to not feel horny by my husbands requests?

[sparedblushes]

ok, my friend is a Mumsnetter and has persuaded me to confide in this site as she said you would all find it interesting and may come up with a solution.

my dh has always had a strange way of lovemaking. He calls his penis 'Tarzan' and my vagina is 'Muffy'.

i was ok with that, but then he started talking directly to Muffy, pretending that his Tarzan was having a conversation with Muffy. This seemed to excite him and i thought I should pretend to like it too. Only now he really does think i get turned on by this and has taken it a step too far.

The other night he took Tarzan out and I saw to my horror that he had stuck a pair of eyes on it. I pretended to be pleasantly surprised as I didn't know how else to react; now I wonder what else is in store, have I only myself to blame for not telling him that I don't get turned on by it, or am i being unreasonable in telling him the truth?

yes, I told my best friend who comes on here, she posts quite a lot.

does tarzan swing on your pubic hair?

serious question

Why can't they have proper names like in Judy Blume books? Nigel is good. Or Alan.

fab mp!!!!

this can go down in the mumsnet anals!

at "anals"

how about the straight approach?

'honey, this Tarzan and Muffy stuff is completely turning me off. In fact, no more nookie till you cut that shit out.'

Is this a joke?

lol at you pretending to be pleasantly surprised

ew mp feel icky

well I would tell him but he seems so excited by it all and he really thinks I am too, I faked it before and now that he thinks I like it I really don't want to hurt him.

i don't want it to go any further and I know it will by what he's suggesting, how can I tell him gently that I'm not into it?

i would laugh - it would stop it in an instant

morning paper, pmsl.

OH DEAR you are in a fix and men(in my ver limited experience ) seem to be so sensitive about things like that. If you let on you never really liked it he will feel humiliated and then what will happen....I think you can only laugh...really laugh...so much that it bacomes funny rather than sexy and he may stop.....
..My BF is a bit of an actor... no let me be nice...he likes to be imaginitive and mostly it feels just childish to me....so I just laugh so much it stops being sex and becomes party time...

It's a lesson not to fake isn't it. Always leads to trouble because it's so hard to redirect things. How about you thinking of somethign different to do - so it's not so much anti the Muffy/Tarzan thing, and more "darling why don't we try xxx". I do think you need to try to make some changes because otherwise it will drive you round the bend. My dh tens to get a bit like this, we'll do something new and I'll quite enjoy it and make encouraging noises, and then he'll want to do it all the time, whilst telling me how much it turns me on..

i suppose the eyes make him see better in the dark.

Message withdrawn

are you putting yourself in the roundup mp ?

Aaaaanyway, onto more interesting matters.... Who is your MN 'friend' sparedblushes? Can we get onto guess the trolling regular?!

I'd go with Expat's straight approach. And be wary of any compromises either as you'll just end up back where you are now. Possibly with little knitted outfits - or, more likely, a loincloth.

oooh knitted outfits is a GREAT idea

why not knit tarzan a scarf and hat?

no, he wants to get his fingers involved as characters in his play.

If i laugh it would really really hurt his feelings though wouldn't it? He's not a confident man and has been laughed at before in previous relationships.

Message withdrawn

Oh MP...

oh, finger puppets too

Op is hilarious!

Tarzan, i ask you!

Talking Tarzans with eyes is even more farkin bizarre!

Solution??? God knows, section him and Tarzan?