That car seat costs are not worthy of judgement.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I just need a rant!

Is anyone else sick of being looked at like you’ve lost your mind when people find out how much you’ve spent on a car seat?

People spend God knows how much on a next-2-me cot, but you spend the same amount on a car seat to be faced with looks of horror and, “Are you mad?” comments.

It’s socially fine to spend £500 on a fancy pram but goodness me, if you spend £150 on a car seat you’re out of your mind.

I’m finding this attitude becoming more and more frequent and I can’t understand why it’s absolutely fine to spend so much money on items as mentioned above, but it seems acceptable to sneer at those who spend £200(ish) on a car seat that can actually save your baby’s life.

You’re almost shamed for it!!

BTW - this post is in no way related to people who can’t afford to spend this amount of money on a car seat, but purely about the double standards of society.

I just don’t get it.

@ClarkeGriffin

Well you did spend a lot, but that's your choice. I just had a look at car seats and can't see much difference between the expensive ones and the cheap ones, other than the expensive one swivels.

It's just a marketing gimmick with all baby stuff, you must have this or your baby will suffer, must have this or they might never grow up!

Not a marketing gimmick. ERF car seats are tested to a much higher standard than the appallingly low car seat UK car seat safety tests. The best car seats are ERF ones that have passed a thing called the Swedish Plus test. Facts and scientific-backed safety research.

There is a huge difference in what they offer in safety.

Why don't you just stop telling people how much you spend on things?!

When it comes to spending money on anything, some people will think you are mad for spending so much, others for spending too little. Why do you care?

@Mrsfrumble

Just out of curiosity; what’s the oldest a child has stayed rear facing in a 25kg seat? DS has only just passed 25kg and he’s 10.5.

We don’t even own a car, so it’s theoretical.

I have rear faced children to 5 in ERF seats. It became impractical as they were getting too leggy. Then moved to very high safety standard high babies boosters and still in them (one child is nearly 10 but needs it for height/weight).

Your child's safety should be the most important thing

For most people it is. That doesn’t mean car seats need to be the ‘biggest baby expense’. That’s what’s ridiculous.

Several posters are taking this thread in an odd direction whereby unless you trawl the internet to find the most expensive car seat there is you’re doing it wrong and don’t care about your baby’s safety.

@Katyppp

This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement. And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.

To be honest. Yes. I judge... silently, but I do.

If someone has chosen a bloody expensive pram but the cheapest car seat, then - yes. That's wrong.

If someone clothes their children in expensive clothes but has a low safety standard cheaply car seat - that's wrong.

They are prioritising looks over safety where they could afford to do better.

If someone hasn't got much money but has bought a good quality rearfacing car seat like a Britax two way elite, I judge... favourably. As they have done their research, saved up and gone for the safest option.

It's all about priorities. Children aren't there to be our fashion accessories. If we are driving them around then it's our responsibility as their parents to keep them as safe as possible.

I saved. I put away a few quid here and there and saved up. I sold things I didn't need. I got hand me downs of baby things where I could. I only paid full price for a hew mattress and a really good quality car seat. It's very doable

@TheKeatingFive

Your child's safety should be the most important thing

For most people it is. That doesn’t mean car seats need to be the ‘biggest baby expense’. That’s what’s ridiculous.

Several posters are taking this thread in an odd direction whereby unless you trawl the internet to find the most expensive car seat there is you’re doing it wrong and don’t care about your baby’s safety.

The biggest baby expense = the one you invest more in.

First you have the starting baby seat with a good isofix base where possible.

A good quality rearfacing car seat will cost you around £180-400 at least

Then a high safety-rated highbacked booster.

These aren't cheap. You have to budget and save for them if you're like me. I estimate I've spent around £1200 in total over the years and I had to really save and organise myself for that

My stroller was secondhand and so was my cot. Only the mattress cost a lot.

So. Yes. Proper car seat safety costs. It's probably the biggest cost that you should have. Rest is just icing on the cake.

It's probably the biggest cost that you should have.

What’s this ‘should’ business about though?

I could spend €1,200 on car seats (I presume that’s over a few seats) and more than that on a pram. What’s the problem with that if that’s how I want to spend my money and can afford it?

@TheKeatingFive

It's probably the biggest cost that you should have.

What’s this ‘should’ business about though?

I could spend €1,200 on car seats (I presume that’s over a few seats) and more than that on a pram. What’s the problem with that if that’s how I want to spend my money and can afford it?

The 'should' refers to the priority people should place on car seat safety.

If someone has chosen a bloody expensive pram but the cheapest car seat, then - yes. That's wrong.

If anyone actually knew anyone doing that, that would be one thing.

It’s certainly not my experience.

The 'should' refers to the priority people should place on car seat safety.

Your original post said the car seat ‘should' be your biggest expense.

What?

DC1 is now 30. Her car seat was £70 which seemed a horrendous amount of money to us at the time. It didnt swivel or be part of a travel system thingy.Just lifted in and out. Life was simpler back then...

I dont think I've ever discussed the cost of car seats, at all. None of the people I know was remotely interested in anyone else's car seat, or in judging whether you have cracked and finally let your 5 year old forward face.

My granddaughter screams as soon as she's put in the car seat. Has done since the first journey home.

My daughter recently bought a swivel seat and granddaughter continued to travel backwards facing. Screaming.

Turn the chair forwards facing. No screaming - happy baby.

My daughter can now make the half hour journey to the beach and have a good walk along the beach without having to contemplate driving in heavy traffic with a Tasmanian devil behind her.

I've no idea what she paid but she has mentioned that I should buy one if ever I should need to transport my granddaughter.

I have a soft top Porsche. 😉

Cant say that in 4 kids and 20 years of parenting I’ve ever discussed how much any of those things cost me.

There is nowt more tedious than car seat baby chat. In fact, all baby chat is boring AF,

“No, I don’t care you have a Stokke Von Trapp with matching cot in ‘silken dove’ grey. Nor do I care that your car seat passed German safety checks which are infinitely more thorough and German than British ones. Fuck off. It’s boring.”

The only issue I have with car seats is that people think that buying a really expensive car sear is safer and that’s not always the case. Conversely people think that just because they sell car seats for 30 quid, they have to meet basic safety standards.

When I was looking for car seats over a decade ago, I used Which? to see how their tests rated car seats. Two of their “don’t buy” advisories were for the most expensive seats on the market, and one was for a really cheap one. These were seats that would do more harm than good in an accident. The expensive ones were deemed somewhat safe if they were properly fitted, but the fitting process was complex and easy to get wrong. Your standard Euro safety rating doesn’t take that in to account.

Our car seat was the only thing we really spent money on and I did feel a bit guilty but I wanted a proper lie flat one. (Glad I did, DD came out tiny and I've no idea how I'd have got her into a conventional one to get home from the hospital!)

No one's judged me for it though. My parents were surprised at the cost but just took it that that's what they cost nowadays!

I can feel SIL gearing up to judge me if I move her to forward facing before she (SIL) thinks I should though. She keeps going on about it, and it really winds me up. It's not like I've said I want to move her to FF or anything, in fact she probably will RF for ages, I just don't want to be told about it at every opportunity!

my mum had it so much easier, we just used to stand up behind the front seats and hang on to them, then when she had my youngest brother we had to sit on the back seat and hold his carry cot in the middle so it didnt slide forward when she braked, ah, the good old days!, no judgement, all kids were transported in the same fashion, unless it was a day out and tehn she would squeeze as many in the back as possible.

surely any car seat is better than that, stop with the judgement!

btw, my mum is now in her 80s and shudders with the thought of how we used to travel, they once made us 'beds' in the back of dads viva estate so we could sleep our way to france, when my brother woke up he was given a cushion on the handbrake to sit on as my nana, me, my mum and my younger brother were all on the back seat!

Glad I did, DD came out tiny and I've no idea how I'd have got her into a conventional one to get home from the hospital!

DD was 3lbs 7oz at birth, just under 5lbs when we took her home. Conventional car seat was fine with the right insert.

my mum is now in her 80s and shudders with the thought of how we used to travel, they once made us 'beds' in the back of dads viva estate so we could sleep

We did this often too. And two of us often sat in the boot of an estate car when we went out with our cousins. It was only when my auntie had an accident and the shopping in the boot of her car ended up hanging from a tree that we stopped doing it. That was in the late 80s.

Funny thing was, my parents had harness seatbelts in the car for us from when we were little in the late 70s, and were militant about us wearing them long before they became standard. Dad was a driving examiner and was all about the safety, but for some reason they still took some weird risks. She had a go at me when I turned up at hers with DD ‘s car seat in the front (really long journey during her screamy car seat phase, just me and her) I reminded her of how we used to make that journey lying unrestrained in the boot so we would sleep. She didn’t like that!

The replies you've had on this thread just goes to show that there are plenty of judgmental knobs out there when it comes to carseats. "A decent carseat costs £300-500" being one. Well some parents would struggle to spend a months rent or grocery money on a car seat. It doesn't mean they love their kids any less or don't care about their safety. It might mean, shock horror, that they're not as privileged as you. I can't imagine judging someone for forward facing their kid, or spending within their means on a child seat. Life's too short to give a fuck about other people's car seats.

If someone hasn't got much money but has bought a good quality rearfacing car seat like a Britax two way elite, I judge... favourably. As they have done their research, saved up and gone for the safest option.

But the simple fact is its none of your bloody business, why are you judging this person at all?! Wind your nose in and worry about your own kids.

ThankYouHunkyJesus
I'd never judge anyone for buying the best car seat within their means. That would be an awful thing to do.
I also think people saying you have to spend half a grand on a good car seat are silly because you can get some that still pass the Sweedish Plus test for less than that.

But I do judge people who rewrite the facts in order to dismiss them (E.g. Claiming all car seats meet the same standards when they don't, claiming there's no difference between forward facing and rear facing impacts when there is). I also roll my eyes a little when people try to dismiss others saying they would rather but seats that pass higher safety tests by saying things such as 'so you're saying anyone who doesn't buy a fancy seat doesn't love their children or doesn't care about safety'.

I find it odd that anyone would choose to put their money into fancy non-safety items and then get arsey and defensive about those who buy car seats with higher safety testing, but the only person who is making them feel bad about their choice is them.