To ask for a polite way to explain maternity leave is not ‘a year off’?

[TurquoiseKiss]

Returned to work this week after maternity leave of 1 year. All my colleagues are nice people so I don’t think this has been meant maliciously but a few have followed “welcome back” with “I wish I could take a year off” / “what did you get up to? Any nice trips?” / “you’re looking well, must have been nice to have a year break from work” (obviously this is what happened but the tone was as if I’d gone to lay on a beach somewhere and had ‘me time’ for 12 months!).

Suggestions please of the nicest way to say: “I birthed a baby, spent 5 fairly traumatic nights on a postnatal ward with no visitors allowed, haven’t had a full nights sleep since last April, didn’t go on any trips because y’know I took the time away from work to start raising a tiny person not seek out cheap last minute jollys…Comprende!?”

Yours,
Tired Mum

Ask them if they have kids. I had same from a childless couple i was friends with. They maintained they worked far harder in their full time jobs than i ever would as a mum 😠
Otherwise laugh and say 'yes it was lovely thanks, i recommend it' - and mutter as you walk away 🤪
You won't convince them otherwise 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tell them you're glad to be back to work for a break! Unless you're literally saving lives work is a doddle compared to the first year at home with a baby in a pandemic no less.

Really I'd just ignore it OP it will stop soon enough. You can't get through to these types. Ingrained sexism/plain ignorance is usually at the root of it.

If I take a week off work, and spend it renovating my house, toiling 16 hours a day for the seven days, have I still had a week off work?
Of course I bloody have.
Same principle. Some of the answers here are idiotic.

the sneering on this thread is awful.

some people find maternity leave wonderful and yes maybe view it as a holiday and a break from work.

some find it much harder than their jobs, and as such, it may get their backs up having it described as a holiday.

I dont understand why people on here are so quick to want to knock the OP down - she isnt a snowflake for not liking the implication that she was on a lovely long break from work, we dont know how hard or easy she has found it.

@Donotgogentle

Well, it is a year off from the workplace. Whilst it’s bloody hard work it’s a change from 9-5 grind.

This.

@Namechangeme1

I actually think a year off is excessive unless you support yourself financially. It should not be an expectation or entitlement

I think it has a lot to do with discrimination against women of childbearing age in the workplace, too. People will come back and claim it's the same in Scandinavia but in those places the father often takes some of the leave.

@SarahAndQuack

But she hasn't been off work. How is that so hard to understand?

Yes, she has. She has been away from her paid employment because she (presumably, in the absence of any info contradicting this) chose to get pregnant and take a year’s maternity leave. Which she is entitled to do! But she is not at work. She is raising her child, which she chose to have. That is not “being at work”.

Why is THAT so hard to understand?

Does this mean that when parents of young children are off for two weeks in July, they're actually taking annual WORK? Give over. Nobody is saying that mat leave is equivalent to being on a beach in Barbados but it's also something that people choose, being part and parcel of deciding to have a baby.

Anyone who asked me if I wanted to swap and look after the children that they decided to have, would get a from me. You had a child for your benefit. The tone of a lot of these posters is so martyrish - like having a child was a responsibility bestowed upon them by some higher power, and the rest of society should be admiring and grateful for their sacrifice.

"You're kidding, right? I'm back at work to get a break!".

I dont understand why people on here are so quick to want to knock the OP down - she isnt a snowflake for not liking the implication that she was on a lovely long break from work, we dont know how hard or easy she has found it

Ir doesn't matter how easy or hard she found it. She's stating she didn't have a year off work but she did. This isn't about judgement, its about what words mean!
If you don't go to your job for a year then you had a year off work. That doesn't change whether you spent the year on a beach, having a baby, or writing a novel. You had a year off work. You did not go to work.
How are people finding this simple concept so difficult to understand?

@hparkins

the sneering on this thread is awful.

some people find maternity leave wonderful and yes maybe view it as a holiday and a break from work.

some find it much harder than their jobs, and as such, it may get their backs up having it described as a holiday.

I dont understand why people on here are so quick to want to knock the OP down - she isnt a snowflake for not liking the implication that she was on a lovely long break from work, we dont know how hard or easy she has found it.

It's irrelevant, she was still off of work which is what colleagues are on about.

But you were off work for a year though? Maternity leave is hardly a jolly but you were off work. I don’t think the last year or so has been a barrel of laughs for anyone really, l work in healthcare and it’s been carnage. 3 of my colleagues nearly died from COVID and their health has been permanently damaged. My personal favourite when people come back from a years maternity leave but then don’t want to work the Christmas, despite the fact they had the last Christmas off work

It’s pretty stupid to say it’s a year off, especially during COVID and when friends have had kids with health issues :( in some instances I do agree though, but that’s because some jobs are just so awful and a reflection of how bad they are!

It’s pretty stupid to say it’s a year off

It's pretty stupid to say it's not a year off when it is clearly a year off.

@leeds2glasgow

Op:Aibu? Everyone: yes op: stamps feet

I give up.

Did you read the thread? That's not how it's gone at all. Plenty of people understand how annoying and sexist this is, it's not because you can't see it or don't want to see it that many other are not able to.

nobody imagines it was delivered by Hermes.

🤣

@toocoldforsno

It’s pretty stupid to say it’s a year off

It's pretty stupid to say it's not a year off when it is clearly a year off.

It's a year away, not a year off. It's hardly complicated, time off, you are having a break, time away, you just aren't there.

Plenty of people understand how annoying and sexist this is, it's not because you can't see it or don't want to see it that many other are not able to

It's not sexist in the slightest to say a year off work is a year off work. My DH is just back from six months off work for parental leave. He, I, his boss and everyone with a brain knows he had six months off work.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross you’re making me think of ex friend who thought people with children should start later and finish earlier at work. But get paid the same amount as they were busier than people with no children . I pointed out having children was a lifestyle choice and what about people with other caring responsibilities but she couldn’t get her head round either of them

Also, she was on maternity leave. How hard is it to say she was on maternity leave. Unless you have problems with four syllable words, just use the correct term. It's not hard.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

Oh good lord I'm glad to be back for a rest. It the first time I've drunk a warm cup of tea in a year. Right what did I miss.

^^ this

Ditto going to the toilet on your own

Honestly I think that some people are looking to be perpetually offended.🙄. Most people view it as a year out and your colleagues are just making small talk.

It's a year away, not a year off. It's hardly complicated, time off, you are having a break, time away, you just aren't there

Don't be ridiculous. If you take a weeks annual leave, you have a week off. It doesn't matter if you went on holiday or you spent it clearing out your attic, you had a week off work and you know that.

@Backstreetsbackalrightdadada

It’s pretty stupid to say it’s a year off, especially during COVID and when friends have had kids with health issues :( in some instances I do agree though, but that’s because some jobs are just so awful and a reflection of how bad they are!

But it is a year off from being at the workplace If I'm off for a year with health issues, that's awful for me but I'm STILL off work for a year, even if I'm unwell and in hospital for most of it.

Can anyone explain why 12 months away from work on maternity leave us not a year off work?