to not feel horny by my husbands requests?

[sparedblushes]

ok, my friend is a Mumsnetter and has persuaded me to confide in this site as she said you would all find it interesting and may come up with a solution.

my dh has always had a strange way of lovemaking. He calls his penis 'Tarzan' and my vagina is 'Muffy'.

i was ok with that, but then he started talking directly to Muffy, pretending that his Tarzan was having a conversation with Muffy. This seemed to excite him and i thought I should pretend to like it too. Only now he really does think i get turned on by this and has taken it a step too far.

The other night he took Tarzan out and I saw to my horror that he had stuck a pair of eyes on it. I pretended to be pleasantly surprised as I didn't know how else to react; now I wonder what else is in store, have I only myself to blame for not telling him that I don't get turned on by it, or am i being unreasonable in telling him the truth?

Sparedblushes: if this is a serious thread then I'm sorry for your DP and sorry for you too, as it sounds like your relationship with him is more like you're his mum than his partner. Sexual fantasies and roleplay, however silly they might seem to someone who isn;t turned on by them, are not a bad thing and you might find the best way to deal with it is to make some requests of your own (whatever one partner likes to do sexually, the other partner should get a fair share of action that works for him/her, taking turns and occasionally indulging a partner's fantasy - as long as it's not painful or dangerous or really upsetting for you - is fair enough). But it also sounds like your DP could do with some kind of self-esteem or assertiveness training.

Hmmm. If this is for real then fwiw I think you should say something along the lines of "it was fun at first but now I've had enough." That way he doesn't feel like you've been leading him on. Oh, and never pretend to like something you don't, or you'll be back on MN...
If it's not for real then for being naive...

Oh, and if it was real then it sounds like he's being bullied at work. Does he have a union rep? They could help him raise it with management...

ROFL - raise it with him

snort

yes, could have chosen my words better

actually, I delete the internet too - i.e clear history... so my dh doesn't see what Ive been up to!

Rachel - how was last night with Quentin?! Did you fasten an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini to your muff?! What did he 'come' as? Snurk....

Well thanks to some leaked gossip - I suspect my so called friend on Mumsnet - he went to work on Friday and came back saying they'd put the story of Red Riding Hood in his desk, sang the theme tune to 'FingerBob' and stuck a note on his back saying "I do it like Tarzan!"

I'm very very

spared, I do think that you really ought to give away the name of your "friend". She's really been very naughty, and should be publicly shamed on Mumsnet. Then she'd know what poor Quentin has been put through. We will stick virtual notes on her back.

Message withdrawn

They even changed his ring tone to a Tarzan yodel!

That fruit vegetable is to blame!

why does your DH not stand up to his work colleagues? with this sort of bullying, surely he could take them to a tribunal?

sorry guys - only playing.

Hope it cheered you all up though!

sb, brilliant - I've rarely seen a windup that had so many people taken in.

I knew from the start ...

what a penis called tarzan and a fanjo called muffy was a wind up?!

and you are .... ?

Norman.

Bah lulu, you had doubts. Or your post "why does your DH not stand up to his work colleagues? with this sort of bullying, surely he could take them to a tribunal?" was truly a comedy genius beyond me.

could easily have been...

I can't speak for MorningPaper however, I wonder if this'll make it onto her round up newsletters?

PMSL habbibu, i did post something more disbeleiving lower down, then had an attack of conscience!!

"Well Hellloo Tarzan back from a hard day at the office"
"Lookey it's Miffy"
"this thread reminds me of....",

Message withdrawn

"Puppetry of the Penis" sparkle - very good!

this is SO not making it onto any roundup, ever

shame.