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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband wants a football season ticket, but I feel like this will put the burden of childcare even further on me.

250 replies

Rosebell100 · 13/05/2021 12:55

When I met my husband he was a committed long-term season ticket holder, and although it often meant arranging social plans around football fixtures this didn’t bother me too much. We then moved to London and he gave up his season ticket as it was just too far way to be able to go regularly. 7 years on, we’re now moving back and he desperately wants a season ticket. The reality is 23 matches where he will be out of the house mostly on a Saturday for approx 5.5 hours when you factor in travel there and back. We have a two-year son with suspected autism, and this will mean I spend most of Saturdays looking after DS alone. This comes on top of being the main caregiver all week with my DH regularly having to commute to London.
He says I could have the same amount of time to myself on the Sundays, but the reality is I won’t or, my child free time will default to cleaning the house. And if I did do that, we’d never spend time as a family, and that feels unfair on my son too.
I am all for DH going to matches occasionally, as and when he can, but a season ticket is too much of commitment while life is this hard. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Doghead · 13/05/2021 13:27

I think you're being incredibly selfish tbh. Your husband is still entitled to a life and his own hobbies.

ZenNudist · 13/05/2021 13:28

When your dc get older they may well be off to the match with dad. Then you'd get time to yourself!

How about sharing a season ticket? A couple of guys at my work do this. Go to half the matches.

I think he should be able to to to the match fairly often and season ticket best way to do this. You cant complain if you choose to spend weekends cleaning the house. If you're well enough off for season tickets you can afford a cleaner or he can do his share in the week.

motherloaded · 13/05/2021 13:31

Put it another way, if you or your DH decided to study something, go to the gym, gardening club or allotment, have 20 Saturday mornings off a year (and free to sleep/ have your hair done/ meet friends for coffee/ go shopping..)

basically having half a day for themselves half the year, no one would complain it's bad!

It really is not an unreasonable request! Being a parent is not being a martyr and giving up on life completely.

You both can have time off, and as above, make Sundays the family day.

Nousernameforme · 13/05/2021 13:33

Why not instead of taking the sundays, book a week or two away for yourself. Make sure it costs roughly the same as the season ticket. That way you still have sundays for family day, you might not feel as stitched up and you get a break.

RusholmeRuffian · 13/05/2021 13:34

Realistically it won't be anywhere near 23 Saturdays. There will be at least 6 midweek games and that's before games are moved for TV. It's more likely to be around 14/15 Saturdays at the most. If it's a big Championship team that's on TV a lot then it could mean even fewer Saturday matches.

motherloaded · 13/05/2021 13:34

Different everywhere, but in my area, there are toddler clubs on Saturday (well, when things are not on lockdown!), things organised at the library also..

You could see if something would be suitable for your little one? Takes you out of the house, relieves pressure of entertaining them.

That's only an example, but you don't have to punish yourself or sulk if your partner is off for a few hours.

mogtheexcellent · 13/05/2021 13:35

Skiptheheartsandflowers

No to the season ticket but yes to going to a lower, specified number of matches, on condition that you get the same number of Saturdays off while he does sole care of your toddler, and that the Sundays are family time.

THIS is the answer.

Lubiluxe
^I think YABU. Your child will get funding soon won't he? So you can have some child free time in the week. Then have a Sunday family day. Even with matches on a Saturday you could split the day and have the morning to yourself or something.

My dad was a season ticket holder for rugby and I loved going to games with him as I got older.^

Good for you but going to matches not so great for children with autism. Dont get me wrong my SEN nephew manages fine at Rugby but his SEN younger brother would meltdown at the thought of so many people.

And maybe the 'mum time' during the week will be taken up with the endless form filling in that comes with a SEN child or the cleaning/shopping or (god forbid) maybe the OP would like a career or life outside the house?

Every other Saturday seems fair to me. No season ticket this year just to trial it.

ilovesooty · 13/05/2021 13:35

Some of the matches may well be on Sundays or be a late Saturday evening kick off giving you part of the day together.

YukoandHiro · 13/05/2021 13:36

Yes to the season ticket and take the child free time to yourself on the Sunday. Ask him to agree to getting a cleaner and make sure every other weekend (away match weeks) are family time in which both of you are available to each other all weekend.

ilovesooty · 13/05/2021 13:37

@RusholmeRuffian

Realistically it won't be anywhere near 23 Saturdays. There will be at least 6 midweek games and that's before games are moved for TV. It's more likely to be around 14/15 Saturdays at the most. If it's a big Championship team that's on TV a lot then it could mean even fewer Saturday matches.
Good point.
BoredatHome321 · 13/05/2021 13:37

@mogtheexcellent But it basically is every other Saturday, most games alternate between home and away each week. Not always, but majority of the time.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/05/2021 13:38

A season ticket is the 23 home games. A number of these will be of an evening not a Saturday anyway. So 5 hrs 23 times a year. That isn't a hell of a lot, especially if he is happy for you to do the same

motherloaded · 13/05/2021 13:38

mogtheexcellent

anyone is free to spend all their "free time" cleaning and doing house chores, but really has no right to complain about them!

Unless there's a massive drip feed, the OP is not running a B&B. No need to spend your life cleaning! (and I speak as someone who likes pristine house...)

Snakeprint · 13/05/2021 13:38

You are so far from being UR. You have a young child with sen! Nope ST is for when your children are grown or teenagers who don’t want to spend time with you.Grin

LoudestCat14 · 13/05/2021 13:40

My DP found out he'd got to the top of the season ticket list (after a 10-year wait) the same week we found out I was pregnant! I didn't want him to miss out, so we agreed some compromises that included not spending hours in the pub either side of the game and that he looked after DC on Sat morning before he went so I had some time to myself. Decade on and it still works well, only now he takes DC out for brunch first! So maybe it could work if you laid out some ground rules too, OP?

Fixitup2 · 13/05/2021 13:40

I think it’s good he has a hobby, in 2 years he’ll be able to take DC hopefully. But it shouldn’t take him 5.5 hours, does that include a drink in the pub first? Anyway I’ve said YABU because you said he’s happy for you to have the same time but you’ll spend it cleaning, that’s on you. Find a hobby and take the time, you’ll feel amazing for it!

LoudestCat14 · 13/05/2021 13:41

Plus lots of the home games are midweek evening fixtures, so presumably your DC would be in bed? Then you can have a nice evening to yourself relaxing!

DuncinToffee · 13/05/2021 13:41

The season ticket is for home games only so it won't be every weekend.

Whoarethewho · 13/05/2021 13:41

His life and his money if he wants to get a season ticket then it is being controlling not to let him spend his time and money that way.

sergeilavrov · 13/05/2021 13:43

Solution is getting your DS a season ticket: DH gets football while learning a lesson about how tough taking care of your son is, and you get a free Saturday for the one season because he won’t renew. Do not use your free day for cleaning, use it for wine and cheese and films your husband doesn’t appreciate with friends.

Sometimes lessons must be learnt, not spoken.

lastqueenofscotland · 13/05/2021 13:44

I think YABU
It’s not really that much time.
You don’t have to spend your free time cleaning the house - you sound like a bit of a martyr saying that, book yourself something nice to do in that time, surely you have a hobby/interest you can explore.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/05/2021 13:45

@Whoarethewho

His life and his money if he wants to get a season ticket then it is being controlling not to let him spend his time and money that way.
As they have a toddler with suspected ASD it is controlling for the DH to require the OP to remain the main caregiver on Saturdays so he can indulge in his hobby. Why does he get to chose when she can have a break.

Family life is invariably a compromise and I imagine all the more so if you have a child with SN.

coco123456789 · 13/05/2021 13:46

I did used to feel like you, but have realised now that it’s great to have some child free time to yourself! Meet a friend, do exercise, go to town, whatever you fancy really. I often do stuff that DH isn’t bothered about when he goes to a match, like take the kids to meet friends, meet my parents etc. I really like having time to myself too though so it works for me. It has taken me a long time to accept how important football is to DH. However he just goes to watch the match. He wouldn’t have a drink in a pub before or after though so it’s not like it takes the whole day. I am just grateful that he doesn’t play golf or go cycling!

Peccary · 13/05/2021 13:48

Let him get the ticket and agree to a certain number of matches, the big ones. DH has one for a top Premier league team but does not go to all matches since we moved out of the city. (We used to live walking distance to the stadium) He usually finds someone to take the ticket and pay him for matches he can't be arsed with.

Abouttimemum · 13/05/2021 13:48

DH has your DS on a Saturday morning so you can do what you want. Sunday is a family day. Don’t do the housework or blitz it together for an hour on a Sunday.

I used to have a season ticket pre-covid and I was at Saturday games maybe once a month august-April. Some get moved to Sunday pm and some are midweek. I probably won’t get one for a while now just due to money.

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