Is it ever okay to hit someone in an argument?

[Needadvice1996]

NC for this as just feel embarrassed how the whole situation began.
Argued with my partner last night which I admit was entirely my fault. Went to a bbq in the evening to celebrate my cousin’s birthday, we stayed out later which was out of DD’s routine. We arrived home at 8:30pm.

I always give DD a bath and bottle before bed as part of her nighttime routine. I am very strict with it which I think is caused by having PND. Partner insisted DD did not need the bath and to just have a bottle and go to bed. I did this however very unlike her she took a long while to settle. I then blamed my partner saying if she had the bath it would have settled her, I admit now this is wrong. I think my anxiety almost feels like it needs that structure of routine. I did raise my voice and I can understand why he was annoyed.
However then things got more heated. He showed me the baby monitor to show DD was asleep and then grabbed my head and whacked me 3 times with the baby monitor.
He has pushed me before which hasn’t particularly hurt but he has never hit me with something. It really hurt. The argument then ended there as I was just so scared and upset. I did apologise for what I had done and partner admitted too he shouldn’t have hit me, but then said he was provoked to do so? Is this ever okay?

Ah, come on, you know this is never ok. He assaulted you. Don't fall for the 'you provoked me' bullshit. This is only going to get worse.

No and if you let this pass and “get past it” what could happen next. In a heated argument will you cave because at the back of your mind you think “I might get a whack soon”?

This has genuinely shocked me. What an absolute bastard. Leave him now. It will only get worse.

Also your thinking isn’t unusual, which is why some women can get hit a lot of times over a long period before really knowing they are in a domestic violence situation.

It's not ok. It's never ok.
You did nothing to cause this.
It's escalating already from pushes to being hit with an object.
Every time her gets away with it he will push the boundaries further.

Report to the police. Today.

And leave. Please. For your safety.

Don't bring your baby up around violence.

Never okay. You're in an abusive relationship. Please leave and please tell the police so that it is recorded - your H will twist this round and continue to make you feel it was your fault if you don't. Do you have somewhere to go?

Please leave. It can only get worse.

This is just awful. No, it is never acceptable to hit anyone during an argument. Please keep posting here, and other women who have escaped domestic violence will help you to make plans to leave him.

You and your daughter deserve way better than this.

There’s also the fact he apologised, but in doing so turned it around to say it was your fault for provoking him.
This is not right.

No. Leave him before he kills you. That's where this leads: you losing your life and your little girl losing her mum forever.

Oh god, it is the ' look what you made me do' thing. Get out. Pushing has gone to hitting. It will be hands round throat next.

I'm so sorry. Please take the help and advice offered here and get out while you can.

He used an inanimate object to beat you with, because you were upset your routine had changed.

If someone else told you this had happened to them, what would you think?
Not ok. Leave and protect yourself and your child.

Do YOU think hitting anyone three times on the head with a baby monitor is ok?

Slightly against the grain (but not completely) living with someone who is controlling and has serious anxiety is similar to emotional abuse. Would you drop it or did you go on and on? People who are being emotionally abused snap and can seem like the crazy one. You both have your issues.
If you want to try to save the marriage, then one of you needs to live elsewhere while you do it. I totally agree that you can't carry on living together.
If that's not the case of you getting more 'heated' and louder over something that wasn't happening, then end things without a doubt.

It’s not okay. The argument wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry you are in this situation. I also think you need to get away from him.

Jesus Christ. NO.

Violence is a choice. He chose to hurt you. He will do it again. Get as far away as you can.

Agree with above PP time to leave ASAP!

It is never ever ok and a line that once crossed cannot be returned from. I fully accept with PND with my DC I was extremely difficult to live with. Still never ok to use violence for either side (I disagree with a pp that especially if you are bigger and stringer it is for absolutely everyone a line never to cross).

Again there is absolutely no justification for violence unless his life was immediately and physically at risk and he was pushing you away to survive. That's it.thats the only time.

Do not play this down
No violence ...ever.

Oh sorry, I hit YABU but I have misunderstood the BU bit....

It is NEVER ok. You did nothing to deserve being hit. He is a brute. Please get some real life support and advice with this.

Not ok. Never ok.

NOT your fault.

Please leave him, if not for yourself then for your daughter

Witnessing domestic violence changes a baby's brain development and can cause all kinds of problems with their neurological and emotional development that you'd never have thought possible.

No it’s not ok. Making excuses the first time is the biggest mistake I made.
I would strongly suggest you consider ending the relationship.

It is never ever okay, once he's done it once he'll do it again. You need to get out now.

No. Never ok.

This has really upset me, I know it probably didn't hurt particularly but it must've been such a shock. I hope you are ok. x

Never OK. You need to leave 💐

Please leave. You will be fine and you can do this on your own speaking from experience. You sound like your blaming yourself when the only person who is responsible for hitting you is him. You will both be ok without him. Stay safe!