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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been angry about what my child’s father said

160 replies

Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:20

Trigger warning - disability discrimination.

My ex wanted to take our 16 month old daughter to ‘Tiny Talk’ which is a baby communication group that I pay for her to go to because it’s the only thing open here atm.

When he finished the session and brought her out to me he said that he had noticed that some of the children in the group had Downs Syndrome and he seemed to be implying that our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it.

This really upset me. I think it’s irrelevant. And I don’t want his bigotry to rub off on our daughter. It never even crossed my mind when I took her.

So I told him to please think about the prejudiced remarks that come out of his mouth because otherwise he will upset a lot of people and dd will also pick it up.

His response was to say that I took his remarks out of context and that I’m manipulative and twist his words.

I don’t think so - I don’t think it’s something he should have even mentioned. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:21

By the way, we are separated (thank god).

OP posts:
StreetLightsHoney · 12/05/2021 10:22

YABU. It sounds like he just mentioned a fact - that there were Downs Syndrome children there - and you took it the wrong way with your implications because you have previous bad history with him.

AlmostSummer21 · 12/05/2021 10:23

Depending on his tone & general attitude I would have taken it to mean she's using a space that a child with DS could better use.

It I'm not familiar with 'tiny talk' so not sure if it's aimed for anyone or children with needs?!

MontysRoseGarden · 12/05/2021 10:23

It sounds like you twisted his words here too.....’he seemed to be implying our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it’

Maybe he thought it was special needs only?

Then you say it’s bigotry?

AlmostSummer21 · 12/05/2021 10:23

@SugarbabyMilly

By the way, we are separated (thank god).
Yeah, the clue was in EX! 🤣
Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:24

He definitely wasn't thinking about the children with disabilities that could 'better use the space'

It's a group for everyone.

OP posts:
toocoldforsno · 12/05/2021 10:24

he had noticed that some of the children in the group had Downs Syndrome and he seemed to be implying that our daughter shouldn’t go to the group because she doesn’t have it

What did he actually SAY though?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:26

Ok, here's what he actually said

Him 'Why do some of the children at the group have downs syndrome'

Me : 'why would it be a problem if they do?'

Him : 'Well she doesn't. Can't she go to a group for kids like her?'

OP posts:
SingingSands · 12/05/2021 10:27

Was he just commenting on what he observed? You might have taken his comment the wrong way.

SingingSands · 12/05/2021 10:28

Oh well that was a massive drip feed wasn't it?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:29

No it wasn't a drip feed - I said what he was implying in the OP.

OP posts:
MontysRoseGarden · 12/05/2021 10:29

Can’t be arsed with goady drip feeding threads

bananamonkey · 12/05/2021 10:30

Tiny Talk is just a franchise of baby signing, it’s for everyone.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 12/05/2021 10:30

@SugarbabyMilly

Ok, here's what he actually said

Him 'Why do some of the children at the group have downs syndrome'

Me : 'why would it be a problem if they do?'

Him : 'Well she doesn't. Can't she go to a group for kids like her?'

So he didn’t ‘imply’ that she shouldn’t go as you originally posted, he out and out said it?

You’ve told him that you find his attitude unacceptable. Next time he asks to take your daughter to the group, refuse.

MontysRoseGarden · 12/05/2021 10:31

No you just Dave YOUR version of what he said, your opinion

2 sides and all that!!

Pumperthepumper · 12/05/2021 10:32

He’s a dick. I’d be really concerned that’s the attitude he’ll normalise around your daughter.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:33

@MontysRoseGarden I'm awfully sorry.

I didn't realise that I need to qualify the OP with a word for word conversation. I said what he implied in the OP Hmm and you didn't believe me.

It's not goady at all. I am genuinely concerned about his attitude and whether it will rub off. In our household 3/5 of us (at least) are autistic.

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 12/05/2021 10:33

Well you were a bit vague in your OP he didn't imply it he straight out said it.
It was a massive drop feed but if that's what he said then obviously YANBU and he's a dick.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:34

I'm sorry if my OP wasn't clear. I am autistic myself so I sometimes probably don't make things clear enough.

OP posts:
MontysRoseGarden · 12/05/2021 10:39

It’s Aibu.... typical response

rosiedeus · 12/05/2021 10:42

YANBU
I have two sons with special needs, and I hate when parents don't want their NT children to mix with mine.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:43

@MontysRoseGarden yes but that’s not an excuse to be nasty and accuse me of starting the thread to be goady.

It made me depressed. I don’t know how to address it because he flies off the handle.

OP posts:
SingingSands · 12/05/2021 10:43

Well, following the update, to answer your question id like to say you are right OP. It's not a nice attitude at all. Mixing with children of all abilities will only be good for your DD and good for all children. And yes, your ex is being twatty by suggesting your DD doesn't attend this group.

It's so hard for children with any sort of disability, however slight, to be accepted into children's activity groups and friendship groups, so you carry on taking DD and enjoying the fun, your ex can sit at hime and think about changing his attitude!

PegPeople · 12/05/2021 10:44

If that's what he said word for word why on earth would you need to ask if he's being unreasonable? You already know he is.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 12/05/2021 10:45

@PegPeople

If that's what he said word for word why on earth would you need to ask if he's being unreasonable? You already know he is.
He has a way of making me think I’m mad.
OP posts:
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