to not feel horny by my husbands requests?

[sparedblushes]

ok, my friend is a Mumsnetter and has persuaded me to confide in this site as she said you would all find it interesting and may come up with a solution.

my dh has always had a strange way of lovemaking. He calls his penis 'Tarzan' and my vagina is 'Muffy'.

i was ok with that, but then he started talking directly to Muffy, pretending that his Tarzan was having a conversation with Muffy. This seemed to excite him and i thought I should pretend to like it too. Only now he really does think i get turned on by this and has taken it a step too far.

The other night he took Tarzan out and I saw to my horror that he had stuck a pair of eyes on it. I pretended to be pleasantly surprised as I didn't know how else to react; now I wonder what else is in store, have I only myself to blame for not telling him that I don't get turned on by it, or am i being unreasonable in telling him the truth?

MP - shaking head at those names not at knitted garments, they sound dandy.

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ooh look

ive just the thing

perhaps you could call yours a troll and his the billy goats gruff

Bit worried about the lions face on the finger puppets, he knows whats in store for him

he wants to do red hiding hood, my Muffy is the woods, one of his fingers is red riding hood, the other grandma and Tarzan would be the big bad wolf.

my MN friend is refusing to be identified

I think you need to sort this out seriously. It is all very funny as a thread, but to lose respect for a partner especially in something intimate as this where really you want to be "swept off your feet and made to feel like a princess( insert own fantasy)" can be dreadful. Could you just giggle at first and hint that perhaps the game has gone far enough? Could you suggest that you take turns to play out fantasies and when it is your turn Tarzan goes on holiday?

If you keep quiet and carry on pretending...you may have to pretend much more later.

Look in my defence

I was VERY YOUNG

and this was only my FIRST HUSBAND

And in the end, Sloop went under the surgeon's knife and got tossed to the ducks so that Husband could have his own Floop.

Can I delete these posts

Aw come on sparedblushes - give us some clues!!

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Oh Doodle - you are norty

she posts a lot and really doesn't want to be named.

Muffy shoulf just respond ''ahhh-ahhhhahhhh-ahhhhhhaaaaaaaggghhh'' in a yodelly voice. And see if tarzan gets turned on by that...

This has got to be a wind-up.
Surely?

Little red riding hood?!

ROFL @ MPs only my first husband.

at DH slooping-off. Is this an MN legend I have been unaware of or are you pissed and blabbing uncontrollably?

And no, you can't delete the thread. Not unless you post something that could financially ruin the entire site.

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oooh I've mentioned my first husband before

She is now a lovely blonde girl with bigger tits and a nicer fanjo than me, and when we go out together men stare and WHISTLE at her.

WHISTLE

ffs

While I scamper along like her pet dog.

Why is your 'friend' so worried spared?? Does she feel sullied by your DH's sexual perversions?? Or is she in some way involved - mayhap she has a few fingerbobs of her own... Is it an unbridled puppet-show round your gaff most nights?

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Sparkle - you have ruined fingerbobs for me for ever.

doodle where did you GET that?

well I understand how you feel morningpaper, its not nice when you are laughed at. dh gets picked on at work too, they always snigger behind his back. He's just a little immature and not very bright, but bright enough to be hurt, which is why I don't want to hurt him anymore.

They put a sticker on his back the other week saying "TWATFACE" they let him go into a management meeting with it on.

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Bless him.

How long have you been with him?

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