That car seat costs are not worthy of judgement.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I just need a rant!

Is anyone else sick of being looked at like you’ve lost your mind when people find out how much you’ve spent on a car seat?

People spend God knows how much on a next-2-me cot, but you spend the same amount on a car seat to be faced with looks of horror and, “Are you mad?” comments.

It’s socially fine to spend £500 on a fancy pram but goodness me, if you spend £150 on a car seat you’re out of your mind.

I’m finding this attitude becoming more and more frequent and I can’t understand why it’s absolutely fine to spend so much money on items as mentioned above, but it seems acceptable to sneer at those who spend £200(ish) on a car seat that can actually save your baby’s life.

You’re almost shamed for it!!

BTW - this post is in no way related to people who can’t afford to spend this amount of money on a car seat, but purely about the double standards of society.

I just don’t get it.

@Mrsfrumble they’d likely outgrow by height before weight. Around 7 is usually when people tend to move to HBB’s though

And as for the person calling the grandparent with a tiny, sporty car “a knob”, just listen to yourself! I’m always gobsmacked by the assumption on here that grandparents will be readily available to provide free childcare demand, but expecting them to base their car choice on ferrying around grandchildren is a new level of entitlement

X-post with @YerAWizardHarry (in case that seemed a needlessly aggressive response to a polite answer to my question )

I can imagine DS’s response to me trying to fold him into a RF car seat these days. It would not be pretty...

@Angelica789

I can understand why it’s a touchy subject. If I spent £100 on a car seat then found out a friend had spent £600 my concern would be that she’d think I don’t value my baby’s life as much as she values the life of her own baby.

A pram is different. That’s a purely consumerist choice with no value judgement or feeling of guilt around safety attached to it.

I think this is it, really.

Also - this kind of thing could easily come up in conversation without people having to be horrified at the mind-numbing, soul-destroying boredom of it as a topic 😂 parents discuss these things! Friends ask friends for recommendations, or pass on discount code, or even pass on the car seats themselves - it's surely not that unexpected, as a topic of conversation?!

I do remember a friend of mine asking why I didn't just get another of the same car seat, when I mentioned it was a bugger to move between cars - she was horrified when I said it'd been too expensive for us to buy another the same and I remember thinking to myself at the time that it probably cost less than her travel system!

@Mrsfrumble

Just out of curiosity; what’s the oldest a child has stayed rear facing in a 25kg seat? DS has only just passed 25kg and he’s 10.5.

We don’t even own a car, so it’s theoretical.

My 8 year old is 19kg and the shortest in her class. She’d probably fit in an ERF for a couple of years yet. She actually stayed rear facing until 4, but then started vomiting every time we went in the car so moved her to FF and she hasn’t been car sick since. She can’t sit facing backwards on trains either.

@Mrsfrumble

And as for the person calling the grandparent with a tiny, sporty car “a knob”, just listen to yourself! I’m always gobsmacked by the assumption on here that grandparents will be readily available to provide free childcare demand, but expecting them to base their car choice on ferrying around grandchildren is a new level of entitlement

I know! Who on earth expects grandparents to base their life choices around looking after their own offspring! My mum can drive any car she bloody well chooses.

I have had fairly expensive car seats for my children. It’s something I was brought up to buy “the best you can afford”. Not in the sense of frippery like leather upholstery, but aspects that impacted on safety.

Where I do judge with car seats is people who don’t use them, people don’t fit them properly to both child and car, and people who buy fancy prams and expensive cars with good ncap ratings and then buy the cheapest and most basic car seat that barely scrapes through the regulations.

I judge, but only because I'm tight! I didn't/don't spend a lot on car seats, cots or prams. As long as it isn't second hand, I don't mind.

I think one of the issues with spending a lot on carseats is there's not really much of a second hand market. You see £150 carseats bring sold for a tenner whereas on a new buggy you expect to sell for about half what you paid.

That said, I have got expensive Maxicosi and BeSafe carseats for my children and have just written off the cost.

I am more the other way round to what the OP describes, there is a parent in my children's private school, in a BMW with really cheap looking Disney type carseats and I do find it hard not to judge a bit.

I do remember a friend of mine asking why I didn't just get another of the same car seat, when I mentioned it was a bugger to move between cars - she was horrified when I said it'd been too expensive for us to buy another the same and I remember thinking to myself at the time that it probably cost less than her travel system!

Prior to the new one I had a Joie stages and in that instance we had two of them but that was because they weren’t overly expensive - about £130 I think.

The one I got the other day was £185 in the sale but there’s probably little chance we could afford to buy a second one now that it’s back at normal price.

At the moment it’s not such an issue as I’m currently not driving, but when I do start driving again it’s something we may have to consider. Like you said, it can be an expensive game buying two of them whereas some people would spend twice as much on just a travel system.

@Mrsfrumble

Just out of curiosity; what’s the oldest a child has stayed rear facing in a 25kg seat? DS has only just passed 25kg and he’s 10.5.

We don’t even own a car, so it’s theoretical.

It's a height and a weight limit. So 25kg is the weight but will also have a height limit too. I'd be surprised to see any child over the age of 8 still fitting in unless they were on the very very low centiles flr both height and weight. Tall low weigh children probably outgrow by 7 max.

My 8 year old is shorter than my 5 year old so I assume would still be within the height limit of most 25kg seats.

This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement.
And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.

@Katyppp

This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement. And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.

Some ERF car seats are no more expensive then forward facing ones and considerably cheaper than some brands

I’ve just gone on which and 9if the 18 don’t buy car seats are expensive ones - by that I mean over £200

They are by no means all cheap ones. Some of them are by brands at face value millions of parents would trust.

@HercwasanEnemyofEducation

The Britax isn't suitable from birth though. Therefore the every stage is better value for money.

The Britax tether is also not suitable for some cars.

Thirdly the leg space with any RF seat and my kids body made them uncomfortable from just over 3.

I know it isn’t suitable from birth I bought it when my children had outgrown the maxicosi pebble seat.

Also when rear facing you don’t need top tethers obviously and use the base or bite points of the fron passenger seat. Furthermore it is no seatbelt in the way so quite accessible for children. If it’s Used upright there is more room for the front adult passenger.

In any event I did buy the joie every stage 123 myself as I was told by in car safety centre it was the only one I could use on my front passenger seat (no room for a HBB and two erf car seat in the back of my car) . But I wouldn’t use it forward facing as the reviews are not great. So I feel for me it was not value for money beyond 18 Kgs

I don’t judge other parents it is their business what they do but I make it my business to equip myself with knowledge about car seat safety for my own children. I don’t have a lot of money but if you use a car a lot and travel extensively in it then it’s worth it.

A three year old child is not physically as safe in a belted hbb forward facing booster due to their immature anatomy and skeletal structure. Their pelvic crests are not developed enough and in a crash they would be far far safer facing backwards. Many of the erf seats also have tilts though and rise up so taller children can be accommodated. All my children are tall so I’ve had this problem too.

I've never discussed this.

This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement.
And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.
I think more judgement is dished out the other way, usually from the starting point that people who spend more than £50 on a seat have fallen for gimmicks, fallen for marketing, that all seats meet the same standards, there's no difference between seats, it's people just trying to feel they're superior, people wanting to flash the cash etc.

Then when people point out that some of these seats are actually held to a higher safety standard, the defensiveness kicks in with "so are you saying I don't care about about child's safety?"

Parent A saying they would rather buy a seat that passes a higher level of safety testing does not equal "I think Parent B doesn't care about their child". The only reason Parent B would jump to that conclusion is if they know they could have bought a seat that passes higher safety testing but chose to spend the money on other things. In that situation the only person making Parent B feel bad is Parent B. Parent C knows they got the best seat they could afford, which may or may not have the highest level of testing, but they know they did the best decision for them so doesn't get defensive about other people making different choices.

I've never heard judgement of people buying expensive car seats. But have the other way round, of people who buy cheap car seats that use the old safety standard.

To be honest I can see why, I don't really understand why anyone would buy cheap seats that don't do the side impact testing. I wouldn't be happy for my baby to go into one of those car seats.

“This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement.
And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.”

Yep. I’ll admit that. Obviously some people can only afford the most basic seat. That’s the best they can afford and is absolutely miles better than no seat. No judgement from me. But yes I judge people who drive a new Audi, buy a Bugaboo pram and then drive their older child around in a £30 Batman themed super basic seat from Argos. I wouldn’t say anything, but yes I judge silently in my head. Whether they’re stupid, ignorant or just don’t care I have no idea and I don’t think it matters.

“This thread is absolutely dripping with judgement.
And mostly from people who have chosen expensive seats because safety comes first, with the implication being people who choose cheaper seats are either thick or don't care about their children's safety. Or both.”

Yep. I’ll admit that. Obviously some people can only afford the most basic seat. That’s the best they can afford and is absolutely miles better than no seat. No judgement from me. But yes I judge people who drive a new Audi, buy a Bugaboo pram and then drive their older child around in a £30 Batman themed super basic seat from Argos. I wouldn’t say anything, but yes I judge silently in my head. Whether they’re stupid, ignorant or just don’t care I have no idea and I don’t think it matters.

Friends do seem to feel uncomfortable when they see our kids seats (rear-facing at nearly 4 y). They say that they know you are supposed to but they didn’t. I don’t start the conversation and I usually say ‘oh, let’s see how much longer it lasts.
I guess it’s not a cost thing because their kids are all at private schools.
I do think it’s awful that car seat safety is such a complex topic. Parents are put in a very difficult position.

But yes I judge people who drive a new Audi, buy a Bugaboo pram and then drive their older child around in a £30 Batman themed super basic seat from Argos

I don’t think this consumption pattern is too common though.

Most people of this income level, based on my experience, would buy a decent car seat. Perhaps not the most expensive it’s possible to buy, that they put weeks of research into, but a highly rated one.

But yes I judge people who drive a new Audi, buy a Bugaboo pram and then drive their older child around in a £30 Batman themed super basic seat from Argos

I don’t think this consumption pattern is too common though.

Most people of this income level, based on my experience, would buy a decent car seat. Perhaps not the most expensive it’s possible to buy, that they put weeks of research into, but a highly rated one.

But yes I judge people who drive a new Audi, buy a Bugaboo pram and then drive their older child around in a £30 Batman themed super basic seat from Argos

I don’t think this consumption pattern is too common though.

Most people of this income level, based on my experience, would buy a decent car seat. Perhaps not the most expensive it’s possible to buy, that they put weeks of research into, but a highly rated one.

@TheKeatingFive

but car seats should be the biggest baby expense.

What a bizarre thing to say. It’s perfectly possible to get a highly rated car seat and spend more money on something else, for a multitude of reasons.

Trying to lay down the law on what others ‘should’ spend their money on is a bit odd.

Not buzzard at all. Car safety is more important than a flashy pram, expensive cot or new clothes. A good quality baby carrier followed by an extended rearfacing car seat should be the financial priority for anyone who owns a car, along with a new mattress. Rest can be done secondhand if necessary. Your child's safety should be the most important thing, not what they wear or any potential status symbol pram!