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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel horny by my husbands requests?

154 replies

sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 20:39

ok, my friend is a Mumsnetter and has persuaded me to confide in this site as she said you would all find it interesting and may come up with a solution.

my dh has always had a strange way of lovemaking. He calls his penis 'Tarzan' and my vagina is 'Muffy'.

i was ok with that, but then he started talking directly to Muffy, pretending that his Tarzan was having a conversation with Muffy. This seemed to excite him and i thought I should pretend to like it too. Only now he really does think i get turned on by this and has taken it a step too far.

The other night he took Tarzan out and I saw to my horror that he had stuck a pair of eyes on it. I pretended to be pleasantly surprised as I didn't know how else to react; now I wonder what else is in store, have I only myself to blame for not telling him that I don't get turned on by it, or am i being unreasonable in telling him the truth?

OP posts:
Doodledootoo · 15/11/2007 22:10

Message withdrawn

Sparkletastic · 15/11/2007 22:10

I'm with Doodle, nothing you say could surprise me now Rach

Doodledootoo · 15/11/2007 22:11

Message withdrawn

pollywollybauble · 15/11/2007 22:11

now if you said he had crafted miniature undies for tarzan and muffy....

Sparkletastic · 15/11/2007 22:12

Is he a gynaecologist?

hayCHingleBells · 15/11/2007 22:12

This is so strange.
Is it real or what?

I cant go to bed until i know.

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:13

so that's ok but his puppetry is not?

well I wonder if your husbands aren't just keeping their fantasies secret for fear of being laughed at and having FREAKYWEAKY posted on their backs

OP posts:
morningpaper · 15/11/2007 22:13

How did his colleagues find out sparedblushes?

Did they hear it on the grapevine?

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:14

he works in the courts

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 15/11/2007 22:14

Snurk mp!! Did he tell his colleagues then? Did he raise the issue under "Any Other Business' at their weekly team meeting?

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:14

they don't know, they just call him that anyway. They say it's their pet name for him.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 15/11/2007 22:15

Oh he's a judge. That explains everything...

MrsWeasley · 15/11/2007 22:17

hi rachel

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:18

my friend posts under the name of an object, so she's not you MrsWeasley.

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 15/11/2007 22:20

I know intimate details about your sex life I think I should be classed as a friend now!

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:25

I'm going to bed with dh and make him feel like a man, even if it involves puppetry, he deserves my attention. his Tarzan might be small but at least he tries.

at least it's not just a quick hump.

OP posts:
Doodledootoo · 15/11/2007 22:26

Message withdrawn

Doodledootoo · 15/11/2007 22:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster
sparedblushes · 15/11/2007 22:30

I don't know if I will come back to thsi thread, I was goign to talk to him tonight but now i'm not sure.

i will check for better advice tomorrow.

OP posts:
fortyplus · 15/11/2007 23:07

So he works in a court and his colleagues stick a note saying FREAKYWEAKY on his back and you really believe that tomorrow someone won't be sniggering behind his back about Tarzan?

Original poster
sparedblushes · 16/11/2007 09:56

well no good advice i see. I don't see how his colleagues will know about this, it's not as if I've put our address on here or Quentin's company name have I? this is the internet and i am supposed to be able to confide in things on here that i wouldn't be able to do in real life. of course I couldn't talk like this to other people as they all know who I am, but you don't. Only my mumsnetter friend and she promises that she won't say a word.

i thought this was a supportive site, i was wrong.

OP posts:
Fireflytoo · 16/11/2007 10:03

Spared b...please read back to my comment..I think you do have to deal with this for both your sakes.

Fireflytoo · 16/11/2007 10:06

bump

shrinkingsagpuss · 16/11/2007 10:19

erm... is quentin the |DH or the company? I'm laughing so much I can barely type.

This has to be a wind up, no-one seriously posting would let "slip" so much... but its fun.!

Lulumama · 16/11/2007 11:35

oooh, rachel and quentin.> i think you are neighbours. the pampas grass needs pruning , you know....

am absolutely ROFLing, esp. at MPs comment that she;d delete the internet!

priceless