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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That car seat costs are not worthy of judgement.

211 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 11/05/2021 08:08

I just need a rant!

Is anyone else sick of being looked at like you’ve lost your mind when people find out how much you’ve spent on a car seat?

People spend God knows how much on a next-2-me cot, but you spend the same amount on a car seat to be faced with looks of horror and, “Are you mad?” comments.

It’s socially fine to spend £500 on a fancy pram but goodness me, if you spend £150 on a car seat you’re out of your mind.

I’m finding this attitude becoming more and more frequent and I can’t understand why it’s absolutely fine to spend so much money on items as mentioned above, but it seems acceptable to sneer at those who spend £200(ish) on a car seat that can actually save your baby’s life.

You’re almost shamed for it!!

BTW - this post is in no way related to people who can’t afford to spend this amount of money on a car seat, but purely about the double standards of society.

I just don’t get it.

OP posts:
purplebatbear · 11/05/2021 21:15

Spending decent money on a car seat generally means you get better safety levels and quality. To me that makes sense.

I saved up a LOT for our Swedish Plus tested rearward-facing car seats and didn't spend as much on other things. Clothes can be secondhand, as can buggies but car seats should be the biggest baby expense.

Your baby / child should always be in the safest seat you can possibly afford. Screw the showy pram.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 11/05/2021 21:17

But if you barely use a car, and a better quality long lasting pram is less wasteful and more useful, there's a balance to be had.

This thread reads like we're all having car crashes every week!

CellyBee · 11/05/2021 21:23

Couldn't care less what someone spent on a car seat. What a dumb thread.

Undersnatch · 11/05/2021 21:59

You’ll love this, I actually got this note left on my windscreen when visiting a friend. I cringed for whoever left it, although I can see they were being nice. My dad bought us one axkid and I got another on sale. Like pps have said, is important to me to buy the safest we can afford, but what everyone else wants to do is up to them!

That car seat costs are not worthy of judgement.
TheKeatingFive · 11/05/2021 22:45

but car seats should be the biggest baby expense.

What a bizarre thing to say. It’s perfectly possible to get a highly rated car seat and spend more money on something else, for a multitude of reasons.

Trying to lay down the law on what others ‘should’ spend their money on is a bit odd.

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 11/05/2021 23:09

I voted YABU only because I have never seen anyone pass judgement on the cost of a car seat belonging to someone else 🤷‍♀️

Peachi82 · 12/05/2021 00:07

Buying car seats is stressing me out, so we had the baby carrier and then went straight to a 25kg erf seat (Axkid Minikid). Peace of mind until he's 5 or 6.

I'm glad I didn't buy a swivel seat or isofix seat as they are not up to 25kg, so I would have to read reviews again and decide what he needs next and I can't be bothered, it stresses me out.

If I could I would just keep him rearfacing until he can drive to the shops himself.

Newmumatlast · 12/05/2021 00:53

Only voted yabu as I've never had this experience or known of it. Most people I know are working class on modest incomes yet spent nearly 1k on prams etc though whereas I spent about 200 or less and my next to me crib was quite cheap on offer in comparison to the multiple moses baskets and whole nursery furniture bits they had. The car seat I just bought was 300 and thats the most extravagant purchase I've made because its for safety. Maybe its because I've not spent much on anything else compared to others I know that I've not had judgement

SmokedDuck · 12/05/2021 00:55

I think people are more judgey about overpriced prams than carseats, TBH.

In fact, there is a certain sort of person who seems to think if you don't spend enough on a car seat, you don't love your baby that much, since they could literally die.

Dustyhedge · 12/05/2021 07:29

We rear-faced until 41/2 and we’re judged for it. Lots of comments re ‘oh she’s the wrong way round’, ‘why are you babying her?’ Etc I didn’t really like our maxway plus - much preferred our 18kg seat tbh but It was worth it for us though as she was out of her 18kg seat at 3 and wasn’t mature enough for a high back booster. Tall children are a pain for carseats.

TheKeatingFive · 12/05/2021 07:33

I think people are more judgey about overpriced prams than carseats, TBH.

It’s a real MN thing for some reason.

If you haven’t fished a bashed up Maclaren out of a skip, you’re doing it wrong. Heaven forbid you spend money on a model you want and can afford.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 12/05/2021 07:34

We are quite fortunate in that my youngest is just over 3.5 years old and is only just 14kg so dealing with a taller children isn’t something we have to contend with.

He’s previous car seat was an 18kg one which probably would have lasted him quite some time but we have got a 25kg this time round just so we can get as much use out of it as we can.

OP posts:
ClarkeGriffin · 12/05/2021 07:49

Well you did spend a lot, but that's your choice. I just had a look at car seats and can't see much difference between the expensive ones and the cheap ones, other than the expensive one swivels. Confused

It's just a marketing gimmick with all baby stuff, you must have this or your baby will suffer, must have this or they might never grow up!

Spectrumofhumanlife · 12/05/2021 08:56

Your baby / child should always be in the safest seat you can possibly afford. Screw the showy pram

I did both 🤷🏻‍♀️, which I’m sure would be judged on here too. My ‘showy’, £1500 travel system then lasted me 3 children and still looks as good as new. In real life, no one gave a shit how much I spent on baby equipment. They weren’t paying for it, so why would they care?

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 12/05/2021 09:08

The only judgement I've had about car seats was from MIL when I said I'd rather buy new than take the unspecified second hand one that she'd got off a stranger she bumped into in her village. She didn't get it at all.

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 12/05/2021 09:10

As an aside, swivel seats are great for when you have to take your child for a drive thru covid test

Mumofsend · 12/05/2021 09:13

The only comment I've ever heard is outrage at the idea of keeping a 4 year old outrage. Usually by the most OTT helicopter parents in everything except car safety

LolaSmiles · 12/05/2021 09:14

SmokedDuck
I've not seen anyone saying that if you don't drop loads on a pricey seat then you don't love your baby.
I have seen people responding to claims that all car seats meet the same standards so it's silly to spend loads by saying that some seats are more expensive because they have passed higher safety tests. I've seen people point out that they would rather spend an extra £100-200 on a car seat that is safer than spend that money on a flash pram or lots of new clothes because their priority is car safety. In some social media groups I'm in people seem quick to take offence at that though.

It's up to parents how they spend their budget, but people who prioritise higher end non safety items tend to get quite defensive if other parents mention cutting back other areas to afford seats that are safer. People with smaller budgets who know they're getting the best best they can in their budget don't seem to have the same defensive response.

UhtredRagnarson · 12/05/2021 09:17

It’s socially fine to spend £500 on a fancy pram but goodness me, if you spend £150 on a car seat you’re out of your mind.

I think you must run in a very small circle. I know people who spent £30 on their pram and people who spent £1500. Both are socially acceptable. £150 on a car seat isn’t expensive.

1940s · 12/05/2021 09:18

@ClarkeGriffin

Well you did spend a lot, but that's your choice. I just had a look at car seats and can't see much difference between the expensive ones and the cheap ones, other than the expensive one swivels. Confused

It's just a marketing gimmick with all baby stuff, you must have this or your baby will suffer, must have this or they might never grow up!

There's a massive massive difference in safety between forward facing at the legal limit vs rear facing until 25kg. It's 500% safer. You can get forward facing 9kg seats for £30 on special offer. Safer seats are at least £150
LolaSmiles · 12/05/2021 09:18

I just had a look at car seats and can't see much difference between the expensive ones and the cheap ones, other than the expensive one swivels. confused

It's just a marketing gimmick with all baby stuff, you must have this or your baby will suffer, must have this or they might never grow up!
The Sweedish Plus test are a higher level of safety testing that exceeds the minimum requirements for UK seats. A range of seats opted in to be tested against these benchmarks. Unsurprisingly some parents want to buy seats that pass a higher safety threshold, hardly a gimmick.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/05/2021 09:24

I think you're over reacting

One person has commented about the car seat being expensive. You clarified you didn't spend much on it. They ranted about people who spend lots. You didn't so it wasn't personal.

Chill

Mrsfrumble · 12/05/2021 09:41

Just out of curiosity; what’s the oldest a child has stayed rear facing in a 25kg seat? DS has only just passed 25kg and he’s 10.5.

We don’t even own a car, so it’s theoretical.

YerAWizardHarry · 12/05/2021 09:43

I feel as though attitudes are actually changing in favour of the ‘expensive’ extended real facing car seats (thankfully!)

herewegoagainst · 12/05/2021 09:44

No judgement on cost but I did have a chuckle with a friend who spent a lot on a buggy system for pfb but didn't check that it fitted in the car...