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Original poster

Is it ever okay to hit someone in an argument?

176 replies

Needadvice1996 · 11/05/2021 08:09

NC for this as just feel embarrassed how the whole situation began.
Argued with my partner last night which I admit was entirely my fault. Went to a bbq in the evening to celebrate my cousin’s birthday, we stayed out later which was out of DD’s routine. We arrived home at 8:30pm.

I always give DD a bath and bottle before bed as part of her nighttime routine. I am very strict with it which I think is caused by having PND. Partner insisted DD did not need the bath and to just have a bottle and go to bed. I did this however very unlike her she took a long while to settle. I then blamed my partner saying if she had the bath it would have settled her, I admit now this is wrong. I think my anxiety almost feels like it needs that structure of routine. I did raise my voice and I can understand why he was annoyed.
However then things got more heated. He showed me the baby monitor to show DD was asleep and then grabbed my head and whacked me 3 times with the baby monitor.
He has pushed me before which hasn’t particularly hurt but he has never hit me with something. It really hurt. The argument then ended there as I was just so scared and upset. I did apologise for what I had done and partner admitted too he shouldn’t have hit me, but then said he was provoked to do so? Is this ever okay?

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 11/05/2021 08:11

No it’s never ok time to leave

LostThings · 11/05/2021 08:11

Short answer is no, it is never ok. Sorry OP.

Sassymcsasserson · 11/05/2021 08:13

Definitely not ok, sorry.

Eekdunno · 11/05/2021 08:13

No never ok to lay hand sin anyone in an argument
As you've seen, it always gets worse, first pushing you now hitting you with something, do you want to really stick around to find out what's next?
It doesn't matter if you were in the wrong, little disagreements between tired parents are normal, hitting someone with a baby monitor is far from normal

RhodaDendron · 11/05/2021 08:13

No, this is never ok, and nothing you did led to this action. You did not provoke him into hitting you. It is relevant whether you were right or wrong about your daughter’s routine. The fact he has pushed you before is not good either. I hope you are ok.

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 11/05/2021 08:13

Never ok. Leave him before it escalates

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 11/05/2021 08:13

No.
You need to leave him. I'm sorry.

TwinkleToeMatilda · 11/05/2021 08:14

You know this isn’t ok otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here. Get help NOW.

Mumdiva99 · 11/05/2021 08:15

No. Please look after yourself. Never ok.

Love2cycle · 11/05/2021 08:16

It sounds like you want someone to say that it is okay, so you don't have to break up with him. Sorry but that's not going to happen x

OppsUpsSide · 11/05/2021 08:17

Definitely not OK, you can’t stay with him.

Thehawki · 11/05/2021 08:17

It is NOT okay. You need to leave, this man is dangerous. What if he gets angry with your daughter one day. Or angry with you in front of her? This is not normal, this is abusive. Do you have anyone you can call to help you leave OP?

Queenoftheashes · 11/05/2021 08:17

Of course he shouldn’t be beating you with an object - and his apology blamed you? You should get out now. You seem very convinced that you were in the wrong when I doesn’t sound like you were at all. It sounds like he was wrong and your crime was pointing it out. So you get punished for challenging him.

Solina · 11/05/2021 08:18

It is never ok. Anyone lays hands on you even once and it is time to leave. Hope you will be ok Flowers

Bigbluebuttons · 11/05/2021 08:18

That’s appalling. Truly.

HannaHat · 11/05/2021 08:18

No one should be hitting anyone, especially when they’re bigger and stronger.
I doubt it will be the first time either.

Claire4567 · 11/05/2021 08:22

Not OK. Very much not OK. This will escalate and there will be a next time, and a next time. You need to think of you and your child's future.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/05/2021 08:23

please leave. This will.only get worse

MishMashMummy · 11/05/2021 08:24

No, it’s absolutely never ok. Please leave this relationship. It’s only going to get worse.

RhubarbCustardy · 11/05/2021 08:24

Leave OP. If he gets away with it once then it will continue. Speak to someone in rl. It's not embarrassing for you, it is for him. You had an argument, that happens sometimes. His reaction is 100% wrong. I'm not being dramatic-get out before he kills you.

MinnieJackson · 11/05/2021 08:25

No not ok Flowers

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 11/05/2021 08:25

When your daughter starts growing up, will it be too for him to do that to her?

What if your daughter was standing there watching as he battered you? Would that be ok?

You cannot stay in a relationship where you are in danger. You cannot stay in a relationship which models male violence as normal for your daughter.

Call the police. Even if just to make sure there is a papertrail of the behaviour. Call them. And pack you things today and leave.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/05/2021 08:25

Would you want him hitting your daughter? I hope not. So it’s not okay that he hit you. You owe it to her to leave.

Sciurus83 · 11/05/2021 08:26

Oh goodness. There's no wonder you are anxious. I'm sorry OP but you are in a domestic violence situation and neither you or your child are safe with this man. These things never get better from here only worse. Do you have somewhere safe you can go? Family, friends? This is not in any way your fault, you do not apologise for this, provoked is never an excuse (and really a tired spat over a bedtime routine is hardly a provocation for violence). Please call women's aid and get some advice and speak to someone about what has happened. This is really serious OP, and staying with this man will damage you mentally. Do you have somewhere you can go? Flowers

luxurychocolate · 11/05/2021 08:27

It's never ok.

He's pushed you before. = not ok (ok you say it didn't hurt but if your been at the top of the stairs/ holding a glass/ fell over and broke your arm the outcome would have been different

He's now hit you over the head three times with hard object. Definitely not ok.

If someone came along in street and did this to your baby or he did this to your baby - would be wondering if it was ok?

It will get worse. I know leaving is really hard to do but you must. I've been there. Took me a year of preparing and it was tough but best decision.