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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That car seat costs are not worthy of judgement.

211 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 11/05/2021 08:08

I just need a rant!

Is anyone else sick of being looked at like you’ve lost your mind when people find out how much you’ve spent on a car seat?

People spend God knows how much on a next-2-me cot, but you spend the same amount on a car seat to be faced with looks of horror and, “Are you mad?” comments.

It’s socially fine to spend £500 on a fancy pram but goodness me, if you spend £150 on a car seat you’re out of your mind.

I’m finding this attitude becoming more and more frequent and I can’t understand why it’s absolutely fine to spend so much money on items as mentioned above, but it seems acceptable to sneer at those who spend £200(ish) on a car seat that can actually save your baby’s life.

You’re almost shamed for it!!

BTW - this post is in no way related to people who can’t afford to spend this amount of money on a car seat, but purely about the double standards of society.

I just don’t get it.

OP posts:
MishMashMummy · 11/05/2021 15:44

It sounds like you’re hanging out with twats! I’ve never had a conversation about the cost of my car seat and honestly can’t imagine anything more boring.

Cam2020 · 11/05/2021 15:45

I can't say it's ever come up in conversation!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 11/05/2021 15:46

It sounds like you’re hanging out with twats! I’ve never had a conversation about the cost of my car seat and honestly can’t imagine anything more boring.

Grin

She’s a colleague/friend and she was at my house dropping off some paperwork when the car seat got delivered.

She’s not usually a twat Grin

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 11/05/2021 15:47

If this has happened to you more than once then you are definitely annoying/boring other people because it has to be you bringing it up. I have absolutely no idea what other people spent on their car seats - I can barely remember what we spent.

Confrontayshunme · 11/05/2021 15:47

DH has a cousin who spent £3000 on two carseats, and I was so shocked that I joked "Are they made of gold?!" But then, we don't even own a car, so the bottom-of-the-line Mothercare ones we bought to bring our DDs home from hospital felt extortionate. I definitely wouldn't judge a few hundred, but unless they have their own airbag, you are paying for style over function at £1500 a pop!

TheKeatingFive · 11/05/2021 15:48

I have never discussed this with anyone ever. What a mind numbingly boring conversation that would be

This

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/05/2021 15:50

I put YABU because this is not a thing. No normal person notices or cares how much anyone else's car seat costs.

If you are spending time with people who have an opinion on this and plan to waste time discussing it.....move away and keep moving.

FloraFauna27 · 11/05/2021 15:50

What did she actually say?

‘Wow, that’s an expensive seat, I’ve seen them online’ or ‘you absolute twat, why don’t you sit them on an upturned pallet instead?’

The only judgment I’ve ever witnessed is from people with the expensive seats insinuating that us paupers don’t care about our children as we can’t afford to spend a month’s wages on a car seat.

FloraFauna27 · 11/05/2021 15:52

Ive just seen that you said ‘people’. More than one?!

You’re definitely being one of those people I mentioned at the end of my post.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 11/05/2021 15:54

I've never known anyone comment on the cost of a car seat. But I know loads of people who comment on the insane amount of money people spend on a pushchair.

I think it comes down to why do much money was spent. Because it's Disney? You're being ridiculous. Because it's top of the range and highest safety specs? Absolutely reasonable.

I think that's why there's so much judging of prams, because the cost is literally in the brand name, rather than actual specifications.

KingdomScrolls · 11/05/2021 15:56

DB and SIL bought a new high end car with the reasoning it was 'safer' for the baby, but buy the cheapest possible car seats. We have bog standard cars but spent a lot more on an ERF car seat, pretty sure they and their friends judge us for not having swanky cars

Spectrumofhumanlife · 11/05/2021 15:57

3 kids, no one has ever asked me the cost of my car seat or expressed any judgement on the brand of car seat I use. How weird!
I’ve spent a bloody fortune on car seats over the past 8 years. No one around me cares!

Twobrews · 11/05/2021 15:57

I got comments for not spending enough. I can't drive and the seat in question was to be used on the rare occasions I got a lift or went in a taxi. I think it was used about 15 time over 6 years.

Cyw2018 · 11/05/2021 15:57

We chose a Joie everystage from an environmental waste point of view rather than cost and because it can used extended rear facing. I'm jealous of people with swivel seats.

Hallyup6 · 11/05/2021 15:57

Who looks in your car long enough to know firstly, what car seat you have and secondly, to be bothered to go and find out how much the thing cost?

Ridiculous.

My children have cheap car seats. No less safe than expensive, branded, status symbols.

namechangemarch21 · 11/05/2021 15:59

@minniemomo

The only judgement I've heard recently is over forward facing, not all cars can take extended rear facing seats so those criticising are basically commenting on someone not being able to afford a bigger car. I also know from experience that the most important thing is that your seat fits your car and not all do, my parents car was a nightmare, none fitted it except the specific Peugeot one you could order from the dealer (this was 16 years ago). Fancy doesn't always mean better
To be fair, they've moved on a lot - we have an axkid ERF car seat in a Ford Fiesta, its a struggle with smaller cars (and I know there are cars smaller than a fiesta!) but its not impossible these days.

I don't comment about it, though I struggle a bit - friends (their DD is our godchild) moved her FF very early, and have now moved her to a booster seat younger than I think is even legal, but claim to have done lots of research and so I really don't think its my place to say anything. I think with ERF, I didn't know anything about it, did some research, thought it was much safer. Most mothers I know simply haven't got any info on it, but there's no way I'm going to say anything because a) implicitly judge and b) they all already have car seats so what would be the point?

I do find that having made a conscious decision to surround myself with parents who don't pass comment on other parenting choices is the best way forward. Even when asked to comment, the norm in my circles is to say 'I mean, we do this because x y z but obviously every child is different and different things work for different families' in case your choices are implicitly shaming. There's a lot to be said for first trying not to offend.

DrJPuddleDuck · 11/05/2021 16:00

I’m with you - we invested a lot in our car seats.

It always surprises me how little some people seem to take car safety seriously... big coats on under harness straps, forward facing before advisable/needed, straps too loose, bumper seats used with children too small, etc etc. If I’m honest, I judged people who I saw doing this sort of thing when mine were little, so if they judged me for being over-cautious, I guess it’s just one of those things, but one that I can live with!

As an aside, I’ve always been amazed at how differently people can perceive and manage the same risks the world presents. I’m sure there were things I was less concerned about when mine were little that others would have raised an eyebrow at! (Climbing trees, playing with tools, finger-led weaning, etc!)

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 11/05/2021 16:02

Car seat was only £180 so hardly extravagant!

She just said in a very sneery tone that it’s ridiculous how much people pay for branded car seats and that why don’t we realise we are just being ripped off and how gullible we are to actually believe that the seats are any different to the standard car seats you can buy in other stores for much cheaper.

As she was leaving she laughed and said, “I still can’t you paid that much for a bloody car seat.”

It just really irritated me!!

OP posts:
MissDollyMix · 11/05/2021 16:03

I wouldn’t judge or care (or know!) how much someone spent on their car seat and I would hope that that works both ways (judging by some of the comments on this thread I’m not so sure) I am questioning why a car seat is so expensive though? Do they really cost that much more to manufacture than a regular car seat or is it a clever marketing ploy?

Checkingout811 · 11/05/2021 16:04

I don’t understand why anyone knows how much you spend on your baby items? I don’t even know what car seats my friends have?

TheKeatingFive · 11/05/2021 16:04

I’m with you - we invested a lot in our car seats.

And people know that and question you on it? Really?

Most people I know take car safety seriously, but that doesn’t mean they spend time sizing up other people’s choices and judging them.

Hardbackwriter · 11/05/2021 16:08

@ThornAmongstRoses

Car seat was only £180 so hardly extravagant!

She just said in a very sneery tone that it’s ridiculous how much people pay for branded car seats and that why don’t we realise we are just being ripped off and how gullible we are to actually believe that the seats are any different to the standard car seats you can buy in other stores for much cheaper.

As she was leaving she laughed and said, “I still can’t you paid that much for a bloody car seat.”

It just really irritated me!!

So it was in fact one person? Who may well (probably does) have the same attitude to all baby equipment and might have been the same about a pram or cot? Quite different to your OP which made this sound like a daily trial...
Checkingout811 · 11/05/2021 16:10

Oh god it gets worse. It got delivered and what? You announced “oh look my £180 car seat has arrived”
I’m still confused as to how your colleague knew the price?

Is this a very feeble attempt at a stealth brag?

ForkedIt · 11/05/2021 16:10

So it was only one person who commented?

I don’t know anyone else erf their children (mine is 2). It’s never come up in conversation....
(I only know as I’ve seen them in their cars)

AfternoonToffee · 11/05/2021 16:17

My children have cheap car seats. No less safe than expensive, branded, status symbols.

That's not always entirely true. The minimum safety standards for car seats is pretty low, 30mph max speed, the more expensive seats often have been through a higher set of crash tests. Some of the expense is for extra safety features or general features (such as a swivel) other things might not be worth it. I'm not sure why you think it is a status symbol though, mine were only ever in the back of the car.

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