined forces to keep sending Mums counter back to the start, or the day it absolutely chucked it down with rain so instead of a trip out we sat on the floor eating our picnic and watching that really funny old film from when Mum and Dad were little George and Mildred) and crying with laughter at it.